Hey there!

It looks like you're enjoying Rap Battles Forum but haven't created an account yet. Why not take a minute to register for your own free account now? As a member you get free access to all of our forums and posts plus the ability to post your own messages, communicate directly with other members and much more. Register now!

Already a member? Login at the top of this page to stop seeing this message.

User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: lost innocence

  1. June 12th, 2005, 03:45 AM #1
    djb
    djb is offline
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    folsom ca
    Age
    39
    Posts
    3,086
    Battle Record
    7-6

    lost innocence

    Innocence lost, depleted when tv’s vulgarity exceeded
    seamen to heathen, I blinked & missed what he needed
    believin’ I was raising him right, I lost presences’ sight
    through fights our bright days turned into dark nights
    now im home alone, and this tranquillity is killing me
    feeling free, but lost without him, surrounded disparity
    my conscious buried me and recollection ended days
    booze played on my mind and rearranged brain waves
    strange how the time came and faded like my future
    visions of incisions neutered his innocence as I abused her
    my sons mother, my lover, this drunken rage took over
    I woke older, afflicted by decisions as reality sobered
    sunshine crept in and in time police stepped in arresting
    protesting I resisted till I realized, and starting confessing
    clarity hit me and I was visibly shook, the cruelest crook
    they took me away, I conveyed goodbye with just a look
    in the police station aggravation had me pacin’ impatient
    knowing I was showing hells face, case childhood wasted
    I never saw my sons eyes again, never saw his little grin
    heard he was also locked in a state pen, all cuz of my gin

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199395
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=200819
    Follow at
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Music --->>>>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. June 12th, 2005, 05:37 AM #2
    Johnny 6-feet
    Johnny 6-feet is offline
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    England, Liverpool
    Posts
    5,123
    Battle Record
    8-1
    a good topic with some good vocab and imagery to back it up man, good flow and structure, felt like you got under the charecters skin pretty well. good to see the pace is getting picked up again.

    now im home alone, and this tranquillity is killing me
    feeling free, but lost without him, surrounded disparity

    ^^my faveourite lines^^

    keep posting, thanks for the rep.

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
    14 x OM HoF


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. June 12th, 2005, 09:22 PM #3
    djb
    djb is offline
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    folsom ca
    Age
    39
    Posts
    3,086
    Battle Record
    7-6
    thanks
    Follow at
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Music --->>>>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. June 14th, 2005, 05:17 PM #4
    djb
    djb is offline
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    folsom ca
    Age
    39
    Posts
    3,086
    Battle Record
    7-6
    sure is a good thing i dont get slept on...........
    Follow at
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Music --->>>>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. June 14th, 2005, 08:47 PM #5
    E Tha Real
    E Tha Real is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title! E Tha Real's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    467
    Battle Record
    13-8
    believin’ I was raising him right, I lost presences’ sight
    through fights our bright days turned into dark nights
    now im home alone, and this tranquillity is killing me
    feeling free, but lost without him, surrounded disparity
    ^my favorite segment..

    I think you got a knack for story-telling.
    and nice vocab. keep up the good work...

    1-2
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. June 14th, 2005, 09:35 PM #6
    SinFiNite
    SinFiNite is offline
    Newbie SinFiNite's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The FishBowl
    Age
    37
    Posts
    8
    Yeah the content was deffinitly on point. And your flow was good too.. Both the passion and technical parts worked well.. I really dont have anyhting bad to say other than drop a longer verse.

    Peace
    -A.P


    Be the very change you want to see.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. June 15th, 2005, 01:01 AM #7
    sILLable
    sILLable is offline
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    40
    Posts
    5,316
    Battle Record
    15-10
    this piece was mad ill kid,imagery was ill,tight vocabulary and wordplay,your structure was ill,the consistency and tha way you layed it out it flowed smooth,beautiful multis and again tha wordplay was real ill.keep droppin tha hottness.~1~


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. June 16th, 2005, 02:15 AM #8
    djb
    djb is offline
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    folsom ca
    Age
    39
    Posts
    3,086
    Battle Record
    7-6
    thank you guys very much for the love......leave links and i will hit you back with some feed
    Follow at
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Music --->>>>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. June 16th, 2005, 05:22 AM #9
    Trema
    Trema is offline
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Hells Palace
    Age
    40
    Posts
    1,119
    Battle Record
    2-5
    Quote Originally Posted by DiverseSyndicate
    this piece was mad ill kid,imagery was ill,tight vocabulary and wordplay,your structure was ill,the consistency and tha way you layed it out it flowed smooth,beautiful multis and again tha wordplay was real ill.keep droppin tha hottness.~1~
    This piece was dope and your skill was good, i loved all of it i mean there's no need to mention all about structure and vocab blah blah, this piece was exceptional. I love your lyrical content this was complete dopeness g! Keep writing!
    written voices makes hidden noises
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. June 17th, 2005, 05:50 PM #10
    EyeBite
    EyeBite is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    5,480
    Battle Record
    12-1
    humm.. great vocab! the topic was really cool and interesting.... the rhymes were real good and this was easy to read cuz the flow was real smooth and nice and the structure was even.. (thats really sumthin0 great job and keep it up.. keep elevating.. improve and you'll be even better. overall 8.5/10
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  11. June 18th, 2005, 09:58 PM #11
    djb
    djb is offline
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    folsom ca
    Age
    39
    Posts
    3,086
    Battle Record
    7-6
    thanks guys. it is nice to get some actual feed around here. i really appreciate it
    Follow at
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Music --->>>>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. June 18th, 2005, 10:39 PM #12
    Illus'
    Illus' is offline
    . Illus''s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Brooklyn
    Age
    47
    Posts
    8,361
    Battle Record
    8-7
    This piece definitely displayed the meaning
    quality is better then quantity...Nice piece here
    haven't read one of your pieces in awhile, and it
    is good to see you still have it. Nice imagery but
    better nice emotion. Nice vocabulary. Overall
    nice drop stay at it.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  13. June 19th, 2005, 02:13 PM #13
    CrazyCarl
    CrazyCarl is offline
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0
    I liked the rhyme scheme, had a lot going on internally. One of the strengths of the piece was the emotion you got across. Storytelling was done well, described the events and told the characters feelings. The closing was nice, worked to bring home the concept. The piece definitely had the vocab, made it descriptive, even with the drop being relatively short.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=200068
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Similar Threads

  1. Lost Innocence
    By NoneElse in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: January 9th, 2007, 08:10 PM
  2. Lost innocence
    By K9_THESHIT in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: April 3rd, 2005, 08:26 AM
  3. Innocence Lost
    By BootyLover in forum Graphic Designs
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: February 10th, 2005, 08:01 PM
  4. Innocence Lost.
    By Lay Doubt. in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: January 13th, 2005, 05:52 PM
  5. Innocence Lost
    By Mr. Write in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: August 27th, 2004, 10:55 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules