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Thread: Death of a Shadow... Another Pancakez collab

  1. #1
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    Death of a Shadow... Another Pancakez collab



    Death of a Shadow -Bounce


    As the scorching sidewalk eagerly thirsts for the fallen sweat off a human brawl
    I am there but a puppet of your every whim, the featureless one mimicking ya’ll
    An existence on an ever changing back drop, just a random distortion
    A projected entity without identity, a silhouette of various proportions
    What purpose do I serve? I’m like the walking invisible alone in my gloom
    The lost & forgotten side kick, the one time companion in a dimly lit room
    A blurred image and soul less reflection, upon further inspection quite crude
    Out of focus & skewed, just once I yearn for the brilliance the visible exude
    I’m the very definition of on the rebound, I’m bounced from the heavens
    Onto the shadows of hell, a fractured representation, a faceless brethren
    I have no volume, weight or mass by any conventional measure present or past
    I thrive only in the realm of sight, and face death only on the darkest of night
    Yet my premature demise is a direct result of your peoples wondering eye
    Caught up in a frantic pace, your way word race has little time to waste
    On a glimpse of their own being, I’m but another shadow cast in vain

    My pain will never be felt, but w/o recognition………………................…...………..
    …………………………….........................it’s certain death this shadow is dealt!



    Death of a Shadow -Lyric


    Scoundrels prowl the earth in the absence of the shining beacon above
    All that was loved must scurry from the darkness inhaled by lungs
    The night hides their figures, burned impressions on the walls
    Flickering in and out of sight, then fading to the ground
    Evil walks among us, but we think that we’re in control
    Cause we walk among evil, stamping on it with our souls
    They are lifeless always mimicking, mocking us as they glide
    And you know this to be true, everyone has a dark side
    Plotting against humanity, waiting for the perfect time
    To take their true shape and form, to rise but never shine
    Prefer the moonlight to all, where they can hide themselves
    No one ever likes to roam, where only shadows dwell
    Instinct keeps us away, but curiosity calls us out
    Even in the day, when we can see them all around
    Only at noon are we finally safe, but as the sun sinks low
    Resurrected from nothing, the death of shadows is impossible




    Death Of A Shadow -Sharp


    My being travels back and forth throughout the seven twilight oceans,
    Staring at clouds, trying to find a moment when the sky's eye opens.
    But she tries to hide from me, behind the horizon line she screams.
    She despises me. I'm a dead dog compared to the guys she sees.
    Sick of her past lovers that continue to curse me from their graves,
    They laugh at the fact I'm stranded on a hearse carried by waves.
    Her ferocious Father pounds me for days without any hesitation.
    He has a nasty habit of drowning men
    and causing devastation.
    I'm coughing up enough salt to preserve my dead body with.
    I hold a gun to my mouth that she deserves to rob me with.
    Steal my soul, hold my heart hostage, but that's cliche'.
    I cry in this little boat as I watch my hands decay.
    My tears become lost among ocean water.
    Just waiting for an unspoken slaughter.
    Too bad her eye shines for the fallow,
    She's a dying light for my shadow.

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  2. #2
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    [YOUTUBE]Av7yOXafS40?hd=1[/YOUTUBE]
    "World Class War" Official Music Video
    We can use all the views we can get, please support the Father/Daughter movement in hip hop. Do us a favor and post on your Facebook walls and such. Thank you


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  3. #3
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    As the scorching sidewalk eagerly thirsts for the fallen sweat off a human brawl
    I am there but a puppet of your every whim, the featureless one mimicking ya’ll

    your openor clearly started this on a good note.

    as the story progressed you got even deeper with the emotions, and imagery.

    My being travels back and forth throughout the seven twilight oceans,
    Staring at clouds, trying to find a moment when the sky's eye opens

    whoa, great bar bounce.

    you have lately been dropping incredible, and im looking foward to seeing ALOT more. Nothing i can help ya wit

    Check out Mother...and maybe a collab ?
    Last edited by comadose; June 5th, 2005 at 03:29 PM

  4. #4
    Po'Ethics
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    Wow... Nice collab...

    I look forward to these Pancakez Collabs now, the writing quality is excellent. Sharp and Bounce, you are both people I look up to on this site, your writing encourages me to keep writing. Lyric I haven't ever really spoken to you, so I can't say I have that level of understanding there, however, your work is excellent. Bounce your verse here was excellent, it was quite casual in places, which I didn't like, however, the writing quality in other parts easily makes up for this. Lyric, I really liked your piece, it was great... You had some really good lines and showed off some powerful imagery and metaphor. Sharp, I don't often get to see your OM work, however, it's excellent, you should write more. Your vocabulary, imagery and metaphor was all great.

    I can't really fault this, I would give more feedback but it's been a bad day... Nice work guys.

    If you could leave feed on "Out of Ammunition" in my sig I'd appreciate it.

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  5. #5
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    Thanks Deviate, it's dope that you read our work so well. Makes me proud to write, that's what really matters to me when writing, not having a piece in legends or some award. I'm glad to help you out anytime.

    Lol, and kost, I'm not sure if you noticed that this is a collab since you quoted a line from my verse and gave credit to bounce. Well it's all good, as long as you read it and liked it.

    Thanks to both of you for taking the time to read this, very appreciated.
    murder murder

  6. #6
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Great topic which all three of you consistenly stayed. Good vocab as well, but especially from Bounce and Lyric. I thought Bounce's lines were a little overstretched the weight of the imagery he used compensated. The style of each verse was distinct from the other two, making read like 3 different piece rather than flawless collab, but it kept me reading. Very original, very poetic.

    Keep posting guys, if someone could rep my new piece i'd aprrciate the feedback.

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  7. #7
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies so far
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  8. #8
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    Very nice piece and topic guys.All of you wrote with consistency on the topic and i liked your different styles.Bounce your verse was great;good vocabulary and metaphors.The voice was strong and on point with the flow.Nice rhymescheme also. I've read other drops from Lyric and this again proves he's a strong writer.Good vocabulary and i liked your imagery.Your first two lines were dope.I liked your rhymescheme.Really good verse.Hope to see more from you.Sharp,i think the only other verse i read from you was on another Pancakez collab.I liked your aproach.Good imagery and great conten an i also i liked your concepts.I felt that your rhymescheme was a little simple for an OM,but the other aspects of your verse really made up for this.
    Again great collab guys.I'll be looking foward for your future collabs.


    And if one of you can drop a feed in "The Loudspeaker"(in the sig) it would be apreciated.Peace.
    Def Poets Society

  9. #9
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    Lyric -

    Your strong point was your emotion.
    Rest, was failry dope. Imagery was great, and your vocab was advanced.
    Nothing i can tell you to improve on man, just keep dropping your solid drops, and get active in OM

    Sharp -

    very nicely done. I would say your iomagery was amazing.
    Your emotion was high as well.
    You should drop more in the OM section as well, for it would be dope

    But i left feed on bounce already.

    Overall, a great collab.

    GJ

  10. #10
    Banned MakeShyft's Avatar
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    I have never taken the time to read a pankakez collab, althought for a first impression this was well written. I esecially liked the whole main idea of these verses, although the feelings and experiances describes could have been worded and shown to a more exagerate expression..lol.. a very original idea, here are some well written lines:

    Lyric-
    They are lifeless always mimicking, mocking us as they glide
    And you know this to be true, everyone has a dark side
    Plotting against humanity, waiting for the perfect time
    To take their true shape and form, to rise but never shine
    Prefer the moonlight to all, where they can hide themselves
    No one ever likes to roam, where only shadows dwell
    Instinct keeps us away, but curiosity calls us out
    Even in the day, when we can see them all around
    Sharp-
    Steal my soul, hold my heart hostage, but that's cliche'.
    I cry in this little boat as I watch my hands decay.
    Bounce-
    What purpose do I serve? I’m like the walking invisible alone in my gloom
    The lost & forgotten side kick, the one time companion in a dimly lit room
    A blurred image and soul less reflection, upon further inspection quite crude
    Out of focus & skewed, just once I yearn for the brilliance the visible exude
    Nice piece... id apreciate if yud RTF|Cement| in my signature.

  11. #11
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    OK? I think?

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    "World Class War" Official Music Video
    We can use all the views we can get, please support the Father/Daughter movement in hip hop. Do us a favor and post on your Facebook walls and such. Thank you


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  12. #12
    bitch.
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    Excellent piece ya'll. I cant find nothign wrong with it. Flow - Perfect. Horror - Pefect. Imagery - Okay in Bounce's verse...but better in Lyric's verse. Some emotion was shown, but I wouldnt call it that because it was more of a fright tale, so I'll describe it as feeling...and that was perfect as well. This was perfect. An example of a great collab open mic...

    Overall rate - 10/10

    Hit up one the battles or open mics in my sig...

  13. #13
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    uppin for critique
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  14. #14
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    more please
    A few achievements here and there

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  15. #15
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    ........
    A few achievements here and there

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