Heroine.

[JAY DOT.]

just something........done quick

shit is getting critical when the living is pitiful,
i aint bullshitting you NOW.
time to get spiritual and look for a miracle.
used to live dependent on drugs and a bottle,
lived life in the fast lane, full throttle.
died once, and might of did it again,
if it wasn't for a friend that was there to the end.
slit marks on my wrist and thoughts of death,
laying in a pool of blood til my last breath.
constant visits to hospitals and institutions,
thought i was crazy but it was the drugs i was using.
garbage case that ate anything in front of my face,
xanax will put you right in this place along with base.
nowadays my old aquitances have needles stuck to their veins,
they got a monster whose pulling the reigns.
heroine will take your life and give nothing in return,
a black whole meaning death is the only place to turn.
unless you find that help, reach down in yourself,
all the pain i felt didnt end until the night i knelt.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167291
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166753

[JAY DOT.]

upping, how about some replies

[TheFatSkinny]

good shit dogg... lyrics were decent flow was solid enough on this... like how you didn't say slitting your wrists exactly you re worded it.... most dopn't good looks dogg

BE EAZY

[STAT$]

Yo this was koo......nice verse everything looked iight simplistic rhymes but other than that good shit

[conquistador]

this was hard felt lil homie...you had the flow...structure but your vocab was ok and you had no imagery....but I don't give a fuck... I liked it..

[noncentz]

this was hard felt lil homie...you had the flow...structure but your vocab was ok and you had no imagery....but I don't give a fuck... I liked it..

this explains it well it seams rushed a lil to simple...i hold u to a high degree of expectations this didn't meet it.i don't think this compliments your talent to the right extreme. this isnt garbage just not your max potential.

[JAY DOT.]

^ agreed, i keyed that upp real quick, i been having writers block

[Novacain]

For a quick keystyles verse, this was ok.
You didnt really need imagery, I think the subject was hardhitting enough.
You had a few subjects rolled into one... Suicide, drugs, friendship.
It was a hard piece, overall if you took a little time you could of made it better...
Some of the rhymes where simple, I think if you tried to express more you'll see the words come easier too you,
Try and describe the shit as you're going through it, it helps the reader understand and feel it more.
Put a little time into your structure, make it look a little more presentable...
Its like if the music grabs the attention for the rapper, then the punctuation - grammer - the whole way its set out... That should be the attention grabber for the writer.

Anyways, decent drop, just try expressing more next time and taking a bit more time to get it across.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167639
Check that out for me??
Thanks

[IwIlLmErKyOu]

yeah this piece was pretty good. it had some good rhymes, a little simplistic, but it worked. good structure. keep it up

[JAY DOT.]

thanks for the feedback...

[BeRLin`S BesT]

yea kinda simplistic but u had some to say and u said it...gues this came from the heart and it's ok for that...at least the flow seemed constant...pz


check this:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167791

[sick thoughtz]

this was alright i liked the pitch to it i was trying to think of a beat in my head to this

[JAY DOT.]

thanks...

[Brother Blue Collar]

dope little story here i felt it, flow was good, need sum emotion tho, i felt that wasted my time cuz this was good but short as hell, plus i didn't like the the fact it didn't have enuff metaphors, atleast i didn't see alot

decent shit, tho plz return favor

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168302

plz return the favotr

[LayDeMc]

i think it coulda been a little better...probably longer and more descriptive in each line considering this is a serious topic and you've coulda done alot with it you feel?...uhm...but never theless not that bad of a drop...