Torn Pages

[Ja Eazy]

Torn Pages


April 7th, 2001
You can see the smile on her face bright and wide
Lifes good, knows wat shes doin no need for a guide
At the mall wit all her friends, best time of her life
She even was dreaming of being a full blown wife

Dear Diary,
Today was fun was with friends haven a big fun ball
Sun was high in the sky, bright, warm over the mall
Life couldnt get better or worse as you all can see
I even met a cute boy he will be all mine i guarantee
When my cold pail sweaty hands touch him, i died
Could feel my heart beat so fast and love all inside

April 23rd, 2001
While you all watch on u think that her smile cant fade
But life can be decieving and it also be very betrayed
She met that boy from the mall again, same exact spot
Her glittering eyes couldnt leave his site, shes bought
He was leaven he asked for a hug, but it was much more
He grabbed her butt then her tits, her heart just tore


Dear Diary,
I thought he was the one he was hot and he had me sold
Now all over my slim athletic body is all being so very cold
Feels like i cant think straight and dont know wat to do
He scard me for life it feels like its a black death tattoo
I'm tryin to leave this behind me but it wont leave my mind
My minds lost and puzzled wat to do its impossible to find

May 14th, 2001
No boys can come close to her and she be stayin all frantic
It's like her beautiful soul was stolen and throw in the atlantic
As cold nights pass by her thoughts get more vivid and blurry
Thoughts of nuttin but him and she has everything to worry
While at a party she puts on a fake smile and walks right in
Wat she didnt know this is the worst night and it begins

Dear Diary,
I was walkin home after the party while a shadow popped out
All i did was run i didnt know wat all of this was all about
It was the guy i met at the mall and he threw me into a old car
He tore off my pants and shirt it was all so fast and badly bizzare
The guy rapped me he took my virginity i have nuttin to live for
I cant take this, this is killing me inside i cant do this shit anymore
.
.
The Page ends there with warm thick blood runnin down it
And her body lays there wit her skin tore bashes and split
No need to tell you wat happened to her u can tell yourself
He killed her and tore her body all up all by his own damn self
The guy found the diary and tore it up into bits and pieces
Those messages above is all we found as her soul releases



* look at the colors as symbols and u will get them

[Ja Eazy]

1st
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315792
2nd
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316399

[~Mansin~]

sorry it may just be me but tbh, i wasnt feeling this piece
i mean your story telling was the outstanding part in this
peice, while he emotion was cool as it seemed to relate to
ya characters well, meaning the vocab worked well in relation,
though what really for me it was the flow of the piece that
made for a hard read, a lot of the transitions need work
imo, just a lil forced, which made the read a lil less enjoyable
though it may just be the way i read it, idk...you got the tools
though, def talent

keep rippin those scripts...

if you got time here is a link to one of minez...peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

[Ascend]

I wasn't really feelin' this that much either. It's just the elementary rhyme shceme that drew me away from it. There weren't really any multie's or meta's and the Vocab was kinda poor. The emotion compensates somewhat for what you were missing and the plot was pretty good. Not that bad, just keep writin' and elevate.

Check this out when you get a chance. I'm gettin' slept on.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315755

[Forum]

Now this piece was still good you just really lacked in the vocab department...It's okay though that comes along with experience. I my self liked it...The imagery was pretty good.... could've been much better but that's when the extenxive vocab comes into play...I see potential and think if you keep writing you'll be better..just write more pieces so you'll hear different critique's and notice your strong points and weak points...Keep it ^ and RTF.....in sig..plz...