The Worst Ever (this hurt to write)

Tears stream down my screen in my reflection that I'm seein...
But I'm hopin and believin that you'll see what I'm meanin.
Words just can't describe what it is I'm trying to write...
How much life can change from just going to sleep at night.
I read the stories from papers and news sites and such...
About parents who wake up and find their lives fucked.
Kiss their baby on the head then tuck that baby into bed...
But during the dark night someone snatched her and fled.
The heart sinks to new depths when miserys so plenty...
You can't avoid envisioning death when the bed's found empty.
Courageous cops come calling with their wise commenting...
But I'm behind a bathroom wall, cuz I can't stop vomiting.
Camera pool for a plead, my wife prays for mercy to fill you...
But I lose my cool quick with, "If you hurt her, I'll kill you!"
Only two days've passed but I'm crazed and won't last...
I fear you've killed my baby, all my hope's fading fast.
Last night I screamed at the sky and woke all my neighbors...
"Bring her back to me, you fuck, why did you take her!?!?!"
I grow insaner each second, I imagine what you've done...
How you've hurt her tiny body while having your fuckin fun.
She must have screamed for Mommy, must have begged for Daddy...
When we didn't come...God...it musta have hurt her heart so badly.
I can't get the images out, scenarios play out sickly...
I see blood around her mouth, her eyelids still flickering.
My mind still wants to save her, heart and soul follow...
But instinct's no saviour, it tells the rest of me to wallow.
I can't keep from being curled up, it's been 2 years now...
Me and my wife still holed up, still together; I dunno how.
They say they're still searching, my revenge is too...
Me and the wife still hurting, and still hoping to find you.
We know our baby's gone, buried at sea or in dirt...
But both of us live on just to one day give you our hurt.
Eventually we'll get to, kharma always comes around...
Such a reckoning we'll give you, once you've been found.
Then my wife and I will sleep in our car like teens...
While gas slowly leaks and reconstructs a family's dream.

The Reinvention, I Just Wanna Kill

SinAmen, My Brian is For Rent

Deep.

The ending was nicely done, story well made. A good drop... A lot of feeling.

What happened man??............................

it sounded like a raping. In my point of view "you hurting her little body just for your fucking fun"

This was a really good read and nice drop...

dude... is this all true? this shit really happened to you? i dont have any kids of my own im only 20 but.. i couldnt imagine losing some one i loved.. or not knowing.. and having to wonder.. as a lyrical piece this was perfect for what it was, it was venting.. and you did it in such a manner the reader can feel your pain, thats what lyrics were originally meant for.. and i have no complaints with this.. my hearts with you if you really had to go through this.. i respect this piece bro

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172961

Naw, dude...

I appreciate what ya said, but this isn't real.

It is for alotta parents, though.

I just saw a coupla news stories lately that haunted me.

So, I dunno why, I guess cuz I have a 3 year old...

I just felt compelled to put myself in their place.

I wish I hadn't, like the title said, this hurt to write...to imagine.

But...shit...I can't control what pops in my head...I just relay it.

thank god for that.. now i see what you were doin with this
venting on your fears.. feeling their pain through your own blood
nice..

This Is Real Very Few Words Discribe A Peace Like This Except Eye Catching And Maybe An Eye Opener
In Both Sences For The Hip Hop Head The Attention Is Grabbed And For The Deep Poetic Minded This Also Tells A Story To Awaken Them To Reality This Is Great Work And You Made It Seam So True To Your Own Heart.

Hey born to kill i like it and it was cool and all, but u should of had a suprise ending like the daughter never left but was under her bed, or like she was snatched for 10 years and only live 2 blocks down with her and raised her good.

I did like ur story alot though

I give it a 9/10

eh i was wonder if u can add a new cypher

one when u continue a one going song forever

P.S. Keep up the good work

hit some of my stuff up to

nice piece. everything was on point. the story telling was immaculate. the details like,
"She must have screamed for Mommy, must have begged for Daddy...
When we didn't come...God...it musta have hurt her heart so badly"

Made this joint great, cause in my mind i pictured my son when he's crying. touched my heart.

Thanks much, cats...

Bump!

Wow...

Its as simple as that, this piece was fucking excellent lol.

Because of the love for you on this site, I've rarely read anything of yours thinking that if i dont like Ill be either forced into contradiction or not liked very much for it lol, and if i did like it Im sure people would of said what i wanted to many times already.

But i had to reply to this piece, this was hall of fame material.

It was the epitimy of what an Open Mic should be, it had everything.
But most of all, the feeling and deepness expressed here... Though it wasn't the best topic to write about... You really helped us feel the pain in this piece, the pain of people who lived through this, had this happened to them... it was like an experience more than something you just thought up.
Obviously your daughter and the feelings you would feel helped this come across so much better, and we understand how you feel the pain that these families have already suffered.

Out of the 18 bars, id say 16 of them were near perfect.

Great work, honestly this was majestic lol

:thumbup:

" A-WORK-OF-ART. "
" MASTERPIECE "

IF THERE WERE EVER A BLACK, SISKEL & EBERT,

THEY'D DEFINITELY POUR THEIR 40'Z OUT FOR THIS PIECE,

IT WAS VERY HEARTFELT:
YOU PUT THE READER (ME) IN THE DRIVER SEAT, AND THE EYES, OF YOUR STORY....

:shoot:KALIKOZE9/11:shoot:

give a holla: & summ f/b plz
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...57#post2128957

Thank you very much...seriously.

I was really impressed with this verse it was just RAW.
I really cant say nothing to criticise it.
The concept was just that real life shit, there was great emotion and feeling in the rhymes it was just real.
The structure vocab and flow was all on point.
Best piece ive read on here for a while.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175058

you know how you read somthing too long wit yr eyes open and they start
yo water..well that happend ...lol.....this shit was hot..yo i got two daughters and i go through som shit too..
10/10
your hot as shit dawg...om lookin forward to seeing anotha piece........

Aye Born... This whole thing was tight

From beginning to end i was feeling the multies and flow

NIce shit

Tears stream down my screen in my reflection that I'm seein...
But I'm hopin and believin that you'll see what I'm meanin.
Words just can't describe what it is I'm trying to write...
How much life can change from just going to sleep at night.
I read the stories from papers and news sites and such...
About parents who wake up and find their lives fucked.
Kiss their baby on the head then tuck that baby into bed...
But during the dark night someone snatched her and fled.
The heart sinks to new depths when miserys so plenty...
You can't avoid envisioning death when the bed's found empty.
Courageous cops come calling with their wise commenting...
But I'm behind a bathroom wall, cuz I can't stop vomiting.
Camera pool for a plead, my wife prays for mercy to fill you...
But I lose my cool quick with, "If you hurt her, I'll kill you!"
Only two days've passed but I'm crazed and won't last...
I fear you've killed my baby, all my hope's fading fast.
Last night I screamed at the sky and woke all my neighbors...
"Bring her back to me, you fuck, why did you take her!?!?!"
I grow insaner each second, I imagine what you've done...
How you've hurt her tiny body while having your fuckin fun.
She must have screamed for Mommy, must have begged for Daddy...
When we didn't come...God...it musta have hurt her heart so badly.
I can't get the images out, scenarios play out sickly...
I see blood around her mouth, her eyelids still flickering.
My mind still wants to save her, heart and soul follow...
But instinct's no saviour, it tells the rest of me to wallow.
I can't keep from being curled up, it's been 2 years now...
Me and my wife still holed up, still together; I dunno how.
They say they're still searching, my revenge is too...
Me and the wife still hurting, and still hoping to find you.
We know our baby's gone, buried at sea or in dirt...
But both of us live on just to one day give you our hurt.
Eventually we'll get to, kharma always comes around...
Such a reckoning we'll give you, once you've been found.
Then my wife and I will sleep in our car like teens...
While gas slowly leaks and reconstructs a family's dream.


Whole thing was good caz i can see where you comin from

Born, I really enjoyed reading this. More so to see how much you have grown in writing. This is the best iv seen from you, but then again I rarely read anything anymore. The ending kinda threw me off, did you and the wife kill yourselves? I dont even want to imagine what losing a child could be like and hope you dont have to either.

See you at Wrestlemania!

I KNEW YOU WERE OK!!!

Damn, man...don't be lettin Av scare us!

Oh yeah...I just paid my cable bill all up to date.

I'm so ready for WM!!!

BTW, yeah...in the rhyme we kill ourselves in order to reunite with our daughter. Fucked...but on the real, if that shit really happened...I'd probably have to find reasons not to do it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Born To Kill

I KNEW YOU WERE OK!!!

Damn, man...don't be lettin Av scare us!

Oh yeah...I just paid my cable bill all up to date.

I'm so ready for WM!!!

BTW, yeah...in the rhyme we kill ourselves in order to reunite with our daughter. Fucked...but on the real, if that shit really happened...I'd probably have to find reasons not to do it.

---

Umm, Av was totally honest. Granted im not dead at present doesnt mean I wasnt. When I get home i will explain everything. But yea I really was in the hospital.

Well, I doubt he had a laptop with him to report the second you passed...

He knew you were ok (I hope ya are)...when he posted that...the assclown!

He may have told the truth, but not all of it.

Flattens the tires on his 79 Gremlin!

Dope, real dope. And deep. Possibly, the best thing I've read in OM in a while.

I liked your rhyme sceme, it all seemed to read alright to me, and I liked the way you expressed your angst. The plot was well worked too. You still could work on your wording and imagery some, everyone can improve - but still, this is a tight drop by most standards. A somewhat edgey read, but enjoyed it nonetheless..

Return the reply, if you get time, my collab with Camarac: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175151

- Jek

Since i read it i might as well reply.

Let me start by saying if anyone ever took my kids
i'd blow the planet the fuck up.
I could feel the pain in this peice.
Lots of feeling and emotion put into this.
I could visualize the hurt in this peice.


Thats what its about BTK.

Excellence.

Man I wrote a long and involved feed here, and the fucken machine went into a faggotry loop and killed it! Let me just say that I for one felt the hurt you talked about while reading this. It's kind of taboo to even write such a thing, but we all know it's in the back of our minds lurking, waiting, taunting! I fucken loved this bro, the way you tied it all together and the end. Wow, the end was just great. I know you knew I'd fell this peice man, asa father, this put a lump in my throat. Im not too gangster to admit that either, the very thought of someting like that happening, (when there is a very real possiblity) is enough to make any father tear up. Talk about creating monsters, this is one true formula for that.

Awesome piece Born, again you show us why you are a legend...

Good piece born. It was very nicely tied together at the ending, which most writers don't have. A very fitting ending to the story. Throughout, it kept me interested - I wasn't as emotional over it as say Bounce [he's a father though, i am not]. enough praise though, although this deserves it. Improvements? in some places you were just listing things that happened - I wish it would've been more emotional. A little more descriptive, so that I, not being a father, could feel your pain with you. In the ending you tied all of that together, I just think it could've been a bit stronger in other places. Great story though: interesting - well written - sick & twisted concept behind it - everything a story needs!

peace.

Wuzz Up BTK?

This shit was tyte, ur father side really helps u write dope OM's like ur old one "Pain Is Ok Until Its Not Ur Own" or suttin like that bout ur daughter. I thought for a minute too that this happened to u n was like, damn thats badd. U gripped erryone who read this, and da endin was aiight. It wasnt da dopest bit in my opinion, i preferred the middle where u tellin us bout ur kid n ur feelings. Thats where da true emotion n story was at.

Keep droppin my man. :thumbup:

I cant get links on this pc, its fucked, so could u hit up "My Thug Nature" OM plz.

Thanks.

1

wow that wuz deep..that made me think..and i dont usually think

Hey, thanks again, everyone...

Specially the amigos...Bounce, Feebs, Daz...all you cats...thanks.

Much appreciated.

born stop being a dick... I was on my computer at my home... have you ever heard about this new invention called... the telephone..? maybe not... and don't assume shit fuck boy...





now as far as this... A. You'll probably never do audio so the opening was fine... B. the flow was eh... C. Story was great... could have been drawn out alot more... all in all it wasn't sucktacular... Congrads.

Thanks for the critique...

Bite me on the other though!
Bite me hard...and a little to the left!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Born To Kill

Thanks for the critique...

Bite me on the other though!
Bite me hard...and a little to the left!

---

How about I don't... and just forget about this.

Fine...hold grudges...

Like being in line at Best Buy with a bunch of Gellar's latest.

yeah that jaun was hott

Wow...

Revived.

How cool.

Thanks, dude.

Amazing, thats all I pretty much have to say. Everything was on point and true, I've tried to write something like this, but it never came through to what I wanted and you put it all on point. Expect a nomination buddy.

yeah this peice = legends...thats all I got to say very fucking nice read great job

Thanks much, dude...alot.