like i have said you are nice sin you could use work but who couldnt?
keepin comin pimp rtf battle in sig
like i have said you are nice sin you could use work but who couldnt?
keepin comin pimp rtf battle in sig
^ Thanks, this Open Mic isnt for everyone.
A lot of it is true also.
More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More Feedbackkk
Its me she's fearing, she came out early "I just got us a room... son"............
"WELL DID YOU THINK OF THAT BEFORE?! OR WAS YOUR CRACK FOR FUN?!"
I wasn't really feelin that line...... overall it's not too bad. reminds me of older eminem. i like the structure, although a couple bars were just a little long. it's deep, and has emotion and meaning behind it. keep writing from the heart.
Last edited by EmceeLug; March 2nd, 2005 at 06:05 AM Reason: not long enough
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It aint about winnin, it aint about losin.. It's about life, and the love of rhyming
The second line in that bar was more aimed at her calling me "son".
But thanks for the feedback.
MORE OF IT!
Mmmmmk...
Technically, ya need a bit of work.
Ya lines are very stretched and you're only rhyming the last word.
No internals. If ya hafta have long lines then ya hafta have internals otherwise flow sags like your's did at times.
Aside from that, vocab was simple, but the situation didn't call for much complexity.
This was raw, weird, and sick as anyone could possibly imagine or even want to.
Well, the ending was.
As far as story, good, descriptive...s'aight.
I didn't vibe with the "drive to a motel, let mom go inside and get a room"
That was lame-ish for me...
Why not just close the bedroom door?
And how could you rust Mom to not call the cops once you let her outta the car?
Anyway, minor story flaws for me, but otherwise...
I dunno...it's ok for what it was...which was good...but really bizarre.
Peace
The ending was like rated X R
that shit was sick with the knife
ur vocab was aight but ur lines were stretched kinda long
U told a good story but if u can advance ur word play to it would be a lot better
Dont worry this is a good drop
just giving u some feed back to help build u up
keep up the crazy suspenseful rated x horror stories
hit some of mine up to
Thanks, and Thanks.
I am glad you got the horror out of the story, that is what I was going for.
Uppin again n n n n n nn nn .
sdfgsdgpsklskfgksdg skdgsdflkg kdgkd kfop,vmopdf,vpodf,vop,vopd,fvf,gksdf,vsdfop,v'pdff opsd,go'k uppin ;>
holy shit youve upped this thing 10 times, take the hint!
Good Luck. You're Gonna Need It.
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