Jekyll & Baron Mynd - Dear Mary Jane..

[Dan Dare]

[Jekyll]

Dear Mary Jane,

You are, too potent, & I’m too devoted, by far
You are the only girl for me, my one & only superstar
Unnatural highs ..
.. These things we do for love, I’ll never know
Watching you grow’s helped me get by ..
.. & that just makes me wanna set it slow

This elevation, I can’t let go, for the life of me.
The perfect self..
.. Like, an image of what I can be.
I love you, my lady, you are what I live for -
An’ I know you can give more ..
.. This euphoria, is uplifting me

[Baron]

Sweet Mary Jane,
.. The thought of her brightens my day
And seeing her wrapped up in herself ..
.. Puts a smile on my face
I’m whiling away, the hours of my shift at work ..
.. Quietly awaiting that, potent kiss of hers
Having to resist the urge, reminds me of those days ..
.. When she’d gimme a rush of blood to the head,
Like Coldplay ..

Had me feeling over the moon, & I’ve watched you grow ..
.. But MJ, there’s just one thing you’ve got to know –

[Jekyll]

Damn,
I love you.. sweetheart, to death I will live our love
We’re not given much to go on, in life, & what we are ..
.. It’s not much
Yet I knew you to be true, since before I knew ..
.. What a lie was
& deny it, you left, and cried those pretty eyes out


Signed,


------ Peter Parker.

[Dan Dare]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...17#post2134317
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...59#post2134359

[Baron Mynd]

dOpe ..

[Dan Dare]

^ funny, that's like the typical response you get as feedback, nowadays on this site... LOL

Anyway, up.

[DrFunkMD]

Haha, the end of it was really funny, and is a nice twist to the song.

Great job.

[Lil Cap0ne]

lol were did you come up with the idea to be peter parker haha..anyways nice job

[Dep!ct]

first, this was dope. cam got it right.
...............................^^lol


but to add content since jek be lookin for it i'll ask u a ?.

jek: do you know what lucy is?

[djb]

it was cool i liked it. i liked the idea. i think some things could have been built on a little bit. when i was reading it i didnt feel like it was something peter parker would say. i dunno. i think if you wrote a letter it would have been a little bit different. maybe some more figurative language would have helped this. i dunno seemed sweet but i couldnt picture peter parker saying it.

please return the favor
my om:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175094

[Mr. Waltz]

I know what you mean, but when I was writing it, I didn't really think it was that important, about - "how Peter Parker would say it." Cuz like, it wasn't supposed to be realistic, just an idea to write to. Plus, it wasn't only about spiderman of course. Thanks for reading though, I'll reply to that when I get some spare time tomorrow, or Cam will, I'm sure. Up.

- Jek`

[Knoxxious]

Good work. Flowed well, structure was good, worded nicely, vocab was pretty good too. Overall a good job.

p.s. I also love mary jane. pz.

[Baron Mynd]

lol were did you come up with the idea to be peter parker haha..anyways nice job

I came up with it. :^)
Figured we'd do the generic Mary Jane / Weed similarities, but then flip it again. Glad you enjoyed.

Leave links and i'll get at them when ive got time.


Pz!

[Dan Dare]

I added substance to it though.

Up.

[Andrew..]

Nice. Good concept. Good opener and closer. Good flow and vocabulary. Nice peice from both of you as usual. Good story kind of.

-Wise

[PuffNGive]

i enjoyed it, this was a dope piece, i was laughin like hell when it said peter parker... thought it was bout weed...
keep droppin dope...

[ThE kId BiG]

nice, nice, nice


return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175849