Stand in a Line

Stand in a Line

10 niggas stand in line - hooded with red bandanas
everyone of them ready to snap like lil' tony montanas
they never knew love, just organized crime and bloods
and are very clever in addictin the mind to drugs
they grind like thugs, only workin out problems with nines n' slugs
yet are incredible with survival instinct and their way to live
hustlin everday as if it were their last day to live
a way to give,
them a meaning to life, a way for them to stack cheese
and attract dreams off these crack feins, so the counter-react seems
it creates exact scenes, in which cops cant even try cost
they dont fuck with them in hopes they'll just die off
like it'll stop anyway,
you cant help a mind thats faught everyday
caught in the way,
just bound to get hit by a shot that goes stray
every gang plottin their play
steadily stockin their yay
on the edge of their seats just waitin to pop in n' spray
niggas could have the block on lock in a day
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10 nerds stand in a line, laptop and resume at hand
filled with no worries, could literally just throw a hundred grand
but end up dumber than,
a nigga slangin contraband
cuz they take shit with no reply
just makeshift into what they decide
or shoot up an entire work, n' atleast imply
wonderin when the beast of lonlieness will die
n' when its your time, hold the book of holieness and cry
cuz those 10 bloods will put a bullet between ya eyes
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10 police officers stand in a line, each with their on hand on a nine
they could give a damn if ur fine, cuff em - he's just expandin the crime
but i demand in my mind, that im a different brand of a kind
cuz, see - whats fucked up is
their meant to serve justice
but EVERYONE agrees their disgusted
the police help nothing
just give us more of a reason to excel
more of a reason to rebel
the reason their receivin hell
and also the reason they conceived a jail
if this was their idea to fight back then believe they failed
but eventually, life sentences cut short, and the 10 thugs die
no love or tears to cry,
just 10 more bloods to stand in a line

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319737
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319530

your multis were prolly the stand out in this piece, though
i feel that it could have been executed better, it needed
to be explored more especially the nerds part, well actually
the whole thing needed to be more cohesive as i thought
the concept behind the script was cool , the whole were
not so differnt thing, as ive been told by our local P.D
they consider themselves the most powerfull gang, so yerr
maybe a lil more depth is needed, honestly this concept has
potential for greatness, id be tempted to tell you to pull it and
explore the dynamics a lil more, cos at the moment its ight
but like i said the potential is crazy, keep rippin those scriptz
RTF hit hte links

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

thanks for the feed. im developing it as we speak.

uppin.

uppin.

i thought this was a deep rhyme-i realy felt your image here and I enjoyed the multis, just like was said earlier-u might have been able to execute a lil better but all in all it was a fine ass rhyme-comment on some of mine if you get a chance

aight...ill hit the links.

uppin.

Man im really liking the concept of this,10 dudes in a line etc nice work in that respect.

The bloods bit was the best verse in my opinion all though each verse should had a set amount of bars 16 for instance,that way coulda told more of the nerds story and that all though the stand out bar of the piece came from that verse-

wonderin when the beast of lonlieness will die
n' when its your time, hold the book of holieness and cry

I liked that the last 3 words of each line connected well for me.

Overal ite piece,as has been said befor could have been execusted a bit better with more care,but stil i enjoyed it.

Dude this is no hate or nothing i leave true feedback

It obvious you have some idea to write a topical you have a decent ryhme scheme but your structure looks all nasty and shit read some HoF pieces to grasp a good style of writting but other than that the topic was gay i mean like you gotta write on something deeper than this
keep wrtting and you'll do good

Yea I Agree with Art Your shit was worded pretty well tight piece struture Messed it up badly but the flow scheme wordplay was aight for an messed up strcture.. Read some HOF Pieces or Start Collabin and collab with someone dope and Learn how to connect with your writings overall pretty decent piece ...Keep ya Head up -1-