User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

  1. #1
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    1,851
    Battle Record
    3-0

    Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide


    The Moon’s glows enclosed in caskets
    So I stroll through zones of blackness
    And roam through poems of passion
    On the road to Rome it happen





    I open the gates as Death approaches, followed by a swarm of locus
    Cloaked in black and staff half broken, skull was cracked in fact eroded
    Face was masked and lacked emotion, eyes bleed red like rats and roaches
    He moved in such a placid motion, no devotion in his steed
    Just floated by like tumble weeds, a ghost in fact I had just seen
    For his horse was black as tea, perhaps has black as shadows seem
    As shallow breeze wisped across me, as I strapped the saddle seam
    To a near by tree and guided Death to the Castle’s feast




    I dare not breath his potent airs that spun amongst the winds
    His darkness hung with beastly snares in conjunction with his sins
    We traveled through the orchard fields with every step the roses kneeled
    As if to say goodnight, for every step he took in stride the roses would just die
    Every plant was brunt to sod as if to match is cape and hood
    His fingers look like rotten wood his sleeves a drooping thread
    He pointed at the ravage dogs that stood amongst the ledge



    Their habits went from good to bad and even into threat
    They barked aloud in savage styles
    and massive growls at this creepy mess
    He grasped his staff and split their breast exposing open chest
    Their hearts were froze and flesh was cold by this touch of death
    He took their souls so I suspect - though I never asked
    I stopped a while to rest my feet, but Death was rather fast
    Continued through the orchards and up the dusty steps
    Entered through the forums and proceeded to the left
    We heard the music loud and clear coming down the halls
    The old castle had a lot of strengths but lacked it in the walls
    The Ball was amidst us, but soon a sudden pause
    The awes from the invites came from what they saw
    But trouble did not lie in the image thus at all



    For Death was pissed beyond believe - his jaws were dripping razor teeth
    These people lay jeopardy , desperately some tried to flee
    But never made it past their seats - they glared at he with grave struck eyes
    As poison rains from Zeus’s skies inducing blazing strikes of light
    Through window pains in muted aims lightning came in lucid flames
    Ending human life - his handy tool sliced through fools
    Who dare assume Christ would guided them through this room
    And deliver them from doom - some people screamed in agony
    As if they knew their paths would lead to Satan’s burning fumes



    But I did not morn a single one
    For you see hell was formed from the evilness they bore
    They were all of noble blood and rotten to the core
    They gave a fuck about their subjects and only covet wealth
    They played the people as if puppets and only loved themselves
    So I felt no gilt a course as nature took its final course
    I hoped upon my stagnant horse and headed east to Rome






    Last edited by LedgenZ; December 12th, 2006 at 03:02 PM

  2. #2
    F.A.D.
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Indiana
    Age
    33
    Posts
    182
    Battle Record
    2-4

    Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

    I realy liked your multis and I thought it had a neat flow, and the pics were cool (I liked the warcraft one!!) and it was real in depth. Only thing I have to say is that some words seemed like you just fit in their to rhyme-but other than that it was nice-keep it goin
    if you get a chance help cloze these plz


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    1,851
    Battle Record
    3-0

    Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

    dj…
    War of Worlds. Feat Truth.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...59#post5357359

    Quarter
    Dead Man Tells No Tales
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...18#post5357418


    Mindless
    Riot
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319345

    Engivale
    Some Thoughts of Mine.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319564

    Atticus
    "This was George"
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...75#post5357675

    Aksent
    Taking the wind out of their sales
    Last edited by LedgenZ; December 12th, 2006 at 07:10 PM

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    1,851
    Battle Record
    3-0

    Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

    up.....

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Age
    35
    Posts
    438
    Battle Record
    1-2

    Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

    the opener and first stanza was great. i felt the passion you mentioned, it flowed soooooo damn well. that first stanze had helluva emotion and imagery, and rolled riiight off the tongue. the second stanza wasnt so good. you continued the imagery and story pretty well, just the flow wasnt there, lack of emotion as well. wow that third stanza had me going the whole time. this was your best. the story is continued so well with the 'i suspect he took his soul - i didnt ask'. the imagery was superb as the other stanzas, but this stood out as the best. the fourth stanza was choppy. had some good parts, others not so well. imagery was a little off, not expressed very well...didnt like storyline at the end. the ending was mediocre. it started out great, but you didnt end on such a good note. without the few flaws in some of those stanzas this could of been legendary. other than that...very dope piece.

    return feed...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319768
    Nick James.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Monaaaaaaaaaaaaay



  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Age
    40
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    4-2

    Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

    the imagery in this was cool and the emo was pretty strait
    the story had a fresh spin on it due to your use of pictures
    the multis were just all right for me they seemed a lil choppy
    in places, i think you need to check your grammar as i saw
    a couple of words that were used incorrectly, most likely
    due to typo's , minor yes , but the made me stop and
    check which stops the fluidity of the read=not good,
    overall this was decent read and there were spots of
    fire throughout this piece, keep rippin those scriptz
    RTF hit the link ...peace

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    36
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins

    Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

    WOW...

    LED nice job man really i liked this drop definatly... i was really stunned in your wordings in superb form man you really kicked your creative talent into 6th gear for this drop right here man really impressed.. your first stanza was a nice opener and it kept the smooth flow through the whole piece man really a nice mature drop from you man i was just deeply in touch with your piece man nice drop... your wordings and vocab were nicely used and the multies and metaphorical use was executed well man nice job

    RTF on untitled link in my sig to the left
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  8. #8
    Innovator.
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,990
    Battle Record
    1-1

    Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

    Good stuff.

    Very descriptive. Imagery was on point and this was really, really, really gory. I really liked how you portrayed each picture so vividly, yet concise. And then I liked how you incorporated the content within in picture with the storyline. This was overall a technically sound piece. You've elevated (I mean, you were already good) a lot since the last drop I've read from you. You tweaked some parts of your writing. Still that flow is masterful though..good stuff.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  9. #9
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Knoxville, Tennessee.
    Age
    39
    Posts
    5,350
    Battle Record
    1-0
    Awards WOP Champion

    Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

    Highlight the flow. This really stands out to me flow-wise, you really put a lot of effort into making the lines really mesh together. Nice job. The story was so cool cuz you just kept switching it to the pictures, I thought that was a real cool way to write for an OM, it obviously shows you put some effort into this. Oh - small note - font was cool too, LoL. Anyways man, good to see a piece from you this was hella creative and just plain well written, there's not much to qualm about here, really. Nice job.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  10. #10
    Rookie Veteran
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Your Conscience's Conscience
    Age
    34
    Posts
    244

    Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide

    Fuckin' wow. This was dope man, dope indeed. First of all, the opener was amazing I knew right away I was reading something worthwhile. The flow was so smooth and just made the piece yet, you had adequate emotion too, enough to provide that the flow wasn't standing alone if you know what I mean. The pictures were moving and on point for the most part and like I said about the flow, multies were amazing. There were few hitches in the piece like, maybe a line or two were your count was off or maybe a word that seemed out of place here and there but that was minor. Your vocab was excellent and not over the top. My favorite part as I said is....

    I open the gates as Death approaches, followed by a swarm of locus
    Cloaked in black and staff half broken, skull was cracked in fact eroded
    Face was masked and lacked emotion, eyes bleed red like rats and roaches
    He moved in such a placid motion, no devotion in his steed
    Just floated by like tumble weeds, a ghost in fact I had just seen
    For his horse was black as tea, perhaps has black as shadows seem
    As shallow breeze wisped across me, as I strapped the saddle seam
    To a near by tree and guided Death to the Castle’s feast
    And this also...


    For Death was pissed beyond believe - his jaws were dripping razor teeth
    These people lay jeopardy , desperately some tried to flee
    But never made it past their seats - they glared at he with grave struck eyes
    As poison rains from Zeus’s skies inducing blazing strikes of light
    Through window pains in muted aims lightning came in lucid flames
    Ending human life - his handy tool sliced through fools
    Who dare assume Christ would guided them through this room
    And deliver them from doom - some people screamed in agony
    As if they knew their paths would lead to Satan’s burning fumes
    And the opener was liked by me too, caught me to the piece. This was overall a very good piece worth Nom. Keep up man.

    And check out 'Battle of the Sexes' in my sig. Thanks.
    -Insert Sig-



Similar Threads

  1. Homicide
    By Gutta Gutta in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: September 29th, 2005, 10:30 AM
  2. Justifiable Racism?(pt2)
    By The-Heir in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 88
    Last Post: March 10th, 2005, 12:18 AM
  3. Justifiable Racism?
    By Nomadic in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 168
    Last Post: March 9th, 2005, 10:48 PM
  4. Homicide
    By C.F.C in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: June 28th, 2002, 10:50 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •