Real Shit: My Obsticles

[vocabz]

'A prisoner to my own past..'


I've came across a path,...Confused As My issues have grasped my emotions
Floatin in a puddle of omens.Only realizin' my acomplishments trapped my focus
I let my mind wander along w/ my ego,...At last im broken..So I chose to open
Wearin' the clothes im chosen,.draped in the ruins which is the last i wrote in
My reflection showing,Flowin' its essence,..but Only the ignorant know this
& Ask no questions,..or lessons but still I couldnt resist but to show this
I need help.but I chose to look ahead of my motives,...Im devoted to write
Every thought I fight,trained' my sight to think twice before i know its right
Livin' a soldiers life..towards my shoulders height i see.my mental structure
Floatin' its stencils cover.which i hid under my fears,..Its my pencils mother
Which became my downfall,Now I drown all my clues,leadin' to the lesson
Leading to A question,if this is my therapy why does it lean to depression?
.Theres rarely any progression,Or any that i can feel,..I've drawn most fears
Except ones i wrote here,So why turn back?.When i still havnt gone nowhere
Still,stuck in the place i've started.No footprints behind me..besides memorys
& A past i cant escape.no words can relate to this,..so I've disguised destiny
behind A second seed..which i thought would reflect my dreams.but I've seen
Everything my chest can hold..The test can fold..that means i have to leave
In a scene of puddles,Trees burnt to ashes I cant breath.the aroma fights to let
My spirit fly free,so besides me is a pen to stop from doin' shit i might regret
But the dead cant do that,but my self concious ego might forget.I'm clueless
To a knight that steps into illusions,proving im nothin'...beggin me to do this
All hope is useless,Cuz i've used this excuse to do shit.so I find the reign
& Line the aim to reality,Cuz everythin' i write just brings my mind to pain
A recorded set-bacc in the time line.i gain..nothin' except a lucid infection
Which drew this reflection..into my essence.but i'm used ta this direction
On going backwords..its in my possesive nature.Never hid under follicles
Which could show signs of light,..but it proves to be just another obsticle
In my imagination,I said everythings possible,..but it dont seem that way
Said things i didnt mean to say,I thought of light.but i havnt seen that day
And i've been writin awhile,Would disguise my anger as a knife in the isle
Just another object to get over,my emotions ironic.& When i fight A smile
My thoughts just recite my life as A child,...I never really got over its feel
Still i conceal my pain,but reveal them as thoughts.now im older..its real
Realizing the reality of my world,A dimension of tests,Im A vet to sorrow
Its the truth behind A abstract writers obsticles,So.Whats next tommorow?





http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=327442
Spaced out - Ft Johnny 6 Feet

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=327059
Murder - Cyanidal & SLick ProgrezZ

[Kris Stubbs]

great storyline, and your multis were very good for a starter on rb...but you kind of went a little overboard with it..Try not to put as many in, and it tends to help the flow sound alot better...your vocab was very good. I am still surprised with your wordplay. your gettin there kid better and better with each thing you write...keep that thought up..and dont ever quit. keep tryin to do better and better

[hi-caliber]

i really liked this piece...ur mulitis and wordplay is nice....flow is fell off a lil at parts..but overall meaning behind it was coo...keep up the work..1

[The Vortex]

had some nice flo ideas...especialy since you wrote with long lines but still kept the flow strong.and multies was poppin off......

had some cool imagery ideas as well

Livin' a soldiers life..towards my shoulders height i see.my mental structure
Floatin' its stencils cover.which i hid under my fears,..Its my pencils mother

nice



some lines i reckon could of been worded a bit better. just like slight errors here and there........ vocab was pretty good . got a bit repetitive with certain words in a few bars,,,,, //
you definitely expressed yourself well in this piece, sort oF HAD A HINT OF DESPAIR IN IT LIKE MANY OF MY RAPS DO. WE LIIKE WHERE IS THE LIGHT AT?..
def some nice rap skills on the table here........ was an entertaining read verbaly....so yeah u did your tjhing. and keep doing that

pz1

[vocabz]

I appreciate the feed, man. This actually was a new kinda style I tried grippin at, but let go... I mean, I think it came out pretty dope, so I wanted some heads to see it... My other ones "Feedback please....", and I think you should check it out... It's one of the doper few I did on "Open Mic", and I came pretty ILL with the multi's. Id appreciate it.

[P. Mortuus]

Yup this was pretty good, good snese of flow which got into the piece and made the reader hooked for a while...similar to V's stuff, like he said previously it had a snese of despair, me against the world type of thing, i usually like that kinda stuff and the mulitiple rhyming bought in makes it a good package. This was something i would really have related to in one of my paranoid moods na mean lol. OVerall i'ts good work, good to see new heads poppin' off some dope ish. Stay up^

Yup i'v gona more poetic on my new piece and would like some outlooks, so if you can:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=327846

[vocabz]

I appreciate the feed, Baron... your sig... LOL!!!
UPPIN 4 another!!!!!

[vocabz]

uppin' 4 another

[Paperback]

I have to start of by saying your structure really made it difficult for me to follow.
You wordplay in your pieces are your strongest focus.
This is a played out topic you are selling, Therefore either you have to sell the story by intense imagination, and a gripping tale or you have to just kill with the wordplay and make the reader forget about the story or do both.
I think you did average in both parts.
Once again work on the structure bro`
Keep up the good work`
Peace`


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=328001

[Da Human Spot]

[QUOTE=vocabz][center]
'A prisoner to my own past..'


I've came across a path,...Confused As My issues have grasped my emotions
Floatin in a puddle of omens.Only realizin' my acomplishments trapped my focus
I let my mind wander along w/ my ego,...At last im broken..So I chose to open
Wearin' the clothes im chosen,.draped in the ruins which is the last i wrote in
My reflection showing,Flowin' its essence,..but Only the ignorant know this
& Ask no questions,..or lessons but still I couldnt resist but to show this
I need help.but I chose to look ahead of my motives,...Im devoted to write
Every thought I fight,trained' my sight to think twice before i know its right
Livin' a soldiers life..towards my shoulders height i see.my mental structure
Floatin' its stencils cover.which i hid under my fears,..Its my pencils mother
Which became my downfall,Now I dr


Good shit (nas) What u tryin to kick some knowledge wit dis poem. lol.
u want feed back, ill feed u alright battle me and i can garuantee you'll get served.

[Molotav]

This was pretty nice, not a big fan of stretched lines though, but I liked the read, I liked your flow and there were some choppy points though you also had some great chances at dope creativity but you only managed to get decent concepts out of it, you also had a great topic seeing it could have had more of an effect on the readers you still did a good job on presenting and getting your point across in the end but put more of a twist to it at the end, just to make your reader wonder....keep writing.