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Thread: A Day of a Workingman

  1. #1

    A Day of a Workingman



    A Day of a Workingman


    His pupil’s staring vertically, assertively, the clouds peacefully sidestep,
    Across his eyes, he’s certain it’s curtains,
    Crowds cease to bully the sidestep,
    To his office, often head’s suffice with stress, but it’s not quite the cause,
    Of this, his coffee diced over the pavement,
    It’s a lesson & a slight pause,
    A warning to the life he endures, deadlines, reports & 4 deals to clinch,
    & Mornings involve his wife whining,
    Cheap port & torn heals, a synch?
    Inch by inch, strains of a working relationship can’t heal, it’s permanent,
    Which refers us back to the beginning,
    The result of a workingman so turbulent,
    Smartly, but half-heartedly, he’ll kiss Liselle, assuring but hardly mutual,
    For her it was like insuring her husband,
    & For him, insuring his kids trust &..
    Love that they had for him, although he was otherwise engrossed in work,
    & When questioning his devotion to Liselle,
    At the most he’d smirk,
    So what have we learned, a sharp, clever intellectual leaving a loving wife?
    Stringing her along with a hollow heart,
    That an old-flame secretly lights,
    Discreetly he writes e-mails to Lisa, an average soul, a happy-go-Larry type,
    23 years old with no responsibilities,
    Except their son, with the nappies & baby wipes,
    With a mainly white background, Craig’s reluctant to his boss, an African black,
    It’s 9.34am & he rushes to the boardroom,
    Josiah makes a sarcastic remark, Craig laughs,
    A paid laugh, but he lets it pass, the new CSLA leader is anxiously announced,
    A” Congratulations to Tony Price, great work. A”
    Furiously, Craig bounced.

    Forget everything else, normality is bigger than it seems,
    Cause’ possessing glory, can disfigure reality from dreams.
    Forget everything else, normality is bigger than it seems,
    Cause’ possessing glory, can disfigure reality from dreams.


    Flashbacks of flash-hats haunt him, executive friends & expensive smoothies,
    An angered businessman falling-down,
    Craig thought that only happened in expensive movies,
    He’s tentative, moving slow in his Audi, applauding stays transfixed to his mind,
    Hands clapping, cheering & lapping,
    Craig pulls up to his drive,
    Derived from the sheer reality of events, his behavior seemed relatively normal,
    Saw Liselle was asleep on the sofa,
    & Beside her were sedatives, her dress formal,
    Pacing to the kitchen door now, something glistening snatched Craig’s attention,
    A Rolex lying, T.P inscribed initials,
    Liselle woke to his mumbled attacking intensions,
    Due to the built up tension in his adrenaline, he sends her in to a state of panic,
    His cholesterol-level isn’t managing,
    Craig swings, & her fates decided by a manic,
    Startled by his palms heat, sweating & shaking, seething from what he’s seen,
    Liselle seemed to collapse in slow motion,
    As her teeth rattled the concrete,
    He falls into his single leather seat, it’s accepted, his futures a dismantled feat,
    Glared at Liselle like severed meat, thought-affected,
    & Grabs his coffee & keys from the mantle-piece,
    Craig hoped he’d handle this, so with his pulse racing, he resumes his afternoon,
    Drives back to his second home, floral offices,
    & Burst into a fit of laughter, but soon,
    He found it harder to breathe & started to believe, God was taking what he owed,
    Knuckles ghost-white from gripping the rail,
    Craig’s chest aching, as he began to fold,
    His fathers mould, childhood & Liselle flashes by, & how he was once hailing her,
    With a face paler, he falls on his office steps,
    & Craig died of heart failure.

  2. #2
    Last edited by Paperback; February 26th, 2007 at 09:09 AM

  3. #3
    Im[SUPER]sOnIc.gEtExCiTeD KayBori's Avatar
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    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    Quote Originally Posted by Paperback


    A Day of a Workingman


    His pupil’s staring vertically, assertively, the clouds peacefully sidestep,
    Across his eyes, he’s certain it’s curtains,
    Crowds cease to bully the sidestep,
    To his office, often head’s suffice with stress, but it’s not quite the cause,
    Of this, his coffee diced over the pavement,
    It’s a lesson & a slight pause,
    A warning to the life he endures, deadlines, reports & 4 deals to clinch,
    & Mornings involve his wife whining,
    Cheap port & torn heals, a synch?
    Inch by inch, strains of a working relationship can’t heal, it’s permanent,
    Which refers us back to the beginning,
    The result of a workingman so turbulent,
    Smartly, but half-heartedly, he’ll kiss Liselle, assuring but hardly mutual,
    For her it was like insuring her husband,
    & For him, insuring his kids trust &..
    Love that they had for him, although he was otherwise engrossed in work,
    & When questioning his devotion to Liselle,
    At the most he’d smirk,
    So what have we learned, a sharp, clever intellectual leaving a loving wife?
    Stringing her along with a hollow heart,
    That an old-flame secretly lights,
    Discreetly he writes e-mails to Lisa, an average soul, a happy-go-Larry type,
    23 years old with no responsibilities,
    Except their son, with the nappies & baby wipes,
    With a mainly white background, Craig’s reluctant to his boss, an African black,
    It’s 9.34am & he rushes to the boardroom,
    Josiah makes a sarcastic remark, Craig laughs,
    A paid laugh, but he lets it pass, the new CSLA leader is anxiously announced,
    A” Congratulations to Tony Price, great work. A”
    Furiously, Craig bounced.

    Forget everything else, normality is bigger than it seems,
    Cause’ possessing glory, can disfigure reality from dreams.
    Forget everything else, normality is bigger than it seems,
    Cause’ possessing glory, can disfigure reality from dreams.


    Flashbacks of flash-hats haunt him, executive friends & expensive smoothies,
    An angered businessman falling-down,
    Craig thought that only happened in expensive movies,
    He’s tentative, moving slow in his Audi, applauding stays transfixed to his mind,
    Hands clapping, cheering & lapping,
    Craig pulls up to his drive,
    Derived from the sheer reality of events, his behavior seemed relatively normal,
    Saw Liselle was asleep on the sofa,
    & Beside her were sedatives, her dress formal,
    Pacing to the kitchen door now, something glistening snatched Craig’s attention,
    A Rolex lying, T.P inscribed initials,
    Liselle woke to his mumbled attacking intensions,
    Due to the built up tension in his adrenaline, he sends her in to a state of panic,
    His cholesterol-level isn’t managing,
    Craig swings, & her fates decided by a manic,
    Startled by his palms heat, sweating & shaking, seething from what he’s seen,
    Liselle seemed to collapse in slow motion,
    As her teeth rattled the concrete,
    He falls into his single leather seat, it’s accepted, his futures a dismantled feat,
    Glared at Liselle like severed meat, thought-affected,
    & Grabs his coffee & keys from the mantle-piece,
    Craig hoped he’d handle this, so with his pulse racing, he resumes his afternoon,
    Drives back to his second home, floral offices,
    & Burst into a fit of laughter, but soon,
    He found it harder to breathe & started to believe, God was taking what he owed,
    Knuckles ghost-white from gripping the rail,
    Craig’s chest aching, as he began to fold,
    His fathers mould, childhood & Liselle flashes by, & how he was once hailing her,
    With a face paler, he falls on his office steps,
    & Craig died of heart failure.
    I thought this was really beautiful if I may. No gramatical errors flawlessly executed, it flowed really really well.

    "Forget everything else, normality is bigger than it seems,
    Cause’ possessing glory, can disfigure reality from dreams.
    Forget everything else, normality is bigger than it seems,
    Cause’ possessing glory, can disfigure reality from dreams."

    ^ was my favorite part. your really really good keep up!

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  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
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    Re: A Day of a Workingman


    Amazing piece, yo. I enjoyed this alot. Honestly.... In the beginning, you came nice and smooth... Talking about her whining.. The shit we need to know.... Second verse, its like the beat kicked in, and dude was fed up. He took a swing at her. Craig took off and started feelin' shit. It was dope. Definitely loved the second verse more... The way you put everything together. Detailed it well. Im amazed. So, Did Liselle live or die when Craig swung at her? I know Craigs dead from heart failure.. What about her though?...

    I enjoyed this alot, man... Keep dropping the dopeness. I'll keep an eye out for your drops. Welcome to RB.

  5. #5
    ...practice makes poetry
    Join Date
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    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    This shit belongs in Legends!
    you couldn't have done a better job breaking down the struggle of a 9 to 5 family man

    V/ Legends
    Hence Forward

  6. #6
    I sing the body electric. Maven.'s Avatar
    Join Date
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    Location
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    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    Word up Paper. I haven't read your writing in a long time, but it's as ill as ever.

    Your descriptions are so clean and concise that I could envision all the events taking place. I also liked the humanity of the character and his reactions to his surroundings.
    Very nice work indeed.
    wordperfect?
    ..o0Pure0o..

  7. #7
    Underdawgs on top Tebo's Avatar
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    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    this was dope, 10/10, this must of took a long time cuz its really good... best thing ive read on OM

  8. #8

    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    To the Bat mobile`

  9. #9

    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    Rise`

  10. #10

    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    This is wack`

  11. #11
    ...practice makes poetry
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    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    LMFAO @ this getting slept on!!!
    you suck balls paper
    Hence Forward

  12. #12

    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    I feel the same way`

  13. #13
    Banned
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    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    this shit was dope i mean the flow was on point and so was the wordplay and the structure all that shit was tight and i could see the emotion and the imagery you put into this piece overall i think it was magnificent nahmean stay up and keep wrintin dope shit like this one

  14. #14
    Newbie
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    Re: A Day of a Workingman

    Shit cuz that peice was dope az fuck, ought to be in legends fo sho.

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