Petals: The Life of a Rose

**Lord of Pens** · July 31st, 2006, 05:35 AM

Petals: The Life of a Rose

A seed...I'm feeling like a human...with all of my thoughts and feelings,
Can't see what's ahead of me...but I just want to breakout 'n breathe,
Eyes open....suffocating...with thoughts and darkness surrounding me,
What is the world like..will I be ugly..but oh the wonders of being free,
I want to break this shell....with all my might....I'm ready for the fight,
The shell seems to be giving me violent invites.....it's so very unpolite,
I feel the growth inside me like an itch.......it feels like a filled syringe,
What's this......my stem has left the soil.....touching a breeze of wind,

I'm budding....that cool breeze against my outer skin....I seem to grin,
To leave the ground that I've been in..me and the shells battle..I win,
But something is still wrong...I am still in a cage..I overflow with rage,
My thoughts of why are confused....vague....I thought I came of age,
Guess not...just another stage....I assume this bud must have to pop,
Damn...breaking shells..and now this...now I'm most certainly shocked,
What will come from this hardache..I hope next I bloom..for God's sake,
Again...the itch becomes overwhelming.....feeling like overflowing lakes,
I break free..feeling the soil I came from beneath me..buds falling freely,
Finally I am unleashed...I'm seeing the world.....OMFG.....what a feeling,

Wtf...look at me...I'm so ugly...dispicable...I see myself...'n start crying,
Feelings flowing uncontrollably.....I now look in disgust at my new being,
Is this what I've been waiting for..all my life fighting to be ugly..no more,
I will not fight anymore....if this ugly outcome is the thing humans adore,
How could they...the depiction of me SCARES ME...what do others think,
If I looked at myself..I'd uproot me...and wash myself down an open sink,
Fuck this world...I hate it..all this work for this...so just fuck my creation,
Soon as my words left my thoughts...I began to feel this great sensation,

My petals start to open slightly......I starting to feel absolutely renewed,
OMG..what's this...I'm beautiful..look at me...this is just simply wonderful,
Everytime people pass me....they look twice....that is something I notice,
They admire me....and in my mind....I can say I'm definitely a main focus,
But they cute me...to put me on display....ME....artists tried to recreate,

MY VALUE

With sculptures..paintings..but every individual...couldn't beat the original,
They made visuals...but nobody could grasp.....MY VALUE.....to an all full,
But my petals begin to weaken......the prices to see me start to cheapen,
I feel like I want to start sleeping....'n they remove me after the weekend,

Through all of the fighting..crying..and this is what I'm left with...I'm dying,
It was a good life..but now I'm suffering...and no hope for a new beginning,
I guess nobody truly valued me..I was just a display..for some quick money,
I'm assuming this is the end...no more feeling it raining...or the sun beaming,
No more suttle thoughts.....at least don't have to ever again feel distraught,
For this life I've fought...and from this live I've gained all the lessons taught,

Oh you beautiful soul...for you...I'll make this acception so you can grow old,
I felt power instead of growth...'n whatever happened will be forever untold,

...I'm now given the strength to live again...
...Petals is now my new known name...
...Now....let me explain to those...
...This is my life...as a Rose...

**Lord of Pens** · July 31st, 2006, 05:40 AM

Links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=302567
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=302896

**Ack Scent** · July 31st, 2006, 04:41 PM

This was alright. you could have been more descriptive, and more on topic. like in the 1st verse, if your talkin about growin out of the ground, don't talk about bein ugly, grow out the ground. You may not get it now, but if someone else were to spit the same verse how I'm saying it, you'd see. Everything else was good tho. Vocab, metas, multis. You could have worked on your flow tho, maybe you have an accent or somethin, a different way of speaking, but your lines didn't seem to flow well at all. no hate I'm just tryin to help you elevate. nice piece but it could use some work.

Take it all into consideration. Good job, and keep droppin.

**Lord of Pens** · July 31st, 2006, 04:44 PM

Thanx for the critiscm man. I'll definitely work on it.

**Witty** · July 31st, 2006, 07:08 PM

this was an alright peice, I liked your storyline and the topic was definitely very original so props on that....but I didn't like that you were not very descriptive at all, I like to read a piece that will explain everything to me so that I am not in the dark about what is going, having said that, this peice was actually quite easy to understand, but you should use a lot more description. apart from that I quite liked this peice, you have showed a lot of potential, and if you keep elevating I can see you turning in to a very good writer, keep at it dude, hit me up anytime you want some feed, I'll be happy to help with your elevation.

leave feed on my peice 'Last Time I Was Here'. thanks

**P. Mortuus** · July 31st, 2006, 08:58 PM

This was an enjoyable read, something that went easy on the reader and didn't ask him too look for hidden meanings. Even though i think thats good for such an original topic it can put you notches down on the technical side. I have to give you kudos thoguh, the topic isn't something you see everyday. What i reckon you need work on is probably the imagery. Use more description. Descriptive words can really make the reader see and feel things. That's why they would've added an impact of awe to my mind. Though i can still say i liked the topic, structure was good also, but only the first image worked for me as the rest wouldn't show and only bought up red crosses. I have seen that you use images in your pieces. It's good that you can connect with them. Overall, it was a good piece though it can be improved upon. All i can say is stay up and keep progressing, you have serious potential in my eyes.