Mind of a Failure (Short)

[Nique.]

Felt like writing something really quick.

Open to gather. .debating my reasons,
My emotions are shattered, and breaking in pieces,
Impatient and speechless, so profound in assumptions,
Getting pounded around, and amounting to nothing,
Face is mounted in frowns, live in a lounge of destruction,
Disgraced and hounded, I found, that I can't handle misjudgement,
Just a panel of grudges, and the friction I felt,
See I depicted an image that made me sick of myself,
Get a GRIP on ya'self, I'm so deranged and exploited,
I hate ME, from every vomit, to the stains on my toilet,
The pain can't be voided, the ruthless strides is too lost in,
Foolish minds where choosing sides has suicide as an option.

-Nique

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...51#post4749251
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...35#post4749235

['Redic']

Damn good usage of multies, especially for such a short piece very impressed much emotion not so much as imagry in this but still everything else was good shit more then good, vocabulary was not too complex but still not basic enough to notice

Impatient and speechless, so profound in assumptions,
Getting pounded around, and amounting to nothing,
Face is mounted in frowns, live in a lounge of destruction,
Disgraced and hounded, I found, that I can't handle misjudgement,

My Favorite lines.......good job

[Meters]

this flows really nicely. it's apparent you wrote this easily, you have nice writers voice/rhythm. i don't know if there's a favorite bar for me to quite which i liked the best but it's built piece by piece, well-constructed. nice, look forward to seeing some more longer pieces, i know you write a lot

[Omega.]

this was really nicely put and written......you had alot of complexity and emotion built in this piece with alot of nice multies and metaphors that really went obviously well for you in this written rhyme. i liked the fact that i can't really quote anything which mean i liked the whole verse but here is something that made me think


Just a panel of grudges, and the friction I felt,
See I depicted an image that made me sick of myself,
Get a GRIP on ya'self, I'm so deranged and exploited,
I hate ME, from every vomit, to the stains on my toilet,
The pain can't be voided, the ruthless strides is too lost in,
Foolish minds where choosing sides has suicide as an option.

^^
your ending made me think the most so there i made a quote!...

RTF on the last link or the first link in my sig...if so you could do both i would definetly appreciate it!

[Evolve]

Nique.. as it has already been noted, we have similar writing styles. Your word choice and use of multi's are impecable. This was a nice little piece. Keep it up.

[FanQ.]

This was a nice short verse Nique. The flow/multi were awsome and very easy to read, never fallen off in that category. Your words hae portrait a picture in my head as if someone is trapped in a corner and can't get out, cause people judging him/her making him/her feel useless on this earth, I think that was the concept I've just explained, Lol. The emotion from your character was very well felt, anger and mourn. The narrator style you've choosed was a good one, 1st person and that really brings out the etense, damn I can't find the word, well 'stuff' in your piece, Lol. Overall Nice verse, keep writing ma. Peace.

[Nique.]

Thanks guys.

[Illus']

Yeah the title definitely went well with
what you wrote indeed.


Nice and short kina how I like it right now
straight to the point. Nice key up.

I hate ME, from every vomit, to the stains on my toilet,
The pain can't be voided, the ruthless strides is too lost in,
Foolish minds where choosing sides has suicide as an option.

Nice lines there expressing pretty good emotion.
Definitely like the part about vomit, and toilet
stains. Nicely done unique. I am trying to stay
with a short scheme of writing , straight to the
point with aggression and emotion like crazy.
This here seem to be a nice taste, little taste
on the subject you know ? Nice for a quicky.
I wonder if you would have taken your time
how good this would have really been.


Care to collab on some emotional type topic ?
Pm me if you are interested.

Anyway overall nice drop.

[Nique.]

and we are up.

[Lord of Pens]

This piece was very good for it's short length. Good use of vocab and multi's here. I liked this alot. Rhyme scheme was pretty good also. Flow was iight. Not the best I've seen from you, but it seems as though you didn't try that hard on this. It was good though. Keep writing.