Inside Her Mind

[Lauren.]

Inside Her Mind


The whole blueprints of the issue have yet to be decoded
From the muffled sobs and stifled tears of a happiness foreboded
As the innocence decays to innovative distortion of truth
The proportions of delusion escalate to forbidden couth
As a youth once beheld of spirit fades to hollows of existance
The soul unleashes a resistance to this betrayal of conditions
Her very essence captivated by the depression of submission
Realization shows itself through recession of her burning premonitions
Unrelated to fair boding, left brooding through a tangled scandal
Assuming forward to her life she cluthced the tragedy-paved handle
Recollecting unleashed parables, becoming untamed aptitude
The awestruck burning in her eyes christened this a sad prelude
To labyrinths of desparation, endless halls of degradation
The stony onlookings of many just affirmed this decimation
Repercussions of her maladies ushered unforgotten debts
Ensuing twists of fate all echoing death's unheard solemn threats
Regrets past reconcilliation overwhelm her haunted musings
Blurred confusing hints of resolve cast her upon her own choosing
Destined by a tortured soul standing depraved of innocence
THe spawn of admonition now enslaved to self emprisonment


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=302888
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=302906

[Angelsanctuary]

I liked it flowed together in a way that intrapped me to keep going. The images stood out and the words were more than meaningful.
-Hit my poem up
"Pills".

[Synonym]

Damn....Good Peice.

Yeah I really liked the imagery in here pretty much some nice concepts as well and it's good too see that the nice concepts started in the begining and not the middle or end and a great deal of creativity along with the story that fits the picture pretty good I would say you elevated alot from the last drops I saw from you which was quite awhile ago =/ but none the less your proved yourself of being a great writer with this piece once again props on the creativity,concepts,and imagery on this piece also a decent strucutre keep at it

[Synonym]

Hit this up if you will plz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303086

thanks.

[Lauren.]

thanks for the feed

[Lauren.]

upping

[Lauren.]

please leave feed

[Relli_Mak]

This piece was decent, it had some imagery and the concept was pretty good. (Sorry about the small feed-back)

[Lauren.]

thanks for the feed

[Mr. Ca$h]

This was a deep peice. I enjoyed reading it, the topic was interesting and i thought it was cool as well.....the flow to this was consistantly smooth and that was great..rhyme scheme and vocab was nice throughout, complexity and imagery was nice as well....great job overall i liked this peice..keep it up..

[Stunee]

Ok, let me start off by sayin, 60% of this, I was able to read...the other fourty percent, i was feeling lost...shit I'm illiterate. Though, in what I was able to make out, it was like, complex feeling of emotion, sad though. I think you could step it down with the vocabulary use, because I felt it was a bit over used, and was fucking up the flow and the syllables in your lines...a few times it became stretched. Dont get me wrong a nice piece, no doubt, but this aint my style and I dont usually give criti on something like this, but it was short, so I figured I'd give it a try. Imagery was aight, and I saw some metas...but it also kinda seemed like the whole thing was more of an implication on the topic. If you work on the rhyme scheme and structure of using complexity, than it'll be dope...keep writing, stay up.

[Lauren.]

yeah well it was me trying to get my emotions out, none of the vocab was forced in it, those words just come to me naturally I guess, but thanks for the feed

[Lauren.]

upping, leave links and I'll get at them