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Thread: Bodybag

  1. #1
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    Bodybag

    Bodybag
    Presented By: Ike Ill.

    Chapter 1:
    Jeffrey Rampling; My first laugh


    Way back when, I was nine... Carving pumpkins with a pocket knife
    I sat still in my mother's lap, and she explained I hadn't laughed in my life
    Thinking nothing of it, I carved on, though my mom's face was still crooked
    We lived out in the open country, any chance for money; We took it
    See it wasn't all bad, our family did have some good times in the end
    School didn't pass eighth grade, and it was difficult to make a friend
    Being in the middle of no where, I carved all day in heat wieldin' sun
    Because we never ran out of pumpkins, my dad had a field of 'em
    Eventually I became an expert, carving names with stains n' shit
    Tic tac toe games, and picture frames, I slice away pains with it
    I always had an unexplained interest in death, but I never did any harm
    S'not like I learned it in school, just from slaughtering animals on the farm..
    Sometimes I kept the cow eyes, or chicken feet with me so I could
    Expect death to come in my room at night like the tooth fairy would
    But he never did, this pissed me off, I got in fights with my mom
    I'd tell her about my wet dreams of her, I didn't know it was wrong
    "Half to death", my dad would say, because he beat me a lot, see
    So I ran away, to the neighbor's farm.. Where I saw my first dead body
    When glaring at it for hours, I caught on finally; of what it was
    To mine and my mom's suprise, I couldn't stop laughing for months.


    Chapter 2:
    Fifth Base


    It turns out my father had kicked me out, I pity our strife
    So I knew I had to leave town and head to the city for life
    It's hard, though I'm passing by, paying my rent every month n'
    I live next to a lady with a young girl, we talk every now and then
    Knowing me and her daughter are friends, I get to babysit her here
    Now being nineteen, I admit, to others it does look a little weird
    Giving her baths... I touch her, I like to let her know that I care
    Spreading her five year old legs to rub a pussy with no hair...
    She lets out a small moan, oh that voice, turns me on the most
    I tell her we're playing an adult game, that only the two of us know
    When her mother is out at target, we act like doctors as a sign
    Of love, under her bed, the living room, and in mom's bed sometimes
    I told her I had to leave real quick, I'll be back within' 30 minutes
    And that I loved her, I'll lock all doors, windows to show no gimmick
    Leaving with fifty bucks, I went to see a friend with practice
    Of a lot of drugs, n' I had asked him if I could purchase some acid
    Taking my leave from his house, I came home to her with shine
    And a smile on my face, as I told her it was dinner time
    I poored the LSD in, she ate... Being drugged up gave her a charm
    Of loneliness, I shoved my knife in and giggled with her in my arms
    ...

    Chapter 3:
    The Bodybag


    I left this girl's house in a hurry, after I boxed her up
    N' pulled her outside with a marking of "fragile" in my truck
    We drove off, no one had a clue, when we passed the police
    So we drove to the next city, just me and my rolled up sleaves
    See I happened to get a job, in the fields, I still smirked
    Anything that kept me from killing was best in my field of work
    I ended in trouble with the boss, hard ass thought I was a liar
    And I stole strawberries, which never happened, but I still got fired
    I never meant to do any harm, at least to my best alarm
    But no one liked me in the new place, so I had went home to my farm
    Seeing no one there when I walked in... "mom, dad, are you here?"
    Sitting still on the coffee table, was a warm, half way drank beer
    Knowing they hadn't moved, I walked into the back room
    Where my dad, beating my mom. flashbacks hit me too soon
    I went out back, throwing fits, and picked up a sharp piece of wood
    And busted in swinging at them both, anger, for me, wasn't good.
    I ended up knocking out my mother, and stabbing dad in the chest
    Driving off with them in a garbage wrap, to the place that I left
    Both tightly secure, I put them in a grave labeled "Rampling"
    And crawled in with them... giggling like a little girl
    ... We finally were a family

  2. #2
    Chemo sick Plexus's Avatar
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    WOW...like always another twizted piece from twizted lmao....but seriously it was dope....the imagry was nice made me feel like i had killed everyone lol....the flow was on point and very consistent....emotion was good but in a wierd way....not to many multies whitch was the only thing i wish i woulda saw more of....the ending was great.....a perfect ending for a piece like this....overall dope piece twizt.....9.3/10......keep it up
    Monster's Ink

    2xOMHoF


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  3. #3
    Chemo sick Plexus's Avatar
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    BTW hit this up for me twizt with some feed please

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=249288
    Monster's Ink

    2xOMHoF


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  4. #4
    Im -not- BacK
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    OMG...that is amazin, it flowed, rhymed, created a real image in my head of a lonely boy trying to amuse himself, but by being lonely, he had to kill for entertainment. Its a bit like 'Scary Story' of Will Smiths newest album.
    Don't Do Drugs EP is coming soon.

    Remember Me?

  5. #5
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    this was dope as hell, u got tha flow down to perfection,i was feeling tha first verse the most cuz i cud imagine evrything u wer sayin perfectly, ur structure was perfect and ur beginning was great,it really set tha whole thing off,it was a bit of a sick peice but it was dope, one of tha dopest OM's i've seen here for a while

  6. #6
    G.A.C
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    yo man its first thing in the morning im in college and reading that made me wanna cap su'body nice dog good lookin'

  7. #7
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    thats some deep hardcore shit right there. I could really imagine on the that. Aye vote on the battle in front lines verbal thesis vs dj omega red i just upped it so it should be right there
    Verbal Thesis-The Definition Of Rap

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  8. #8
    jake
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    ...That was Sick, Tha flow, Rhyme skeme Vocab., Ya touched on it All....Personally, the 3rd Verse is The best...Ya Just Killed It...Oh Yeah 1st Bar is dope!!!! the Structure is Nice too.....And Do you Go By IdE_iLL...?? (not on here)....

  9. #9
    I have the biggest goddamn user title on the whole of the fucking net, your user titles pale in comparison you fucking pussies
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    do I know you? why did you link me to this?

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  10. #10
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    No, that's gay. This is my rapper name. Say it out loud. Thanks everyone, keep going, every little bit of feedback you can throw at me is widely appreciated. even if it's "you suck".


    Link 1:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248957

    Link 2:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=3462576
    Last edited by Ike Ill.; November 16th, 2005 at 03:30 PM

  11. #11
    Real Talk
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    Yo dat ryme was pretty good man. I'm impressed... slightly desterbed lol but overall impressed. The flow was aite... pretty constant. Maybe find some better vocab words to finish each line with though. The most mind blowin thing bout this poem was tha imagery... nigga that shit was insane!! i akchly felt like i was INSIDE your story. Keep the imagery up man... nice 1.

    Here's some battles of ine that i'd appreciate if you had a look and contributed your thoughts and votes. Thanx man. And thanx again for the choice poem. Cheers.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248807
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248714
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248958
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248713

  12. #12
    War on Drugs Sgt Spliff's Avatar
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    that shit is tight man but, this line kinda was weird lol, jus what you say scared me lol
    But he never did, this pissed me off, I got in fights with my mom
    I'd tell her about my wet dreams of her, I didn't know it was wrong
    other than that i like it ay that shit is very vivid in my head now, get it out...

    keep this shit up ay you and that twisted dude hav real good topic or whatever this is
    Buddha Blessed

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! J StYLeZ's Avatar
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    hmmmm

    this is interesting. very twisted.
    not really rap lyrics but a nice....well not really nice, but an entertaining story i'll say. I can tell you spent a lot of time on it.

  14. #14
    got to agree wit j^

  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    I always had an unexplained interest in death, but I never did any harm
    S'not like I learned it in school, just from slaughtering animals on the farm..

    good foreshadowing here as you can see the meaning of this line later on in the piece

    When glaring at it for hours, I caught on finally; of what it was
    To mine and my mom's suprise, I couldn't stop laughing for months.

    ummm.....ok, this line has me a little confused, were you laughing because you like death or some other reason. The part that says, "to mine and my mom's surprise is what really had me thinking. im guessing that your mom was basically like wtf? why is he laughing but why were you surprised. you've already stated that you have an unexplained interest in death so this shouldnt have been a problem. maybe because it was a human body instead of an animal???

    We drove off, no one had a clue, when we passed the police
    So we drove to the next city, just me and my rolled up sleaves

    rolled up sleaves because you dont want the blood on your clothing? this line seems almost filler and just didnt flow right because of the need to rhyme

    I ended in trouble with the boss, hard ass thought I was a liar
    And I stole strawberries, which never happened, but I still got fired

    just another line where i think it's a little bit of forced rhyming


    overall not a bad piece at all. i see some problems here and there but not bad. i hope this isn't a true story, is it? and dammit, stop writin about this like this, write about somethin happy for once lol. i like the story-like structure and the flow was pretty good. Multies were just enough to where they were only used where needed and not overdone like some topical heads like to do.

    well, im tired of typing lol. im gettin hand cramps so that'll be all the feed for now.

    could you rtf on this battle for me?
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248559
    would be very appreciated, thanks
    Last edited by Tony Brown; November 16th, 2005 at 08:10 AM

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