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Thread: Consciousness, It's Bothersome

  1. #1
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    Consciousness, It's Bothersome

    Yeah, under a salmon sunset and the seasons upset, laid a strong pup,
    another runt of the litter, who, while still blind, attempted to stand up.

    There behind it, finding its way remained that one anxious adolescent,
    who counted the remnants of his life not in years but in mere seconds.

    Under this blessed sunshine in the broad firmament, He stood unlikely,
    a sad man who waits with a thumb up his ass, but he’s just hitchhiking.
    And this phenomenon he’s observing, isn’t a miracle wrapping tightly
    that’s patiently waiting to be satiated by the greedy kid’s hands nightly.

    Our problems, man, they’re waiting for it to end…it’s called aftermath.
    But the most opaque is when the night meets the day, on a canine’s path.

    - Inside the Boy’s Mind –


    Orange = Holy
    Blue = Evil
    Gray = Neutral
    Bold = Kid


    LEAVE HIM THE FUCK BEHIND.
    Don’t listen to your consciousness, its called free will buddy, it’s enormous,
    stop molding your life around your mind, you retarded fucking conformist...



    Now hold it, I’m neutral in this situation, but I say go and get the fuck away;
    you can exert your free will if that’s what you wish, and it'll all be okay...


    That’s contradictory, and I can’t believe you bend minds to accept your terms.
    I can’t believe you’d coax this kid to leave his fucking family for the worms…
    Sure, he’s an idiot ---


    HEY!

    --- but that’s just because he’s scared of denying lame statements,
    so how the hell can you persuade another potential world-changer in the making?
    Your name, well, you’re labeled greed, the lack of compassion, and secondly…
    You can accept sympathy but not dish it out, bitch it’s a thing called empathy…



    You were kidnapped, taken against your will from the confines of your abode,
    run with the currents of wind at your back guiding you to your lovely home…
    No, you know you’re faster then that man who didn’t think you’d go struggle,
    No one is fucking telling you to play the hero OR to try and be fucking subtle.


    Hell, I’m saying it, but you could do this with the as subtle as you damn want,
    who are you to go and judge the will of me, the fucking messenger of GOD?



    Neutrality has an idea, how about you hurry the fuck up, that man’s pretty fast.

    How about you shut the fuck up, time for your dumb ass stance is in the past.


    But here came the silence


    One leg is collapsed under it, a single eye portraying sickening figments,
    that reflected the nightmare that caused its long gone eye and pigments.
    This albino abomination moans in angst, movements stating an ultimatum,
    as it crawled like a damned baby, jaws clamped over the cracked cranium.
    Those bones --- its bones --- mom’s bones --- combined with dad’s skull ---
    his skull --- our skull --- its being desperately dragged through mud puddles.


    The hitchhiker saw it perfectly, with the wobbling beast and all its deformities,
    its troubles and obscene problems a sweet release from the pains of conformity.
    This abomination, gentle Artemis, full of a longing belief and selfless caring,
    Following the correct path, not adhering to the simplistic destruction of Ares…
    For a moment, the torn family skidded to a halt, the father with one twin caught,
    not releasing him, his obviously superior muscles obliterating his will as he fought.

    “Dad, fucking let him go, you crazy psycho, I’m his family more then you’ll ever be.”
    “You ungrateful little bastard, never ever use that damn tone of voice with me!”
    “Let’s go,” the sad sight of a dog barked; “Let him go,” the free twin screeched.
    These abnormalities vanquished by their voices mixing and joining so audibly…
    The dog disappeared back into the forest, dragging behind him his ancestor’s bones,
    the selfless acts appealing to the past that the benevolent gods have shown…

    The choice was made…the twin departed, leaving behind a trail of his tears…
    But give him no pity, because this sinner was stranded and branded for years.

    This boy who left his brother to be kidnapped by his father was a rude soul…
    they were reunited at least…
    at the suicidal twin and kidnapped one’s funeral.

    Last edited by Drunken Waffle; November 14th, 2005 at 06:52 PM
    Topical me.

  2. #2
    Merk Squad Lay Doubt.'s Avatar
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    looks interesting. booked for a later breakdown. i'm busy.

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    I own Tweety/ITawAPuddyKat. We need that rematch to decide who is best.

    <--- Totally Daemon
    Topical me.

  5. #5
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    Upping for more feed.
    Topical me.

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    If you read it, probably reread because the names disturb the flow, but I can't really find individual colors for them because it looks kinda tacky. I'll try.
    Topical me.

  7. #7
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    Gar......
    Topical me.

  8. #8
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    ........
    Topical me.

  9. #9
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    .........
    Topical me.

  10. #10
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    You didn't reply to that first link. Edit in a fresh one please.

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  11. #11
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    Mhm, must've not gone through. Alright, I'll leave feed in it. Router probably went out when I went on it.
    Topical me.

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    ......................
    Topical me.

  13. #13
    Banned Ike Ill.'s Avatar
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    Pretty cool work, my man... Though, I can say you were off topic like 12038721098312 of the time aha.

    Then again, everyone has their poetic beliefs of what a topic is. So, nice job. Your story was interesting, not the kind of thing you can see everyday but you know it still happens somewhere in the world. But, your read was a little different from most, yes, I've seen the style of writing and concepts you grasped to create this, but it is still different from most. You did a good job here.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=249590

    ^ hit it.

  14. #14
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    Well, the topic is kinda broad. It's 1. about the internal conflict of a kid who has his twin kidnapped, and whether he should go with his brother so he's not alone or if he should escape when he can. And the dog fits into the story telling about how even when it's all messed up it's still protecting its family, so it's not off-topic at all. I'll RTF, thanks for leaving feed.
    Topical me.

  15. #15
    p!acid Johnny C.'s Avatar
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    man, I thought this was an amazing example of great vocabulary. However, it was really tough for me to follow the story but even so.... Your style reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe... if he rapped (lol). but it's true. I liked the combination of internal and external rhyming, and... is it just me, or was that in a 3/4 time signature? regardless, i thought this was amazing, like all of Poe's works, but kinda tough to understand. keep it up!

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