Through The Eyes of The Blind

[AbusivE]

All is black, The sound is guiding him through the eternal darkness
Every crack, paints a big picture with the imagination he posseses
Has no choice, but to live in the land of darknes that holds no light
Living off noise, that may guide him to good such as Jesus Christ
The Bible he can 't read, His eye disabilities is badly effecting him
Every noise and every squeek, leads the man in a new direction
He 's growing sorrow, His eyes are filled with black N dark corners
His path is narrow, Light may be the only cure for all of this horror
Hopinggg to create light, and struggling to visualize the sun
That 's through the eyes of the blind...something we can learn from


Another short peice, i might add more to it tomorow but i 'm just trying to start writing again and i 'm lookin for criticism that will help me elevate so be honest with your feed

I 'll have the links posted in a second

[AbusivE]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...08#post2156408
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...26#post2156426

[G-Money]

like the topic something different... it was short that was wat i didnt like i would of liked to see u go farther with it, but maybe tomorrow, vocab and structure was nice all in all nice drop ..... return the favor


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=176171

[AbusivE]

^word, i 'ma probaly add more tomorow or get somone else to drop a verse with it n post it as a collab. dunno, i 'll see what happens. thanks for the feed.

[BeRLin`S BesT]

well this was topic wise kinda nice but it felt like a lot of lines just didn't rhyme...at least to me it did....u tried to use some good vocab which u did but u failed at making the flow smooth...seemed a bit rushed...well solid drop anyway so keep postin pz

[Sensation]

the way that you laid it out with the commas and rhymes it read more like a poem oppose to a rap. But like everyone else has been sayin work on the flow you pretty much have the vocab and topic choices down.

Thanks for the reply on my thread, good lookin out.

[Issue]

Lol at the title... Haven't I seen that line somewhere before?

Anyways, the piece was ok, nothing major, but still nice.

The opener was decent, apart from the commas which I think disrupted it, it had good wordplay and meaning to it.
Imo, you could of done more with the next bar, it had a strong message and I would of likds to of seen you enforce that.

The rest of the piece was pretty neutral, far from great but nowhere near a bad piece.

Overall, 6/10

[Reazon]

This was good..made me think of Ray Charles in Silent Hill 4
very imaginative
imagery was used nicely
tone was good
wordplay good
structure was nice
overall this was a good drop...took me into the eyes of a blind in a scary world with invisible demons..damn that game.....scary shit...but this piece took me on a magic carpet ride to a dark world where i had to depend on noise and different vibrations in sound

[Jay Mel]

This was decent man, the flow was pretty average but i think you could do real raw with some real topics and go real longer...Man keep doing you!~ Very imagitive and had a real nice word play and very nice tone which kept me building up in suspense, i think you would do good in poetry...

[Jay Mel]

By the way, never change for anyone...Unless you feel something is wrong with your piece or project, so keep doing you!

[AbusivE]

word thanks man.. yeah i 'm tryin to get started with writing again, it 's been a few months.. i 'm gonna start doing longer peices soon.. but thanks for the feed

[Na~Ledge]

I hate to sound repetitive but It was kinda short. It had a great topic and I think u did a great job as far as using ur vocab to bring out the imgary in the piece, just thought u left some areas to add to. But it has the potential to ne a very nice drop. Be checkin to see the rest of it.


Return the favor...Check the sig,...Keep elevating