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Thread: Lost

  1. February 18th, 2005, 11:38 PM #1
    Ndustrial Minded
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    Lost

    My Links
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...90#post2088390
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...96#post2088396

    If any of you topical heads read this an want to extend it to make it better or suit your flow go ahead....this is open to feed....suggestions for improvement and extension from any ya'll that want to

    Criminal acts cause you to go insane...
    you run around in circles tryin to avoid any pain
    You constantly hide from the cops to avoid conflict with law
    how you did that is unknown...can't believe you did what you saw

    It was you but in a different frame of mind...your Lost
    in a mental collapse of paranoia with a great...painful cost
    Try to live the rest of your life as lie...or on the downlow
    cause if you go out into the street...your fucked and you know

    Her parents are after you and will eventually track
    with no remorce with what they do...watch your back
    They want to beat you...kick you when your on the ground
    leave you like you left her...an that is never to be found
    Last edited by Ndustrial Minded; February 19th, 2005 at 08:43 AM Reason: Puttin in Links
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  2. February 18th, 2005, 11:59 PM #2
    Jae Hott
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    Thumbs up

    that shit was tight i dont think nothin wrong wit it you can spit
    i really dont care for topical rap but yo shit is hot i give it
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  3. February 19th, 2005, 12:04 AM #3
    Ndustrial Minded
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    thanks man.....i appreciate that shit
    uppin for more feed on this...
    suggestions
    extensions whatever
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  4. February 19th, 2005, 12:13 AM #4
    Foreshadow
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    I thought thatit was a good piece and I think that you have elevated in alot and just stay hard at work and please leave feedback on my piece The Women Window.
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  5. February 19th, 2005, 12:15 AM #5
    Ndustrial Minded
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    no doubt man i'll hit that up right now man......
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  6. February 19th, 2005, 08:43 AM #6
    Ndustrial Minded
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    uppin this
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  7. February 19th, 2005, 09:47 AM #7
    warchild
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    This was a decent short verse, the structure was good the vocab was ok but you need to work on your flow.
    Try and switch it up so it doesnt get boring.
    There was a good message in the rhymes but it was too short i think if you wrote a whole song on this topic it would be dope.

    Return the favour.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172018
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  8. February 19th, 2005, 10:03 AM #8
    Ndustrial Minded
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    alright thanks man
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  9. February 21st, 2005, 08:49 PM #9
    Tha DraGoN
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    tight drop ,structure was good and tha vocab was poppin hot drop hit me bak
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