Reality

[warchild]

If there's a god how come he sends some to their slaughter?
there's people who cant afford to bury their son or their daughter
fuck using big words to boast im just saying the truth
if were all gods children how come some are slaying our troops?
some think were good bad normal or evil hearted
every war thats ever raged thats what people started
the whole worlds a battlefield so bodies pile up
all we ever seem to hear is sorries cries, FUCK
you gotta be a little crazy in this world to survive
life is like a father trying to get over his little girls suicide
almost hopeless, sometimes you gotta sacrafice your soul
all these mcs talk about is that their strapped with ice thats old
why cant they talk about whats really going on?
the mcs who sell the most really aint flowing strong
i should of used my last breath to resurect jesus
so i can ask him if his father is really there to lead us

Many people wanna be something that aint really them
in these senseless times the relentless rhymes i paint barely end
everybody wanna be scarface instead of choosing carlitos way
every chapter of my childhood trauma im gonna eat those days
spit out the remains in raw rhymes over haunting beats
ask yourself do you really live around daunting streets?
now answer truthfully dont be afraid dont be a punk and lie
when was the last time you saw a pregnant women drunk and high?
never probably, but where im from thats a cold fact
i work for a pittance so i dont see dough stack
i live around junkies who are fiending for their next score
oh i forgot theirs a peadophile living next door
REALITY is hard to take and what you just read is mine
me and the people i know function but were dead inside
i cant say nothing even close to fake cause that just aint me
i give my demons brushes cause they got the knowledge to paint me.

This is just 2 verses of just real shit.
The first verse i pretty much my view of the world.
The second verse is my reality and my neighbourhood.

[Ndustrial Minded]

damn man....hot shit
a lot of emotion i felt that a lot
i like the first two lines the best
hot drop man....
nice length...flow......emotion...stucture was alright

[warchild]

Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171961
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171904

[Stuff'd Aminol]

this was a nice drop, it came to be a bit simply put at times but the message and flow were on nicely done for the most part, imagery could have been higher but was still good and I know i sound like a nerd saying this but you should switch up your font cause well for me at least the normal rb font kinda makes things look dull, lol anyway this was a good effort

in return could you hit up one of the links in my sig

[Lil Cap0ne]

this was dope man........i felt you on all this


very nice job. keep up good work

[Jay Walker]

Yo.
This first paragraph had some deep emotion in it. You expressed yourself rather well. Here is a few suggestions. Use more puncuation in your writtens. This will give a better flow for the verse, as long as you use it correctly. Also, try to have more multis in your lines. This will also help your flow, too. I'm not sayin' get crazy with it, just start off with maybe two words that rhyme in a sentence, and go from there. I liked this first paragraph though, because I respected the things said in it, esp. about mainstream rappers, rappin' about bullshit. One last suggestion. After you write something, find a beat that goes with the first sentence. Then try and read your whole piece to the beat...if it fits, it's good. If it doesn't, maybe try to reword the parts that are out of place.

Second verse was alot better. Had a much deeper meaning, read better, and people can relate to it. (Thats what makes a good song/OM.) If people can relate to your shit, they are going to keep reading, and they will feel something from it. My favorite line in this whole spit was in this paragraph...
now answer truthfully dont be afraid dont be a punk and lie
when was the last time you saw a pregnant women drunk and high?
...had the best flow, and that shit is pretty twisted. Good verses over all, but, we can still always use improvement. Get at it kid.

[KrA0nS]

First:
Rolled off your tounge. That's all I can say, you did'nt worry about grammar or anything else that really matters, it was just like you put it down, what was in your head and no matter what it was it just came out hot.

Second:
Spitten on the real world is the way to go, it gives people the insight on what kind of life your livin and how you deal with the shit, weather it be cryptic or not, it's just the way your world works.

Third:
If you ever have time go back and correct some grammar errors and shit, at the heart it's awsome but people will give you way more props if it's better "eye-candy".

[r_deezy]

yo this was tight it was some real shit that you spit about while most people don't take that route no more

[Creepin Disciple]

dat shit waz fuckin dope G, work on da wordin n vocab a lil..........ill give ya props thow fa dat one

[Red_]

yo this was a tight drop homie

simple but got the point across, thets one of the reasoins i think its dope,
it seemed like you type down what came to your mind,anotha reason it was dope,

i was ffeeling the first two lines the most,keep droppping homie and ill keep dropping feedback!!...lol

[warchild]

Appreciate the feed i was hoping this wasnt gonna get slept on.
A couple of people was talking about my flow if u go back and read there aint nothing wrong with the flow just check the syllables my flow is mad nice.
A couple of lines i kept basic espically the last 2 lines of the first and second verse but i had to keep it simple cause it was the only way to get across what i wanted to say, other than that the flow was consistent.

[Deviate]

Good expression... Good emotion... I like it. There seems to be a lot of these "God why is this happening?!" pieces right now but I actually quite like yours. It's pretty raw, says what needs to be said.

I would say maybe a little better vocabulary in this but it's a bit pointless seeing as the vocabulary used suited the topic and how you write clearly. Maybe a little better structure and maybe some punctuation just to make it easy on the eye.

I'm just trying to find something constructive but I can't really think of anything...

Good piece - I liked it.

Peace

[element]

nice flow..good length...i like the last 2 lines of the first paragragh..keep it up..

[warchild]

Appreciate the feed just uppin for some more.

[Ink Thesis]

this was dope, period...

most the lines were crazy... opener was sick... first verse, flow was tight man... imagery could've been upped a bit but this was on some real shit like u said so i felt imagery wasnt really needed... 2nd verse was nice as fuck as well... closer was sick... we should see more of this here in OM coz only a few heads have some nice shit worth looking at..

anyway, real nice man

please hit up Mercury Fitteds in my sig..

peace