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Thread: Our Society, Ft. Pak

  1. #1
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    Our Society, Ft. Pak

    Pak
    Kill that Paki….he represents terror and hate the motherfucker
    Hypocritical statement like black against rap remember Deloris C.Tucker
    Street muck used in cells as police fuck, Hood rats labelled as Hoes
    Lustful masturbators rape them with their eyes off Teen Photos
    Show those, social economics used as an excuse to racially abuse
    Hierarchical cues lead to release of emotions seasoned & stewed
    Men ravaging after gold dust, the old men watch bold men bust
    Bi-sexual would support church against cross gender sex, disgust
    Communities; as hypocrisy holds value for only modern normalities
    I see Mr. Blair burn the Bush who holds the key to UN law formalities
    So when he burns he takes with him Rum’s Field full of putrid stench
    The back bench to this government is a lavatory deposit hence
    We see immune men commune false errors to govern governments
    And we see priests hold private heists with women of the covenants
    Forget your B-boy stance cuffed and tazered on the first chance
    Glance at me & read my book on burnt palms influenced necromance
    Or was it strips weathered off lies & torment, I see a big body stack
    Back to witness attacks, false rights with false fighter never fight back


    Client
    Kill that fag, kill that nigger, and kill that spic
    Kill that towel head, kill that guito, and kill that bitch
    Kill that Jap, kill that chink, and kill that cracker
    But why does race matter if all of our bones shatter
    Greed and lust replace our souls with demon dust
    A tease, a slut; why can’t that bitch just give it up
    Love struck? Nahh, I just needed to bust a nut
    You say rape; I say she danced like she wanted to fuck
    Misconceptions ruin society, the mind designs disguise
    A government disaster turns into the hills have eyes
    We live in lies but some become content with their lives
    Until they realize their demise and become content with suicide
    The president has devised to cause turmoil over foreign skies
    Until terrorist ties are revised and we take over oil supplies
    Back home we’re criminalized for our skin pigment and appearance
    So my incoherence is due to the cop’s committing pass interference
    Before given the chance I’d be blocked before the throw of the pass
    And forget checking my pants, I’m harassed and cuffed at first glance
    But that raises your street cred right, so shit then you put up a fight
    You never seen a gun in your life but were stopped for J walking last night
    But that’s life, and unfortunately it’s starting to get duller than a pencil
    As are economy is chewed up and choked on with George Bush’s pretzel
    Last edited by Client; November 20th, 2006 at 08:21 PM

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    Re: Our Society, Ft. Pak

    Suppity up^.

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    Re: Our Society, Ft. Pak

    Baron -
    good choice of words and multis,imagery was well implyed, baron you took your time to describe every aspect of what you were visualizing,with simple yet very descriptive words and you structure helped feed your verse to me,although like i said your wording could've been better like shorting your structure or make it appear as if it did ,like tricing the mind to belive its smaller than it actually is,ya know but nice verse.

    client -
    diffrent and creative peace one thing that stood out the most was your rhyme scheme and structure,it made your verse flow well and like pak verse your was simple but got the story through,and you didn't go off track you didn't stray from the topic and people tend to do that in collabs ya know.

    both -
    great collab famo,you took an not so original topic but turned it into somthing pretty creative,baron you both have diffrent writting styles witch set this apart from anlot of other peaces,although i got an little tired when reading pak peace not saying it wasn't good it just didn't grasp my attention like he thought it would but client peace complimented his peace and his unique writting style kept me reading and had my eyes feeling an little teary lol. good job.

    Feed
    lol at all this feed i gave i just enjoyed this and thought i give it what it deserves an 7.5 - 8/10 in my book, can y'all do me an favor and vote honestly on this battle with me and Dyl.http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315918

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    Re: Our Society, Ft. Pak

    aight I'll get to it, thanks for the feed my man. upp

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    Re: Our Society, Ft. Pak

    alright

    id say this collab was sucessful in mantaining the same tone very cohesively from one section to the next

    pak
    good original content (and cultural reference) and rhyming, rum's field... didn't really like that one
    main problem- some of the sentences seemed a little too short or with internal flow issues, or transition issues so they could match the scheme

    Kill that Paki….he represents terror and hate the motherfucker
    Hypocritical statement like black against rap remember Deloris C.Tucker
    Street muck used in cells as police fuck, Hood rats labelled as Hoes

    these lines could have been improved with some transitions

    client
    very good flow, and i liked how you used the short angry lines
    you did kindof subside towards the second half though from pure hate to more general problems- it was cool when you were criticizing the government- which falls in line with the title of our society and then racism which is one of societys ills

    when you talked about how life was then dull/and then the economy choking on the presidents pretzel i thought the metaphor didn't really appropiately convey the same feelings or level of feelings as the rest of the piece did- to be fair though it difficult to conclude on a topic like our society

    very solid colab in general with areas that coule be improved upon

    if you could leave some feed on my battle it would be appreciated
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...51#post5304551
    IJL

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    Re: Our Society, Ft. Pak

    Thanks upp

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    Re: Our Society, Ft. Pak

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317284
    ^^
    hit that

    ok this wasa nice piece but i was a bit eerked at the way you guys came at it... you both came with ice writtens mana nd nice multies and metaphors but i just didnt like how you guys made the shit so OBVIOUS ya know... but meh who cares.

    anyway's besides that fact.. the emotion in this was iight you know both were a bit iffy though seriously like paka i never really see him go on and off and same to you client but i just felt both of you werent really intact with each other and shit... the choice of words was good though and vocab was assorted nicely simple wordings complexed meanings and metaphors...cool drop and way to flip shit. the multies though and metaphors really stood out in this piece man seriously...thats what got me the most the metaphorical multies. the emotion was good and the storyline was good topic was played and gully but all in all still you guys manageda good piece not great but good man nice collab!.

  10. #10
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    Re: Our Society, Ft. Pak

    This is an older verse that we both wrote a couple of weeks ago lol...but yeah i'll get that linkage.

  11. #11
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    Re: Our Society, Ft. Pak

    ^^
    real...
    well to me it was like just a freeverse of society rather than really planned out cus both of youw ould have killed the muthafucka if it was really planned line for line or stanza for stanza ya know...

  12. #12
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    Re: Our Society, Ft. Pak

    upp

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