[Untitled]

[Spoken]

Vocal Remedies
Window shards please in a memoir of breathes
Painting itself in an outlined shaping reflection
Tainting on a willowed seal; a vocal caress
Vital to this infidelity between lovers affection
Monologues of tomorrow’s sayings, how may you go?
My name is Robert, may I have yours in return…
Lullaby’s of rose pedaled nurture; arouse this coal
Hoaxed genocides of love; Polaroid to burn
"The Name is Lilly, but you could call me missy
I ‘m not like all them other girls, I am not sissy or prissy.
I am a Libra, Pride with an outspoken heart I keep
Steadily pushing forth the core of earth palettes.
Striving I hold it steady, Brute strength I sweep
Crushing dreams under nightmares with my demonic malice "




Jelly’s puffed in a circle for this glazed…
Mercury splattered emphasis; plateau’s devoured
Planting my toes to enroot with this kiss of space
copilot of this tune; remedies bide seconds to hours
Sands of time regard; discharge this scarlet mess
Slitting wrists and cutting throats; gutting with finesse
Crossed the arrow and put an X, so the clots crossed dressed
Left in the hands of Jesus, While my blood speaks to express
Fancied mirror hallowed tips; contracted with a melody
Speaking of this harmonic demolition; rising of pitch
Pressed play on this classic; ballad to teased remedies
So I sing a song that carries my heart bleeding for a life to live.

"Would You_____ for Love?
A)KILL
B)DIE
C)SACRIFICE"

Checked all the above; I've let my guard down for my life
I Killed myself over you; as i lay dying of your essence my dear
Your eyes trampled my dreams and coagulated sucha device
Of my sacrifice to you; so i lay to rest while you take the wheel and steer.

[Spoken]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317282
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316701

[Constance]

the first time i seen this I thought it was actually kinda nice/dopish na mean,imagery was great because you took your time to describe every scent smell feeling and really got into your character,and i respect that nice drop bruh,your vocab was an bit complex meaning it made me think a bit and your metas were an nice choice not to many wording problems,i especially enjoyed this part.

Would You_____ for Love?
A)KILL
B)DIE
C)SACRIFICE"

Checked all the above; I've let my guard down for my life
I Killed myself over you; as i lay dying of your essence ny dear
Your eyes trampled my dreams and coagulated sucha device
Of my sacrifice to you; so i lay to rest while you take the wheel and steer.

the picture not really sure how that suppose to go with this story but the topic and how you wen't about it was very creative once agin nice drop. Can you rtf honestly on my last battle.

[P. Mortuus]

THis was a good piece here and the vocabulary was more broad thant usual. I liked it but the flow did go patchy at times which was a bit of a problem but overall, i liked how you used the concept. Why you named it untitled i got no idea as you've actually titled the piece lol but yeah...the picture doesn't have a big impact on the piece..i mean i can see that you'v said mercury splattered to talk about the sequins but i still believe that i different picture could have been used if you really wanted to use one. Another, positive note is that you've got much better control over the structure now, visual structure isn't damn important but if used effectively can assist the piece therefore, it's good that your not stretching the lines like you have in the past. Overall, it was a good piece, keep striving and you'll get even better.

[Spoken]

thanks paka and the picture if you read the lines after it steaduly yes it goes withthe mercury splattered but understand ut ill break it down for you

Jelly’s puffed in a circle for this glazed…
Mercury splattered emphasis; plateau’s devoured
^^how she pailed to that color
Planting my toes to enroot with this kiss of space
copilot of this tune; remedies bide seconds to hours
^^the kiss of space. she is dead nothing she can kiss
Sands of time regard; discharge this scarlet mess
Slitting wrists and cutting throats; gutting with finesse
Crossed the arrow and put an X, so the clots crossed dressed
Left in the hands of Jesus, While my blood speaks to express
^^this whole part right here talks about his slit wrists

[Client]

I see you have improved a lot since I've been gone. This was nice man, I really liked the imagery in this. You portrayed the picture very well and really got my attention. The emotion was also a very strong point, I could tell you really were feeling what you were sayin. The flow was a bit awkward at times due to some forced wording but it was steady for the most part. I also like how you incorporated the dialogue into the story. Keep progressing this was a good piece, work on wording and transitions. Overall though good nice read.

[BoyScoutCookies]

I think it's cool as far as poetry goes but this doesnt seem like something pertaining to "rap". Besides that, this joint was descriptive and very vivid. I'm diggin it alot..but real talk, we need to keep it "rap" up in here. ~1~

[Spoken]

^^
lmfao... cus your mindset it stuck on aabb not abab lmfao.... i hate feeders liek this there fuckin blaint factoers that there is really dumb stupidity in the world yes.. DUMB STUPIDITY cus there too stupid for just having said that there dumb so extend the muthafucka...lol DUMB STUPIDITY

[BoyScoutCookies]

^^
lmfao... cus your mindset it stuck on aabb not abab lmfao.... i hate feeders liek this there fuckin blaint factoers that there is really dumb stupidity in the world yes.. DUMB STUPIDITY cus there too stupid for just having said that there dumb so extend the muthafucka...lol DUMB STUPIDITY

let's try it in english this time...

[Spoken]

hahaha^^

blah bump.

[T lite]

Shouldn't this be in the poetry section? But anyways, favorite lines were:

Tainting on a willowed seal; a vocal caress
Vital to this infidelity between lovers affection

Lullaby’s of rose pedaled nurture; arouse this coal
Hoaxed genocides of love; Polaroid to burn

Steadily pushing forth the core of earth palettes.
Striving I hold it steady, Brute strength I sweep
Crushing dreams under nightmares with my demonic malice "

Keep it up!

[Laureate]

This was pretty nice man, i thought your wordchoice could have been a bit mores smoother because it seemed like sometimes you sacrificed coherency for rhyming, the emotion was well done and besides a few lines, the wordchoice and rhyming was nice...imagery could have been added, esecially to a topic like this one...but overall this was nice man, good job

[Spoken]

thanks and i definatley appreciate the feed peeps!.

[Mindful Theories]

Good piece. Nice topic and everything. Just one thing, didn't know how the picture went with the topic. But u had very good vocabulary. U're words flowed with ure topic, i liked the Would You_____ for Love?
A)KILL
B)DIE
C)SACRIFICE"

It was dope. It was real deep. Didn't know u we're a text head tho.
Looking forward to seeing more pieces from u..=D

[Spoken]

word man thanks.

and the picture if you really read and understand what im saying you would see the pic blend well with the next stanza thats right after the picture