Another Passing Night

**Lauren.** · July 20th, 2006, 05:09 PM

What happened?

Storing unshed tears of regret in the bursting levies of my eyes
I envision the final hours elapsed, standing fearful, hypnotized
As I realize the gruesome condition of my own bodily mortality
Sorting witnessed truth from fiction I perceive reality

Typical country night resounded from the deep sky pierced with starlight
Me plagued with occupied mentality amidst the calm of dark night
Caressed the wheel with recessed sorrow as the trees echoed the despair
Over shredded souls, those once enamored, demolished beyond repair
Wind howling in my misery, antagonize the engine till it screams
Each mile a twisted wizardry that dissapates dysfunctioned dreams
Morphing heartache into piercing speed that drowns all sense of reason
Dwarfing tragedy to a duller pang throughout this roadway treason
Stranded in a void of naught but ensnaring dust and screeching rubber
No single nerve was reserved to notice the impact when my fender reached another
Crushing pain, jolting rebound, swirling lights, fighting death with sincere resistance
Bones breaching gates of bloody flesh, then the closing glimpse of my existance

"Dear God, I'm only seventeen
Allow me one more try
It was your time to die

One more breath of life
You wanted an end to strife

I'll make it worth it
Don't leave me here to die...Please"

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...79#post4736679
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301987

**Lauren.** · July 21st, 2006, 01:04 AM

upping for feed

**P. Mortuus** · July 21st, 2006, 10:44 AM

This was good i liked it...though short it failed to build up too much atmosphere i liked the use of vocabs in part and the flow was helped a lot by the wording. It was an enjoyable read and a good write up for someone emerging from a writers block. TEchnically, you can use a lil more metaphors and maybe make your structure a lil bit better. Meaning the actual form goes a lil bit messed because of a line or two that were too long. But other than taht, this was an enjoyable read. Stay up.