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Thread: The Case of the Missing Murderer

  1. #1
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    The Case of the Missing Murderer

    Written Voices Collabertions- Crost Over, El Gallo Negro, Pakaveli & Ta2 Tears ( In order)

    The Case of the Missing Murderer


    The Yearning Victim

    Vast amounts of sorrow, reaching into tomorrow
    never are the same, my blood the street shall borrow.
    Close friends morn the outcome of a psycho,
    he didn't realize the depth of his steel eyes,
    sought to cut mortals, my flesh, the steel dives
    burrowing a home, another serial clone catastrophe
    situations that lacks certainty, a swift death certainly
    on my own accord, I calmly ask myself "why me lord?"
    what a sick individual, his motives seem whimsical
    not even time for a condition that’s critical
    death entered quickly, towering over my brethrens,
    emotionless as my soul ascends into the heavens
    although my body shall miss the closest to my heart,
    the killer did me a favour, my eternal life shall start
    for my lord and my soul now shall never part


    “Let me pick your body and grind your bones”

    Demented soul, fuelled by rage, bent on taking life away, and pain he was to lay
    Malicious thoughts ran through his head of the blood that would be spilt that day
    Maybe he'll slit his throat or apply a choke either way he knew he couldn't fight it
    But and abrupt death no, to see a person’s final breaths is what really got him excited
    So his plan went action
    He savoured the moment this would be a special one like his other trends, for this friend
    So first he removed the skin off his face with a blunt knife, he begged for his life his life to end
    The killer found great satisfaction in his work to see one like this to die
    He was so aroused he bathed in his blooded
    Till he noticed a fear in the mans eyes so he removed them for his prize
    He went back decimating his body until he finally thought that his work was done
    The man already dead is wandered through the underworld blind deaf and dumb

    “I witnessed my friends ultimate demise”

    The lead that lead to the piercing death that pierced the machine of breath
    Showed no remorse as it strangled and made his breath go hoarse rasping
    Clasping onto the penultimate pockets of air that vanished to bring his death
    The fluid motion became rigid to a point that rigor mortis placated the gasping
    He was always on top of them now he died of a lack of oxygen, the Jewellery
    Was the main point of life for the man that chose the way of the knife, his life
    Washed away at the boats that entered the domain of Hades, the foolery
    My Comrade was such that as much as he tried he never managed to exit the strife
    Strife is the wife of fate, fate as such that bred and breeds only hate and distaste
    I remember you clearly as clearly as the nearly claimed victory of damned success
    Up in the clouds I behest that with the rest you rest the soul that craved to be the best


    “I shall complete the jigsaw and convict the killer”

    The bright yellow tape clashes with flickering flashes of police lights
    Mashed and combined with the searching sirens screaming for the tyrant
    Her heart, a burning passion as it fell to the ashes, t'was anything but a peaceful sight
    To see the cry's of a mother whose son had been stolen by a modern pirate
    And as the night grew cold as the killer's heart, I stumbled round graceless
    My insomnia leaves me restless, nightmares of the scene leave me troubled
    As I gazed at the photos of the victim, all tattered and battered, faceless
    And the tiny clues that the crew hand found, just trying to piece the puzzle
    This entire case depended on me, and I intended to see this criminal apprehended
    But as I pondered, something wandered behind me, and a knife was embedded
    In my back, and as my muscles relaxed, that night, for me too, my life had ended


    "A Case that was later closed on accounts of not enough evidence"

  2. #2
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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  3. #3
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Congratulations on our first WV colab together...*Claps*
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  4. #4
    I got fire! Rah Gwahn's Avatar
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    Congratulations guys.

    I'm not one to post feed on topicals anymore, so i wont get into much of a habit - but great work on organising it all.

    I enjoyed all verses, but Pakaveli your verse i enjoyed reading the most. It must be the UK vibe going on, i don't know - it just flowed to read it well.

    Great portrayal from all of you, amazing pictures were painted in this piece - well done.

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    [Po'Ethics][Written Voices]

  5. #5
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    preciated...and you know how it goes in the UK lol
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    TNL

  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Suppity up
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  7. #7
    Is a ninja Lauren.'s Avatar
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    alright dope piece, I'll break my feed down person by person

    Crost Over-
    At first glance your part seemed simple, but the flow, rhyming, and imagery made it complex yet understandable which is a valuable tool to posess as a writer. Your vocab was alright, but it fit the piece well.


    El Gallo Negro-
    Great imagery, good vocab, the emotion was there, and the internal rhyming helped with all of that. Good work expressing the mind of a killer in a non-played way. Overall good piece

    Pakaveli-
    Amazing vocab, perfect flow, good metaphors and imagery. The rhyme scheme worked out actually, and overall you had a very dope drop

    Ta2 Tears-
    You had good vocabulary, some great alliteration, good imagery, and plenty of emotion. I like the twist at the end too, and the flow stayed together throughout.

    Once again good job to all

  8. #8
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Thanks it's appreciated.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
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  9. #9
    Crost-You have very nice imagery, somewhat complext but simple at the same time. i enjoyed your rhythm and flow very much it was very smooth and all. your vocab was decent but could be upped alot more, and your emotion was good aswell

    El-decent vocab better the crost, and your words dont seem forced at any point. your imagery was your best aspect of your piece here the emotion wasnt that good. nice job on the way your expressed your view of the topic.

    Pakaveli-Excelent flow. i mean every aspect of your flow threwout your short verse was on point. your vocab was great, your words wernt forced and you didnt try over using the vocab.

    Ta2- Your imagery was good along with your emotion which stood out more then any of your other areas. your vocab was okay could have been upped aswell and the ending was good, i liked the twist.

    All in all i would say this was a good collab with all of you.. and just to let you guys know, Its not the first collab to come from WV the first was actually me and KT i think i was either Sin's Here or Blaque at that time. But i am glad to see that wv is doing good and still around and writing. good job for hte most part some of you can up your vocab, but other then that you guys are doing fine.

  10. #10
    Would appriciate it if you could drop feedback on any of the links in my sig. would be much appriciated.

  11. #11
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Precaiate the comments and i see what you mean...this was the 1st colab since the leaders changed hands...but yeah i really appreciate the pointers that you gave and will surely check out your piece...aight thanks, stay up.
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  12. #12
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Upptiy^
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    TNL

  13. #13
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Last uppin for the day....
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  14. #14
    Soule
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    Great job guys

    Ok.

    CO': Great wordplay man. I liked it alot. The flow was great and the story you brought out was nice. 9-10

    Green Ranger: Nice wordplay was well and your flow matched up with CO's. Keep it up. 9-10

    PaK: Wonderfull wordplay man and your flow matched theirs through my oppionion. 10-10

    Ta2: Wordplay was perfected and the flow was wonderfull. Keep writing man. 10-10

    Ok with this being a collab I am not to good at leaving perfect feed so please enjoy what I give you . All for your tyour flow was matched. And you all had your great stories. I felt that this was a great OM. And I will nomintae this peice . Not promising any thing though. But...10-10 Keep writing gentlemen.

    ~LeX

    P'S:

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=302254
    Return the favor please.

  15. #15
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    WEll i preciate your comments and i'll check the linkage no doubt.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

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