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Thread: 2 Days Early

  1. #1
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    2 Days Early


    2 Days Early


    The consequences of hurrying a creation

    The infested inhabitants lurched at tit bits of informal information
    The pedantic placation sued who grew the strew called population
    The mother’s nature that nurtured the children forlornly grew weary
    When offspring pierced her eyes and mocked her when she grew teary
    The child gleefully repaid her with chainsaws and swayed to claim for
    Their demands to be met and cut her legs for store to store more lore
    First she was sold in plots so poignant plotters could plan and plot
    To build on her scathed remains they laughed and claimed rhapsody
    The worse it got was the more they shot, chasms made to show the blot
    They stopped the claims but pointed to shame and alas began the parody

    A failed teaching

    The action of the parent who wasn’t fervent to display their rare reaction
    Sent only weathered warnings to stop the forming of artificial spawning
    But still the tube grew to grow seeds into the mass and form a faction
    Test tube seeds hailed science mocked the natural alliance every morning
    The mother was long forgotten now converted to roads and street nooks
    Vandalised by intoxicated bastards who wet the lapels of the mothers corpse
    Brash parlours built on religious bearings were home to home lustful crooks
    Who were ravaged by audacious and obese alike, oh how the child warps

    The Present Scenario

    The land as now known was once the mother, the mother who was fractured
    Therefore, the baby now old pointed at the mother it had willingly captured
    Maybe the baby never understood the natural lady that carried her ashore
    When you are told to clean litter tell me have you ever remembered before

    Epilogue

    The burly impostor you idolise is the ideal painting of a child grown surly
    See the spoil and accept God made this world …………..2 days too early


    Dedicated to Written Voices.

  2. #2
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  3. #3
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    ^..........
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  4. #4
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    ^Uppin.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  5. #5
    Is a ninja Lauren.'s Avatar
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    Wow...this is one of the best reads I've seen in a while. It was complex, but not too complex because I understood the whole thing. Flow was perfect for the piece, structure worked well, your vocab was amazing, and the emotion was intense throughout. I haven't seen many on this topic, but you did a great job of expressing it. No part stood out because it was all dope. Good job on this

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Hey...wasnt this in ur battle with ACES...
    The Rise And Fall Will Be My Death
    So As I Gasp For My Last Breath
    Put the Gage To My Chest
    i Gulp a Heep of Salayva In Distess
    Sound Of The Gun Cocked Wat's Next
    *Bang*
    Bullet Incarnates His Soul
    Burinin His Skin His Heart Turned Cold
    Dead In a Matter of Secounds
    MIND AND THE PEN
    Is the Greatest Weapon
    So Dont Use Gunz or Knives
    Do it If u Dont wanna Live a Life

    Made By Me

  7. #7
     
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    THIS WAS A GOOD DROP...NICE AND CREATIVE..DEEP THOUGHTs..i enjoved the vocab and the flow..keep this up..nicce mettas and multies also..i really enjoyed this drop...



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  8. #8
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Black Ninja
    Hey...wasnt this in ur battle with ACES...

    Yeah i won that battle and you had forgot to poll your vote lol....But yeah i preciate all the comments, thanks and i'll hit up your pieces as soon as possible.

  9. #9
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Uppity.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  10. #10
    this was a nice piece overall. it flowed real well, and the imagry was nice, and the vocabulary makes this piece have a good concept....keep writing fams

  11. #11
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Thanks it's preciated.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

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