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Thread: ~Society~

  1. May 4th, 2006, 03:50 PM #1
    xPunisheRx
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    ~Society~

    I ledge a settlement- of affilliation
    An agreement that hit- the whole nation
    It took it's time- of investigation
    But for all the waiting- I stayed patient
    In the making- minds stayed shaking
    breaking barriers- government issues
    Law and order corrupt- politicians hating
    Tax dues went up- war broke loose
    People lost hope of the- societys truth
    Youth capsized- forensic went override
    Humanity lost pride- and pushed law aside
    Eyes open wide- bank rolls manified
    Guilty as charged- sentenced- cresified
    All I could sence- was pain and agony
    Hospitals failed- it became a tradgoy
    It had to be- casulty- people an insanity
    Casually- walking streets- beefing meat
    People decessed- the heat- felt defeat
    Voloence took over how we meet an greet
    Hear the truth an how it keeps you in your seat


    Links;-
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290140
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290131

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    My tongue tackled many men with my skill
    Who'd of thought my tongue was ready to kill
    You better lay still- its hunting a meal
    Leaving bodys in ice rack its it nature to chill
    Leaving you top E "so maybe" ya'l die by ta pill
    So many victums the piles got as big as a hill
    ...Punisher...
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  2. May 4th, 2006, 04:25 PM #2
    Wireless
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    This was real...meh..

    The structure was interesting, seemed thought out, but it's not just about structure...it's also about what is in the structure...first off, I spotted some spelling mistakes...next time try running your verse through Microsoft word or something..

    You had a decent topic, but I've seen been pulled off more smoothly...you had a good flow, although it was somewhat choppy..you're rhyme scheme was ok, but I'd suggest working on more internals..

    It started out well, but it seemed as if you got lazy towards the end...

    stay consistent.

    it was ok, I see potential....

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.
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  3. May 4th, 2006, 04:40 PM #3
    BKPANTHA POET
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    Like Ur Flow But It Was A Lil Choppy........i Was Diggin Ur Style Tho..try To Work On Ur Structure And U'l Pull It Of Homie.....i Def See Potential In U Yo

    Holla Back Fam
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  4. May 4th, 2006, 05:08 PM #4
    xPunisheRx
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    Thanx yo ... yeah maybe more time should have been spent on it
    But the audio may come across diffrent once I have recored it safe

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    My tongue tackled many men with my skill
    Who'd of thought my tongue was ready to kill
    You better lay still- its hunting a meal
    Leaving bodys in ice rack its it nature to chill
    Leaving you top E "so maybe" ya'l die by ta pill
    So many victums the piles got as big as a hill
    ...Punisher...
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
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