The Price You Pay

[-Mindscribe-]

The Price You Pay


There Was A Kid, Richard Hunter,
Who Lived In The Suburbs/
And There Was Nothing Wrong With This,
He Was Rich By The Hundreds/
Took Trips In The Summer With His Mother,
Father And Little Brother/
And Had A Girl Named Summer, Whom He Told Every Day
He Missed And Loved Her/
But One Day He Discovered A Tape Of Some Gangsta Rappin/
And Unknowingly Created A Fate
When He Started Changin His Actions/
Due To His Impressionistic Mind, His Attitude Began Actin Rude/
And If He Saw You Were Weak And Soft
He Began Snappin At You/
Harrasin Dudes And Slappin Fools,
But Not The Real Thugs/
Because The Actor Knew If He Tried Shit With Them,
He Was Fucked/
Started Smokin Weed And Drunk,
Thinkin That He Was Tough/
And One Day A Thug Stepped To Him,
But He Took A Seat, Punked/
Infuriated At Himself For Not Carrying
Out What The Rappers Said,/
Rich Grabbed A Blade And Said To Himself,
"Whoever Steps Next Is Gettin Stabbed In The Head!"/
So Infatuated With What The Rap Was Sayin,
He Dreamed He Was Thuggin/
Could Not Even Begin Knowing
He Was Sewing The Seeds Of Destruction/


So If You Listen To Rap And Decide You Like What They Say/
Try To Bang And Be In The World Where You Fight To Stay/
We HAVE To Live With Pain, But If You Don't Live Your Life That Way/
You Better Decide If You Like Death, Because That Is The Price You Pay/


Soon On A Chilly Winter Night, Rich Was
Drunk At A Party/
Off 151 Bacardi And In His Lungs Was The Marley/
And He Saw The Man Who Had Punked Him Before/
In A Drunk Stupor, His False Confidence Spoke For Him-
"I Bet This Nigga Can't Punk Me No More!"/
"Nigga?" Said The Man. "We Can Take This Outside!/
Just For Sprayin What He Sayin I'm Straight Up Bangin This Guy!"/
Rich Opened His Knife And Started Stabbin His Heart/
But Then Saw The Reality Of What He Dared,
Got Scared, Stopped And Ran To His Car/
Rich Sped Off Crying, Thought The Man Was Dying
But Didn't Know He Survived/
Revenge On His Mind, The Man Went And
Gripped A Hold Of The Nine/
Soon He Had Found Rich's Home And Broke In,
Sprayed His Baby Brother/
Shot His Father, Made Him Watch As He
Raped And Slayed His Mother/
Rich Had Tears In His Eyes, And
Though He Feared He Would Die/
He Knew If He Somehow Survive
He Would Commit Suicide/
But The Man Put The Heat To The Pussy
Like A Vaginal Infection/
And Rich Died Cryin, As The Man
Spilt His Mind With The Weapon/


So If You Listen To Rap And Decide You Like What They Say/
Try To Bang And Be In The World Where You Fight To Stay/
We HAVE To Live With Pain, But If You Don't Live Your Life That Way/
You Better Decide If You Like Death, Because That Is The Price You Pay/


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205329
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=207108

[Madik]

Damn, nice storytelling dawg...i really like it.

Metaphors-Good, not all there, but alright
Storytelling-There and A permanent asset [amazing]
Flows-was perfect
Rhyming-Was not much, but still above average

Overall it think this was a good piece with a good chorus and concept, as well as message. Return the favor dawg

[Johnny 6-feet]

a decent topic and a good pace in your storytelling. your vocab could do with some work but you had flow and a few multi's which kept me reading, the imagery was solid enough to help me picture the story as well. a nice little piece but i think the hook could've been a lot better. increase the complexity of your rhymes and you'll be on your way.

keep posting.

[-Mindscribe-]

I have compexity and a fat ass vocabulary. I just feel that in storytelling I want the picture to be clear as possible and not visually jarring to stupid mothafuckas. Different aspects of rhyme are for different styles. I'll use complexity and more punchlines when I battle.

[-Mindscribe-]

aint my best story but still uppin.

[CaseClosed]

Hey yo that was hot the whole concept of niggas who fake like they some g's and they don't know what we go through. It's a daily struggle and they walk around tryna make a fashion statement. Whatever nigga. Anyway, mindscribe I like it and I think u should keep it up. Maybe you could check out these battles and lemme know how u feel. Even tho u can't vote.

[-Mindscribe-]

hell yeah, i knew there was a real nigga around here who knew what i was speakin on...seems like rap is the latest new fad and everyone wants to be cool. This is a warning to all those out there who think they can be like that. Everyone want to be a nigga but they don't want to be a nigga.

[Omni]

ur concept was pretty dope...very simplistic set up, but it fit with wat u were doing. hook is pretty basic...not really feeling it all that much. Dialogue with the characters is subpar....u could have found something better instead of jus saying "punked". second verse gets pretty dope.
return the favor and peep a quick verse i did
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...443post2659443