The Truth of Hip-Hop

[B.A.D.]

times are changin, mc's rhymes rearrangin,
strange to see us all follow after the same thing,
idolizing hoes and AK shots at shootin ranges
we're tangled, time for hip-hop to make some changes
each day you see young'n's tryna be a rap star,
wearing rags, saggin pants, knowin where gats are,
and that star talks about stabbin someone for their wife,
so the kid goes out hatin some guy and takes his life
so now the kids a juve, a hated n wanted felon,
commitin crimes doing what his rap star's tellin
as the kids runnin through states with cops after his ass
"should i turn myself in or see how long i could last?"
little did he know the man he murdered was wanted too
same story as him, he just didnt make his way through
its pitiful the way people try to take this shit literally
rappers usually dont mean it when they spit about killin-a-g
but its a thriller to hear these street dreams in our ears,
tattooed tears, with death and fear lookin in a mirror
someday we'll find out why this is what we try to promote
so make note--this been the truest shit i've EVER wrote

links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=203353

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...76#post2581976

[Living End]

thats some deep shit, and i reckon that your final line is the truest of the whole spit. i thought the way you worked your words was clever throughout the start and finish. it diminished a little throughout the middle but was worth it to get your message across, especially as you picked it up strongest at the end right before the powerful final line

[EyeBite]

at the ending thats a c-murder line there.. so im not really sure if you wrote this but o well... your fault of it's c-murder's or sum other rappers lyrics.
anywayz.. this was really good..... this is the truest shit i've heard.... rap stars do influence younger kids to do bad things like kill and shit....the shit you wrote about is possible to come true and i think maybe it has happened... great job.. liked the rhymes and multies and enjoyed reading this so much..(this is almost one of my favorites.. more improvment then i woulkd be on my fav. list) keep it up 8.5/10 have a good day

[Sir.Joe Penn]

Jea,Werd Up,This Rap Shit Has Kids Viewin It That Certain Way,Where If YOu Go Out Onto The Streets And Take A Hit,Or Blast At Someone,Its Cool,But It Aint,And Its True,Like Fifty Said Raps A Lie,See When I Rap I Say I'll Murder You,Or Disable You,Buts Its I'll,Not I've,If It Comes up To A Point Where I Have to Do It I'll DO It,But Anyway Nice Piece,Keep It Up

[B.A.D.]

Aye Skribble do you know what song by C-Murder?i wanna hear that song n see the relation, thanks for the feedback ppl

[CrazyCarl]

The verse's strength was in the message. Your structure was fine, but the lines were long enough to do more with rhyming. You picked a topic that you seem comfortable with. I would have liked to see more outer multis. The rhyme scheme like the closing couplet showed promise if you would have stuck with something similar to that throghout.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=200068

[E Tha Real]

so now the kids a juve, a hated n wanted felon,
commitin crimes doing what his rap star's tellin
^sad but true.

but its a thriller to hear these street dreams in our ears,
tattooed tears, with death and fear lookin in a mirror
^very well done.

This is a very powerful topic still in today's society
people don't recognize how influential music is to
children and even adults for that matter...
the rhyme scheme could've had more multi's, but
not at the expense of the content of course.
To be honest I thought the ending was kind of horrible
just because I've seen it done on so many generic
freestyles.

1-2

[EyeBite]

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/c-murder/...uest-shit.html
read these lyrics and see the relation.. im not sayin you copied C-murder,but it sounded similar... i guess you and him have good minds of thinkin good rap lyics..

[The Exodus]

hey man this was some good, deep shit. it coulda been a little bit better, but overall this was a pretty good verse. your imagery was pretty good and i was feelin the vocab and everything was good. the one thing you could work on..is struture a little bit, which doesnt matter ad much. keep it up homie

[Sincere447]

hey watup man, this was nice deep shit. I agree with The Exodus on how the structure could have been better and the vocab and imagery was good so keep droppin the verses cuz i wanna hear some more from you.

[B.A.D.]

thanks for more feedback, uppin for more, oh n thanks for the link skribble

[Trema]

Some deep vocab used here sum wat dope has to be mentioned. Reading this piece i can tell you have potentiol to better yo rhymes and become dope, dnt try so hard TO MAKE SHIT RHYME=makes yo lines too long and it just sounds a drag to read. Try to express how you feel or the topic by using different set of vocab for different sets in the piece! Keep writing dawg,

["The Prophecy"]

good topic to write about...like everyone else said this shit was deep. good flow but it seemed like some of your rhymes were forced. its hot cuz all that shit is true in this world today...pretty good overal..keep it up pce

[TreaZoN]

this piece was aiight but i think your rhyme scheme and vocab was too simple....it needed more complexity and more multis..your structure was average...i need you to start to stray away from tha gangsta rap thing and lean more towards a hip hop/poetic feel..more hip hop though..all in all it has potential but needs some elevation...keep droppin and elevatin.~1~

[DJRizzle]

the structure flow and scheme were very nasty bro but the vocab cudda been betta for the last line corny u cuda put sumtin up there straight up murderin this verse but o well kjeep writin and developing