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Last edited by Illus'; November 23rd, 2008 at 02:49 PM
It's not that long...
Nice piece... I liked the conversation style you used here, worked well with the storyline. You wrote consistantly well and showed great skill in doing so. You are clearly confident with your writing style - which is good - made the piece more powerful and meaningful in a way. Some points felt slightly simplistic, however, that is expected when writing as if in conversation. This topic could've been used in many different ways, however, this particular concept was very creative and clever. The imagery you used in conjunction with your vocabulary gave a detailed view of the situation, something that isn't easy to do.
I really enjoyed this, you should drop some more work in here, I'd like to see more. Luckily your match is still happening in SS, so my piece has gone to waste. If you could check it out though, "The Mother I Never Knew"... Links in my sig.
Peace
Po'Ethics Lives
yeah its not really that long, i was feelin this peice aswell as dev the story line went well with the conversation concept you had going here, nice job.
I also think you did a nice job with the creayitivity, and vocabs..
i was realling feelin this, i aint red much fro you bio, but this will definitly get me more glued to reading your stuff, good looks man
1
Thanks to both much appreciated...
when I get a chance I will read your
other peace Deviate..
peace.
Up...
You had a creative story for the topic, thought out pretty well. The name faith allowed for the use of the wordplay on the name. The dialogue helped to add emotion, and the breaks at the end for the narrator worked to move the story along. You were descriptive, especially with the chains, and the action in the second half. The piece was structured well, and the transition between speakers was smooth.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=194115
This was ja deep man, continue doing ya thing, we need to continue creativity just like yours.
Edit: I just read that I can't leave shitty feedback, so I gotta write a short piece on how I felt about this joint.
The 1st thing I thought, was that it hits home, its something thats not too far from reality at all, so alotta cats can feel you on this. You seem to be good at painting pictures w/ ya words, an attribute alotta niggaz cant seem to catch on to. Bottom line, I feel it...keep doin' ya thing like you know how, fam.
Last edited by Da'Light; May 25th, 2005 at 10:53 PM
Appreciate the good feed back thanks.
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