White Flag- (SS Piece)

[Jawn Raw]

thanks a lot.

uppin

[Illus']

Yeah you know I read this already lol...
Like I said before nice drop but at some
parts I was just confused.. Use better wording.
I liked your structure nice flow use more multies
to keep that steady good consistant flow which
helps bring in more intrest for a reader. As an SS
open mic it's pretty good. Just work on the things
I told you to work on. This piece does have potential.
You just need to focus on those points and you will
do really good.

[Jawn Raw]

thanks a lot man.

um do you think internal mutliples would be better?

[aSap iLL]

This is a very long peice.. it was very good though ,worth my time..
This peice had lots of imagery , and really made the reader
Imagine what was happening in your drop.. Structure was on point..
made it easy for the reader to grasp the concept and easy to read..
Nice emotions , i was really feelin it...You had nice meta's and good wordplay and vocab , .overal this was a very good drop.. nice job.. keep it up

[Jawn Raw]

thanks a lot man. uppin

[Jawn Raw]

yo uppin...

[Jawn Raw]

uppin....

[Da Grinda]

I like this piece, as everyone else says it was long, but I think that made me like it more, like u put a lot of work into it. I liked the wordplay and the vocab. The points come across clearly, and I like it, not much more to say.

[Jawn Raw]

thanks a lot.

uppin

[Jawn Raw]

uppin......

[Thirteen Cancers]

wow a really long read.....a very cool concept too....i like the whole thing but sum parts stand out more than most.....good wordplay through out the full project.....nice structure throught out......umm.. overall it was very appealig but a very long read...but it was a very good read.....i like it all......keep it coming....Stay up..

[|Potent|]

the structure was pretty much perferct in terms for the lay-out of the text which doesn't rank highly on the make up of a verse; as you probably know, still though- it was there and sorted. The progression of the story was more complex than most, which made it an interesting read. Big time. That alone makes this dope but also your talent in encapsulating the readers respect for you with such metaphors as 'just because he wanted to earn Metals' a paradox perhaps since the value of money is juxtaposed here? I've respect for you from reading this, i'm sure i would remember one of your alias's you had a year ago, since you seem distinctly memorable but i shan't put my neck out and suggest some names. Great piece, i'm sure it done very well in the league. Keep writing quality bud.

[Jawn Raw]

i havent even been writing a year yet.

so you think im someone im not.

but anyway thanks a lot for the props

uppin

[Jawn Raw]

uppin.....

[Jawn Raw]

uppin......