The Excrushiating Journey

[Judge Judy]

The Excrushiating Journey
The Story of the Holocaust

A Breezy morning, I tremble, as I hear a Deep Voice Calling
Hitler is Chargingly Marching,I Weep as The Heart Is Stalling
Neigbors and Friends Fallen, I Grab a few Valubles and Run
But ive forgotten something?...Ive Yet to see my Baby Son
Ranting a Stun, My Child is Missing!. But I Got to Leave!
I Slightly Glance outside, And I See my Son with a Nazi Chief
The Nazi Soldier Holds my Son, And Forcefully Grabs his Chest
State Arrest, Tears My Son in Two and throws it with the Rest
Dazed and Depressed, I Collapse on My Knees and Ask Jesus
They Don’t See This, Im Begging For Safety, I’m Past Pleases
What’s the Reasons? Jews are Deleted, Which Causes Disruption
With Interruption, I Walk Silent and Hear a Pause'n Eruption
Corruption, Death and Tarnish of Others, Nothing I Fear More
Silent Hits Floor, Full of Corps and Gore I Track to a Near Store
I Explore, And Find a Lonely Room with A Brush And Broom
I Assume A Janitors Closet, With a Stench of a Rotten Fume
I Consume a Breath, And Slightly Look towards the Corner
And see a Jew Slaughtered, Why?...Because of a Foreigner?
Torn apart, I Sneak straight, But a Slight mistake is Critical
Nazi soldier Confines My Life, I Shake, Useless and Pitiful
Cynical, Thrown and Condoned on a Barrow in a lonely Road
Mind Explodes, A Permanent fast Life, Is now Only Slowed
Unknown Code, I Remain in a train, Full with Diseased Stains
Rant and Raves, a Poisonous Chain cause the Seized Veins
Desert Plains, I Step out and Notice my friend, Hallie Fitch
Tattered and Twitched, I’m cold and Sold as I Confront Alswitchz
Sicken this, Enter and Panic, Static and Shocked, It’s Ecstatic
Faintly Dramatic, staring at Soldiers Part Souls as tearing Apparatus
Tensions Automatic, Death occurs instant, Both Adults and Infants
Feet to Inches, I’ve Never Witnessed Such Dismiss, Since This
A Death Wish, Visions of infected incisions, Guard Collisions
Chamber Divisions, All the Terror caused by Ones Decisions
Reminiscing, Thinking Back on my Family, the Power Lacks
Fact Attack, my mind is a train, and I’m slipping off the Tracks
Nerves snap, from a far I stare at the U.S, In Glaring Planes
Invade domains, Fear of Not being Saved Is Scaring Pains
Erupting complains, a Soldier searches and now he finds me
I cry and see, We board the plane, to take off and fly Free
Look over the Debris, Collapsed walls and Deceased Jews
A fine cruise, Happiness is overwhelming, Released Abuse
Town views, I arrive at my hometown, Full of silent Sound
No ones around, And the Corps covered the Black Ground
I break down, Soon Stand up and Walk to my lonely home
No more Concern, I Blow a Kiss to the Sky, I’m Free to Roam

[Judge Judy]

1.http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=191138
2.http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...92#post2387092

[Deviate]

You know how I feel about this piece already... But just for others, this was a very good piece. The first thing that struck me reading this was the assonance and internal rhyming, you maintained your rhyme scheme like that through the majority of the piece which isn't necessarily an easy thing to do. Imagery was good and there was a lot of emotion which was good. It was a good concept, you write well around this Nazism and WWII stuff...

Keep it up... If you could check out "Puppy Love" I'd appreciate it.

Peace

[u n r e a L]

Very good peice, the rhyme scheme was excellent throughout. A tip I rather add is to add a more in-depth feel to your peice, because I felt sometimes it was rather a bit too straightforwrad, but nevertheless, a great peice.

[.Word.]

Overall Pretty Dope Peice.

Reason: You Had Good Creativity And Flow, And The Flow In THe Beggining Makes Me Want To Read More, Then i Started Getting More Into With Bigger Vocab More Creativity Good Stucture GOod Flow. YOu Can Defenitly Improve On SOme Stuff But On This Peice You Cant Improve THat Much More Cause It Was A Pretty Dope Verse.

Overall I Liked This And I Always Like Reading Your Text battle, Topicals, And Open Mics, For The Reasons Above Your Dope Kid.

Keep It Up.

Ya Herd !!

[Judge Judy]

uppin.......

[Jay Mel]

The structure in this was amazing , i was able to keep up in every aspect.....Also, i felt the emotion outside of the damn paragraph before i even came in and it had nice imaginary which i could feel almost.....This was a real nice drop, you should add this to your classic list

[Judge Judy]

Uppin....

[Awh.Chew]

Very Well Designed Peice, I Would Break It Down Bar For Bar But Its To Long And Id Say The Same Thing For Them All. Everything It Contains Is Sick. This Is A Great Piece. 25 To Life Runs To The Shadows When Put Up Against This Piece, SICK, Lets Collab!.

[Taeisbeast.]

Very good. Nice imagery and the concept was well planned out. Nice wording and the syllables was good. Stanza's were well too. Gj.

[~nrgetik]

Very VERY nice piece dude.

A Death Wish, Visions of infected incisions, Guard Collisions
Chamber Divisions, All the Terror caused by Ones Decisions

Loved That Line. It's really creative and original and you have a real nice rhyme scheme. Loved The End Too. Keep up the good work dude pz.

[Judge Judy]

Uppin....

[Jawn Raw]

nice stucture and nice flow i think you could use multiples cause you dont use them i also thought you could use soem better vocabulary but you did have a good imagery which held it all together. you gettin good wit ya topicals. ima be lookin out for you.

rtf in mine Puppy Love

[Trojan]

it was cool i was feelin the flow

[CrazyCarl]

I liked this. There were several things that were noticeable in the piece that stood out, and brought up the quality. The scheme you used worked, especially keeping with it as you did; this goes along with the assonance that kept it alive. You used alliteration at points, enough to notice, but not have it be a focal point, which was good. The description was nice, I thought there could have been better word choice in the beginning when setting up the story, but the second half built on the image created. The topic was good, and you seem familiar with the actions, so it allowed you to enter yourself into the story.
Thanks for checking out my piece.