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Thread: Life Through the Eyes of a Serial Killer (OM)

  1. #1
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    Life Through the Eyes of a Serial Killer (OM)

    Life Through the Eyes of a Serial Killer

    April 11th, 1967 6:08 AM

    Thoughts of last night linger inside my head, but yet no emotion at all
    Suffocation .. with my fingers around her neck, as she made her last brawl
    No feeling or remose left, time allows myself to cool down, and move on
    Peering out my window, I browse the streets, the tall buildings with the sun
    light reflecting off their windows, blinding my sight momentarily, I move away
    the bedroom window was left open, hear the yelling coming from the city cafe
    I begin to prepare my outfit for the day, in which its somewhat to my likings
    without me being distinct at all, able to submit myself in with the surroundings
    Camoflauge; aide in becoming almost invincible to be suspected of the unusual
    Your looks is utmost important, as people judge by your looks 'n prevents any trouble
    The sun torches my skin on a lighter degree, as I emerged from the cool inside
    People walk by with grin from ear to ear, but they could be someone who died
    Perhaps it was my poor socialization, in my early childhood, due to my parents
    who in which hated me, made me feel sour, and always put me to utter silence
    and this is what I do for a living, an entertainment, to put a spark in my life
    'cause I will be murdering at least one every now and then ..
    with just the tip of my knife.

    April 23rd, 1967 9:22 PM

    Applying pressure upon my black Sedan's brakes, as I slow down to evaluate
    my next target, as I track to where she is heading, like to attack and assasinate
    but instead, I follow her to her house, which is a good thirty minute drive
    as if she suspected me, she sprints like a mouse inside, immediately as we arrive
    I don't care, I'm going to make sure she won't survive, I've never not killed
    but maybe I'll be nice, and won't torture her or keep her alive, 'n go against my will
    A .350 magnum bullet to her head, forsure, would be an instant death
    My skin hair rises, as the thought of the dead body there, without a sign of breath
    I step out of my car, in my nice and tidy suit, and lock the doors from within my pocket
    I change my mind as I get close and instead I rather persuit a different way .. a secret
    which there are no evidence of forced entry, instead, it's rather quick and a smooth task
    Without the rattling bushes, quietly, I make my way around, using the dark as a mask
    Found a window open and as carefully as possible, it's opened, in which I found my goal
    the woman I've been longing to kill, an easy mortal, which I can take her body and soul
    The desire was still lingering, and I released the pressure onto the trigger .. as it hit her
    and her weight just dropped to the floor .. and I walk over just to find out.
    I just killed my fucking sister.
    Last edited by key revolver; May 6th, 2005 at 02:55 PM
    - u n r e a L -
    . . . and yet still keep shit real

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    the one since '99

  2. #2
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    - u n r e a L -
    . . . and yet still keep shit real

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    the one since '99

  3. #3
    The True Psycho of RB
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    Damn son this piece was nice the ending was a great twist that just made the verses even crazier. Your vocab and imagery in this piece just brought the story to life it was real detailed which dont normally happen with pieces like this you kept the imagery and pacing of the story on point it was a real good concept and a great read. The vocab structure and imagery were all on point i cant hate nothing about this piece.

    Reply to my new thread:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=191223

  4. #4
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    Upping for feedback.
    - u n r e a L -
    . . . and yet still keep shit real

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    the one since '99

  5. #5
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    Feedback .. please.
    - u n r e a L -
    . . . and yet still keep shit real

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    the one since '99

  6. #6
    excellent. Definetyl some Horrorcore shit there. The Dates were kinda strange but the flow and the imagry were great. I very much enjoyed it.

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  7. #7
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    uppn ..
    - u n r e a L -
    . . . and yet still keep shit real

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    the one since '99

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Pretty Dope key, I Liked how u made it through the Killers Eyes.....And then had that ironic twist at the end. The whole thing kept me reading, The imagery was nice, Vocab was great, and the persistence with the story line was also nice......This was a good piece man, the killing of the sister twist was nice, it was unexpected in a way.....So overall this is a nice piece, GJ key, Peace

  9. #9
    Po'Ethics
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    This was a nice piece Key... If you devoted time on your verse against me in SS like you did in this you would've beaten me easily! That was a nice piece though... Never got to say.

    Anyway, this was very good. Excellent vocab and metaphor. The twist at the end really caught me... I enjoyed reading this. You wrote consistantly making good use of assonance and other literary devices which always makes a piece nice. It was a pretty graphic piece, but that was very good as it really illustrated your skill at writing with imagery and such. I felt it could've been a little bit longer, but that's no big deal at all.

    Nice work... If you could check out "Puppy Love" in my sig I'd appreciate it.

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  10. #10
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    upp'n
    - u n r e a L -
    . . . and yet still keep shit real

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    the one since '99

  11. #11
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    Upp?
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    . . . and yet still keep shit real

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    the one since '99

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