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Thread: What Is America

  1. October 17th, 2006, 12:34 PM #1
    Forum
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    What Is America


    What Is America


    What is America? A mixture poutpourri.
    Man made of slaves and trade
    who'd rather behave than be engraved
    I am not A-merican yet my heritage
    is just plain African. Yet were not alone
    others are thrown far from home
    confined yet condoned that their
    cultures gone. Not known to youth
    The truth does hurt, here where your
    worse comes first, and your birth
    comes last. We are the past
    Diverse, and yet an unseen dream
    of one KING doing impossible things
    not to be mean yet it seems that
    most citizens are lost with no means
    only contributing. Whose to say this is
    the right thing a government based on
    one man with a plan to destroy another
    man's land who all the time has dirt
    on the other side of his hands.
    That defines AMERICAN !


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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=312252
    2
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=312152
    Last edited by Forum; October 17th, 2006 at 12:42 PM


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  2. October 17th, 2006, 04:33 PM #2
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    Please leave feed don't sleep..........this is my second O-M trying to see where I'm at


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  3. October 17th, 2006, 09:15 PM #3
    DaMicSnatcher
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    Though this piece was short it had lots of detail and depth....it was well written and I agree with everything you say about america...I think in part of it you were referring to Bush, idk maybe, and I totally agaree with what you was sayin about him..imagery and word choice in my book is a ten..keep writin...check out my OM's as well thanks
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  4. October 18th, 2006, 09:47 AM #4
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    Thanks for the feed and yep i was refering to bush...Good eye on catching that.


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  5. October 18th, 2006, 09:55 AM #5
    hacker
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    this shit honestly was crazy its contains crazy line i like and fuck america
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  6. October 18th, 2006, 05:29 PM #6
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    Feed appreciated ...................................BUMP


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  7. October 18th, 2006, 05:31 PM #7
    I Win.
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    y0 DiZ WaS iLl Bruh KeEp Up
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  8. October 18th, 2006, 05:36 PM #8
    Ascend
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    I liked this piece alot, it was full of feel and had great imagery. Though it was more of a poetic slur than rap, I still find it good. Keep up. Check out 'The Legend of the Madman'.
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  9. October 18th, 2006, 05:41 PM #9
    ABSTRACKT
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    Dope drop man....some sick lines....props g
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  10. October 18th, 2006, 05:41 PM #10
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    thankx for the feed appreciate it.


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  11. October 19th, 2006, 12:29 AM #11
    Tragedian.
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    nice...i was feelin this...even though i aint from america lmao...the pic was good that you added...at first it was pretty boring...then i started to read through and im like ok this is pretty good and so i read some more and i found it to be a real good drop...flow was nice and stayed up didnt fall much...strutre was cool easy to read not many strecthed lines...vocab was nice a bit on the simple side but thats alright...pretty emotional as i could feel it...this was real nice..check the sig...keep up.
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  12. October 19th, 2006, 05:47 PM #12
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    bump


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  13. October 20th, 2006, 12:26 PM #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forum
    bump
    again


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  14. October 23rd, 2006, 12:39 PM #14
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    Another wgreat played topic...I think I like this FORUM kid. This piece is filled with emotion and the short wording structure makes it flow well as you read. The multi usage in this piece was crazy especially at the end. This aside from chaind minds is the second best piece you've did so far nope cause your in 5hoursemen it makes it the third ....lol..nice shit fam keep it ^
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  15. October 23rd, 2006, 01:08 PM #15
    Richard Parker
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    This piece was ok. Complaints: It rambled too much. Not in the sense that it went from topic to topic, but in the sense that you never stopped for long enough for your reader to make sense of what you were saying. It also was overly detailed - too many adjectives in some parts, but too little story-telling. Take for example, "Yet were not alone others are thrown far from home yet condoned that their cultures gone." I don't even understand what that sentence means. To condone something means to approve of it -- either you are using the wrong definition of "condone", or are using the wrong part of speech (you might mean "they condone that their culture is gone). I don't know. Little details like those are immensely important though. Anyway, yeah way too much rambling, to the point where I couldn't discern what you were actually trying to say. No hate, you have a fairly good vocabulary, and the idea for the piece was good. You also have a unique style. just work on it.
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