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Thread: Such a Lady

  1. May 21st, 2006, 04:11 PM #1
    AngelHaze
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    Such a Lady

    This is a poem i wrote for my best friend and his girlfriend at a point in time when she was thinking of leaving him ....

    Such a Lady



    The beauty that shows even from your distinct apparel makes way for decent lovers
    Your expressions loud and vibrant to me but yet it is not visible to others
    Fear of love and friendship I appall you with my careful and concerning ways
    My heart in your hands all the while LOVE is what the discerning portrait conveys

    Lady, you are what makes me feel nothing wrong could happen
    Lady, you’re also what makes me accept the wrong that happens
    Lady, I’d give my life for you because you’re all that matters
    Lady, whenever you decide to say goodbye is when my heart will shatter

    Come with me distinguish our love from the lies of harshness and reality
    Am I mistaken ? Or will you say yes re-grant me sanity now you’re my own fatality
    Through in climate weather you’re like my umbrella you keep me from the rain
    Disdain, pain, belief you help me to re-gain but from you my soul shall not refrain


    Lady, you are my sunshine without you my world is dark
    Lady, you are the key to the sacred door of my heart
    Lady, you are the thoughts inside my very cerebrum
    Lady, you’d be the love of the world should I ever share with them
    Lady, you are the peace I feel when things just seem to go my way
    Lady, your consciousness of the world around you makes me wish you’d say…
    I love you for life, please stay with me forever
    Lady, let yes escape my lips when they ask if we’re together
    Lady, be the one who brings new life and assurance to my name
    Lady, be the one who makes me proud to say she’s who I claim

    Come with me love me until death do we part forever you shall be my baby
    Come with me share my love choose to love me and never treat me shady
    Choose to pick me over anyone, as if I were drowning you could save me
    Take the time to understand your grace, wonder, and sensuality, YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKIN’ LADY!


    links :
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293268
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293333
    Last edited by AngelHaze; May 21st, 2006 at 04:17 PM
    scytsophrenia
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  2. May 21st, 2006, 04:28 PM #2
    detremental.
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    This is nice Nena. I liked it. Your flow of it was iight and your structure was good. I also like your use of vocabulary and the use of our crew name. lol. Good job Nena. I think you have potential. keep writing.
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  3. May 21st, 2006, 11:12 PM #3
    AngelHaze
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    upz...#1
    scytsophrenia
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  4. May 22nd, 2006, 10:19 AM #4
    AngelHaze
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    upz DAMN DONT SLEEP ON THIS NOW!
    scytsophrenia
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  5. May 22nd, 2006, 10:39 AM #5
    DrunknMonkey
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    I liked this piece.....you could feel the emotion....the vocab was aiight...the flow was on point and the imagery was cool.... the structure was great .... overall I'd say that it was a good read.... and the topic was different ...... really grabbed my attention .....good shit thou....Keep it up ...... The Skills are There...
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  6. May 22nd, 2006, 05:18 PM #6
    AngelHaze
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    thankz upz!
    scytsophrenia
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  7. May 22nd, 2006, 05:34 PM #7
    ~*PsYcHo*~
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    why this is quite deep i lyked it it had good structure and flow the vocabulary i thought waz excellant and you could really feel the emotion as some one above sed this piece really did grab your attention i ebjoyed readin this keep it goin.......

    ....Blah....
    ..
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  8. May 22nd, 2006, 06:00 PM #8
    H0PE
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    This is real nice...you really could feel the emotion [/repeated, I know] but I'm serious. Tears in the eyes...tears in the eyes.
    Really good work
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  9. May 22nd, 2006, 06:05 PM #9
    ~El Gallo Negro~
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    this was an ok piece i'll grade u tough cause u show potential u r structure was booooo see how its so stretched out an the lines aren't even and because of ur uneven lines the flow was off and choppy vocab w as decent imagery was below par but when u did use good vocab u used it properly and i jus felt this piece was too short write longer to express us self more overall goood attempt keep writing hit my om forrbidden desire if u can find it lol
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  10. May 22nd, 2006, 06:17 PM #10
    mc pyro.
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    this peice was cool nice imagery and emotion flow was ok but could have been better but it went along with the peice so it was fine sturcture i thought was great perfect on that concept was good nice to read and the vocab was very good also nice to see
    leave feed on the om in ma sig plz
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  11. May 22nd, 2006, 07:14 PM #11
    Sinful Thoughts
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    This Piece Was Deep I was Really Feeling The Emotion, Your Structure And Flow Was Off But Your Vocab Was Good. I Felt You Stretched It To Much Though.
    Overall Good Attempt Keep It Up 7/10
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  12. May 22nd, 2006, 07:34 PM #12
    sILLable
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    good strucutre...ill emotion...imagery was there as well.....i liked this piece..nothing seemed forced and you stayed on point with your story...your rhyme scheme was aiight...you had some tight vocab..not too complex but it still worked for this piece just fine....i enjoyed readin this piece...keep elevatin and droppin.~1~


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  13. May 22nd, 2006, 09:53 PM #13
    Wireless
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    I'm thinking this should go under PS :/..oh well.

    I could really see the sentimental value in this poem...The emotion was apparently there, and the title was definitely fitting...Your flow was decent, but for a poem that doesn't neccesarilly matter...I could notice your use of metaphors, and felt like you executed them nicely...The imagery was decent, room for improvement, but still nice...

    Fav Part:

    Come with me distinguish our love from the lies of harshness and reality
    Am I mistaken ? Or will you say yes re-grant me sanity now you’re my own fatality
    Through in climate weather you’re like my umbrella you keep me from the rain
    Disdain, pain, belief you help me to re-gain but from you my soul shall not refrain

    please RTF on "Another peice of wood in the fire."

    Mondo Thugs l The Truth


    If I'm too simple, then you just dont get the basics.
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  14. May 23rd, 2006, 08:42 AM #14
    AngelHaze
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    thankz for the feed all and ill RTF Wireless...
    scytsophrenia
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  15. May 23rd, 2006, 01:32 PM #15
    LadyDip*Harlem
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    ok I was feeling this piece. I thought that ya structure coulda been better tho. this piece was deep as well. I definitely felt the emotion. I aint kno you had it like that ma....Keep it up. You got alot of potential.
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