Autumnony.

I edited in the ending to this piece... I would like to say something about it.

You may notice that the flow get's extended after the:

"freezing my face with tears,
bringing it's strange signs"

I used the extension as a catalyst to employ the surge of emotion you feel towards the conclusion of just about anything. It was purposeful, I do realize that some of you will be annoyed by it. Get over it. Oh, and a feather in native american mythology is symbolic for a message. A metaphore I've held close to me for a long time.

eye's open to the world I wake
gotta stake some plots
destiny's are made
fuck waitin on fate
I break my bread with brethren
smoke my first 27
and admire this slice of cursed heaven
it's gettin gray out there
I swear them leaves dance with the wind
a dance never to be seen again
this breeze has been
everywhere I wanna go
around the globe and back
to the front porch of my home
my soul roams towards the blue
in them hills
those rocks stand testament
to the resolution I feel
my revolution is real
see me change with the seasons
one moment I'm here
the very next I'm leavin'
I'm off to fresh starts
once this evening departs
sleepless with anxiety
but dreaming of the embark
the clouds are not silent
they trumpet their triumph
their as unbreakable
as the mountains behind 'em
I've resigned them times of sun
them times are done
gods paints spilt at daybreak
I saw them run
thunderous chords strum
to the tune of change
the sounds resound
throughout the gray of his paint
there's a restraint in the air
that keeps me too close to here
the streets wet with angels tears
let the sky never clear
Let them taste the hopelessness
let them die inside as winter approaches us
maybe then they will notice us
I hold, NO I CLUTCH
this blanket of memory
she may not,
but at least the cold remembers me
its come back every year,
just about the same time
freezing my face with tears,
bringing it's strange signs
they claim I'm losing direction
headed west against the winds discretion
chasing windswept feathers
forever needing the message
should've headed east
as the weather suggested
but you know me, always testin'
the mists confession shows what's been hidden
tomorrows snow is forgiven
for covering the hope that summer has given





http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...51#post5317251
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317670

Nice, I loved the constint flow. The wordibng was good and Structre was nice and basic. The Creativty was alright and Imagenation was well described. Keep writing Split.

~Bell

PS: In the Poetic Scriptures area hit up my Eye C U peice.

I think you and Nahlidge are the only writers who can successfully use slang and common language without sounding ignorant. At the start of the piece, I was unsure as to what I would think of this, but as it went on I quickly found myself fully submerged in the lines. Contectually this had such beautifully written metaphors and poetics subtleties. The rhyme scheme was cool in the sense that, although it wasn't overly complex, the shortened lines riddled with assonance and alitteration aswell as a basic syllable based end rhyme left everything so fluent and moving. Not just as flow, but also contectually the piece became more fluent. The only think I wasn't 100% about was the way the piece concluded- felt like those last 2 or 3 lines were alittle more lax on diction/word placement and they didn't feel quite as smooth as the rest of the piece. Overall though, I really liked this a lot man.

If you could,
Hollywood ft. Darfur

^word, thanks bro... yeah, that's actually not the entire piece.. I'm on vacation though and didn't have the finished version, but felt that it would do for the time being.

I'll get at that right now.

Oh nice, I'll definately watch for that second half; I may be putting this one into my HOF bin.

^word, sometime around wednesday. If you nominated this I'd think you were the coolest person in OM, for seriousness, haha.

yup yup.

This was tight man. I agree with At... you and Nah got a nice simplistic style, yet its used to portray a complex meaning.. and in writing that is a wonderful talent to have. It leads people down the road you've paved with no bumbs or confusion and allows them to fully understand and enjoy ur pieces (at least thats what it does for me). And unlike At.. i was feeling the way you ended it. It hit home for me. Anyway, nice drop my man and i appreciate the feedback you left me as well. Respect.

Oh fa`sho, homie.

Up.

uppp

yeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaw!

This was nice piece here split. Never knew what you were capable of topically. Very intriguing piece's which were emotionaly felt. Metaphor's were also on task but could have been better. You had a very original piece here but had some misleading line's, but often got on track which made the piece overall worth reading. Looking forward to seeing me from you.

See'Ya.

word bro... my whiteness can be decieving.

up. Leave links.

really interesting style you got here, the short line thing
worked well, and seemed to cause me to anticipate the
next line, which was cool, and the breaks in your lines
didnt affect the flow at all, actually helped as it left
time to comprehend, while still maintaining a fluent read
your word play was straight with a mixture of metas,
that werent forced though i cant help wondering if
some of them were really needed, as they seemed
to be a lil of topic , i mean they added to the flo
though idk if they added to the concept of the piece,
which im thinking is sumthing to do with the wordplay
you used as your title, though correct me if im wrong
is a play on Autonomy and Autumm, as the end of the
piece suggested this was a piece about a lost lover
and you reminissing and dealing with th breakup,
well that was my take on this piece, feel free to set
me strait, though please dont take it as a diss if
im wrong as the piece hads me engaged and wanting
to understand it,though maybe some vocab could of
added that lil extra,nice read though,and fresh
keep rippin those scriptz....RTF hit the link...peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

this was a dope topic and a nice put together the multies and the metaphors were nicely put and ye athe slang was kinda creative and nice to see ya heard it wasa a nice addition and asset to your writing man i liked htis for what it turned out to be and the way you worded it and the structure was your style and no one elses yea know nice drop here split.

RTF
Link in my sig

leave me a link.