User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 22

Thread: Bloody Sunday.

  1. #1
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Age
    46
    Posts
    4,000
    Battle Record
    23-2
    Awards Legendary Member LLL Champion OM HOF Golden Glove Champion

    Bloody Sunday.

    They line up for war & set off they’re tour
    Knowing full well the struggle they’ll have to endure
    What’s in store is a pure contest of might & will
    As the two prideful sides collide to fight with skill
    The sight is filled with an excitement that’s real.
    And the heat of the battle ignites on the field.
    The front line is sealed, to block a forewarned attack
    Their leader’s coordinates are about a quarter back.
    He bark’s out orders & stacks his border then tracks…
    His enemy’s troops before moving forward to act
    On his exact signal, the men will initiate his mission
    Which is to push them back & increase their position
    So they wait & listen for their general’s permission
    As the sun glistens off there protective armour
    And the heat pushes the hot temperature farther
    It becomes harder to focus on the task at hand
    But they are warriors set to destroy any man
    Then…
    Out goes the command to deploy and defend
    The general sends men wide as a decoy to pretend
    Like he’s coy to them..
    And instead.. commences his forces on the ground
    As the front line engages and is tossed around
    Hand to hand combat ensues with bruises and bumps
    Scrapes and cuts bleed from the blood being pumped
    Bodies are dumped.. Both sides being lumped together
    Severed is the formation that was once remembered
    Fronts tethered & tied now slide for protection
    As the leader advances ahead with no detection...
    Inside the defenses dimension and near is the goal
    Which is ten yards past what the enemy holds
    And behold..
    Its reached as the opposition is breached and broken
    On a first and goal when the offense was golden….

    Another bloody Sunday in the NFL.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  2. #2

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    I liked the storytelling and narritive stance of the piece, but it felt very stop and go. The transitions from line-line were very abrupt. Rather than everything flowing into a larger piece, each line stood in a sense of solitude- despite the fact that the content of the lines were all cohesive to an overall concept. Yeah, I really enjoyed the piece contectually, but a lot of the machanics, and the format of the piece weren't really my style. Piece got you the win if I recall though, so, it's all good.

    If you could,
    Hollywood ft. Darfur
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  3. #3
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Age
    46
    Posts
    4,000
    Battle Record
    23-2
    Awards Legendary Member LLL Champion OM HOF Golden Glove Champion

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    Thanks.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! S.K.O.R.C.H's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    cali
    Age
    40
    Posts
    142
    Battle Record
    0-2

    not bad dawg............

    The track and overall scheme was partly a mission and the other part expected. Didn't take anyone by suprise but had a good vibe throughout the piece.
    "(Hand to hand combat ensues with bruises and bumps
    Scrapes and cuts bleed from the blood being pumped
    Bodies are dumped.. Both sides being lumped together
    Severed is the formation that was once remembered)"-nice line
    also, "(The front line is sealed, to block a forewarned attack
    Their leader’s coordinates are about a quarter back.
    He bark’s out orders & stacks his border then tracks…
    His enemy’s troops before moving forward to act)"- good technique with this one. i like ur angle dawg keep spittin. 5.75/10 -1-
    "Killing me with a gun is easy, try a pen"
    -talib kweli-
    -OPEN MICS-
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    -3 of da illest eva-

  5. #5
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    36
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    this wasa nice put together man nice mix of multies , vocaba nd metaphorical usage man seriously. nice mix. your storytelling was off strong and well throug. at first it was like a midst war cry battle then later as the story unfolded in your sense of creativeness and style it unfolded gradually and very solid of fottbal and it was a creative concept and cool nah man....nice drop evolve man you have been a bit consistant lately nice~

    RTF
    link in the sig
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  6. #6

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    This was a really good Om. At first I thought that this was like some gladiator theme or something having to do with war. The multies in this were insane & the flow was real nice all around. Then I liked how you were only writting about football. This was very original & i enjoyed reading it.

  7. #7
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Age
    46
    Posts
    4,000
    Battle Record
    23-2
    Awards Legendary Member LLL Champion OM HOF Golden Glove Champion

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    appreciated.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  8. #8
    Banned MuLtiPLeZ-HeRo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Age
    36
    Posts
    50
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    Whack...Football = Lame...why football my homie? you aint got shit to rap about? i would say this piece could of been better if it had a better meaning other than football and if the flow was better.. and i like football just this ...
    heres one adjustment you could of made to make it flow better
    some rhymes kind of suprised me at the begining then it went down hill
    1.8/10

  9. #9
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Guam
    Age
    36
    Posts
    22,986
    Battle Record
    62-46
    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    Quote Originally Posted by Silent.
    this wasa nice put together man nice mix of multies , vocaba nd metaphorical usage man seriously. nice mix. your storytelling was off strong and well throug. at first it was like a midst war cry battle then later as the story unfolded in your sense of creativeness and style it unfolded gradually and very solid of fottbal and it was a creative concept and cool nah man....nice drop evolve man you have been a bit consistant lately nice~

    RTF
    link in the sig
    ^^
    hope you got this man..please feed it back.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  10. #10
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Age
    46
    Posts
    4,000
    Battle Record
    23-2
    Awards Legendary Member LLL Champion OM HOF Golden Glove Champion

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    Quote Originally Posted by MuLtiPLeZ-HeRo
    Whack...Football = Lame...why football my homie? you aint got shit to rap about? i would say this piece could of been better if it had a better meaning other than football and if the flow was better.. and i like football just this ...
    heres one adjustment you could of made to make it flow better
    some rhymes kind of suprised me at the begining then it went down hill
    1.8/10
    LOLOL^^^^ ok ... WOOOW at him not understanding the piece at all...

    Anyway... thanks to all who replied.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  11. #11

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    LOVIN IT FOOTBALL PIECE nice flow bud!!!

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    NY
    Age
    34
    Posts
    84
    Battle Record
    2-4

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    The title was unique. the flow was smooth. but it had pause and go thing like atticus stated. the story telling was really intresting, specailly "football" being the topic. Also the multies were str8, and fit perfectly with the vocabulary in this piece. good science.

    peep the sig
    J-RocK

  13. #13
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Age
    46
    Posts
    4,000
    Battle Record
    23-2
    Awards Legendary Member LLL Champion OM HOF Golden Glove Champion

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    Thanks man. Appreciated.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

  14. #14
    Hence Forth, Move Forward
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Colorado
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,702
    Battle Record
    5-5

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    another good piece.. after all these years you've still got it, haha.
    I'm a fan of metaphore, who isn't... but I harbor a deep respect for anyone talented enough to produce them on epic scale... which is what this was, to me at least. It could have been stronger at points, at times you could see through the wording to the to the true topic... but that didn't really take away from the piece. Good multi's and all that hooblah... Looks like you fixed that structure, haha. Good piece. Real good.

    Mind hitting this up for me?
    Autumnomy

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  15. #15
    Planet of the Rapes. Evolve's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Age
    46
    Posts
    4,000
    Battle Record
    23-2
    Awards Legendary Member LLL Champion OM HOF Golden Glove Champion

    Re: Bloody Sunday.

    Thanks man. Just hit up your piece as well.
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

    ArtificialIntelligence









    AI

Similar Threads

  1. First Sunday
    By Brother Blue Collar in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: July 5th, 2010, 05:34 AM
  2. first sunday
    By The Vortex in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: May 20th, 2008, 07:00 PM
  3. Sunday
    By rule in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: February 10th, 2004, 09:15 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •