Through Whispering Words

This was a piece I did for a Topical Battle, so I thought I might post it as an OM. Cheers.

Through Whispering Words
“The Tale of the South Coast”

http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/5...lipsbyibt4.jpg

Afraid, betrayed, she lays infamous amongst her persistent fame
Played, enslaved, through agony, she hides her resistant pain
Admiration, celebration, was a feeling ones existence craves
Elation, formation, were her colors of life, yet at inconsistent shades

The pain gnawed, away her heart, as she withdrew resentment
The rain would applaud, every moment she redrew contentment
The gain shook abroad, as the rain faded, and seemed suspended
The same hook would maraud, as every smile gleamed ‘pretended’

It would avenge the happiness it brought, before it’d sadly depart
The revenge brought sadness to her, as he left her – gladly – impart
The rain never returned, from that day, of its change of heart
A lesson she merely learned, as she crawls from an endangered start

Unknowing she laid, inside her bedroom, glooming the worst
Growing, the pain, beside her heirloom, was dooming her curse
Glowing, it played, through every day, with a precluding rehearse
Showing, a dull shade, and no chance of an elusive reverse

Yet all of a sudden, the rain returned, and she felt re-united
The roar of her husband, left her burnt, along with a life, so blighted

Acidic, the rain drew, alongside the terror it kept helplessly hidden
The pain, no longer grew, as her life laid endlessly ridded

The rain wasn’t a cloud; it was the male she loved utmost
Insane, yet he was proud, to bestow her final, conclusive, toast
For unknown reasons, covered in shroud, amidst the south coast
A love grown, above the poisons, which created this foul ghost

As her presence lays in the south shores, beneath the glistening birds
Lies one sentence, never forgotten, through her whispering words

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=314889&page=2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315642

Uppin' for feed :)

wow...what a compelling piece you've put together once again...your rhyme scheme is flawless...i love reading your stuff because im always guaranteed to see that signature internals exercise ya dig....i loved the concept and the way you wrote it...how you had the rain symbolized as her boyfriend...good stuff here partner...yo this shit in my opinion should be nominated for HoF because everything was here and in place....good good shit yo..we need to collab sometimes..

whoa whoa whoa, that was sick seriously, loved every line...and the italics even brought the scenery to life, great word usage, flow was outstanding, i fuckin loved the whole concept and idea you were using, the emotion was there it could have been shown a little more but either way, your message still came across well...beautiful storyline and great closer

forreal. very nice, very creative, very real :thumbup:

yo this shit was tight for real man

thouts wo n this battle

It was a decent peice, definately not material for RB legends but it was a decent peice. The flow of it was nice, good imagery, good way to play on the topic. . it was decent not extraordinary.

Thanks for the feed guys - Uppin.

Thanks for the feed on my piece, Inseparable, and thanks again for the congrats, yea 3 years is nothing but hard work and love.

Anyway, about your piece. intensely metaphorical and yet still well drawn imagery. that is difficult for most people to put out but you stabbed it well. nicely fitted with it was the emotion of the piece, very strong and very believable. many pieces come off as way too artificial, you escaped that quite well. the scheme was quite unique, pause and pace with some nice internal rhymes, well done. overall, this was well worth the read. i'll be on the lookout for more from you.

peACE

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ace of Aces

Thanks for the feed on my piece, Inseparable, and thanks again for the congrats, yea 3 years is nothing but hard work and love.

Anyway, about your piece. intensely metaphorical and yet still well drawn imagery. that is difficult for most people to put out but you stabbed it well. nicely fitted with it was the emotion of the piece, very strong and very believable. many pieces come off as way too artificial, you escaped that quite well. the scheme was quite unique, pause and pace with some nice internal rhymes, well done. overall, this was well worth the read. i'll be on the lookout for more from you.

peACE

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Cheers man :) Bump.

This was a nice drop man,
Your rhyme scheme was nicely done and consistent throughout which is a bit difficult to do,

this was a dope line "were her colors of life, yet at inconsistent shades"
Emotion was nicely done, although the imagery was a bit lacking, but overall this was a very nice piece.

heavy on the metaphorical lean, which was the outstanding part
in this piece, nice transitions , real easy flow, and your multis
were strait, i thought the emotion of the piece was also well
explored, your vocab is excellent while the imagery could of
needed more attention though overall this was a solid piece,
my fav lines,

Admiration, celebration, was a feeling ones existence craves
Elation, formation, were her colors of life, yet at inconsistent shades

nice,
a well executed piece, talent most def

keep rippin those scripts...

if you got time here is a link to one of minez...peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

srry edited the link

Thanks for the feed guys :D Bump.

Uppin.

very nice piece here. I was feeling this from the top to the bottom. You captured the imagination = imagery, emotion, dialect and most of all the readers attention, good job, i'd like to do a piece with u one day.

Now this was a great piece....very well written...the multi's were like rapid fire on the battlefield...constantly hittN....The topic was good and the take and the drop's content were put together exceptionally well...The emotion was all through out the piece from the first line to the last...The imagery was crazy as I envisiond most of it while reading...Overall this was a very good piece The best I've read today by far...

Quote:

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The pain gnawed, away her heart, as she withdrew resentment
The rain would applaud, every moment she redrew contentment
The gain shook abroad, as the rain faded, and seemed suspended
The same hook would maraud, as every smile gleamed ‘pretended’

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^^^My favorite stanza...RTF in sig plz...

Thanks for the feed people :) I'll get to your pieces real soon, I've been busy lately.

Peace - Uppin.

Bump.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by B.Nesse

whoa whoa whoa, that was sick seriously, loved every line...and the italics even brought the scenery to life, great word usage, flow was outstanding, i fuckin loved the whole concept and idea you were using, the emotion was there it could have been shown a little more but either way, your message still came across well...beautiful storyline and great closer

forreal. very nice, very creative, very real :thumbup:

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took the words right out my mouth. THIS WAS EFFIN DOPE FAMMO.

HIT UP THE SECOND LINK IN MY SIG

Thanks for the feed guys. Uppin.

FUCK!
















































I loved this peice man. The Wordplay was incredible and you had every word right where it should be. The Flow was constant and I like that. The Imagenation was great and wild. The Creativty was perfect bringing me to this ill style of a font. The Story was incredible. PM me for Colab details man..

Link @ Bottom of sig. RTF.