Motivated Killers

Printable View

June 11th, 2006, 01:34 AM
Cody Nash

Motivated Killers

Motivated Killers
By: Nash
i wasn't feelin' myself, i felt as if i needed help ..
my motive? well there wasn't any, i hated myself
so, it's like ..
i was rollin' locamotive, didn't strike a single fuckin' motive
but with motives that even satan's never promoted ..
if i'd ever noted more, it was this girl that i was viewing
just previewing through windows of insanity,
just imagining who i'd be chopping & skewing
renewing order, pretending to be the border to day & night
i knew it couldn't be right to think a delicacy of a delight
"Alright," my mind said, when the soon dead girl strolled by
first i stood, then i jumped to hear her cry, then she'd die
i relied on the knife to destroy her life, i ripped & gutted ..
.. tore & loved it, like a door just craving to be shutted
i'm slaving for my own satisfaction, motive? still no reaction
what is it.. that causes these fatal attractions?
there's captions on their heads, that say "KILL ME DEAD"
so i shoot em` in the head.. & it's said that I'M brutal?
just cuz a news cast acts fast to give YOU brutes a earfull
nothin's revealed fools, the truth? i've killed & gotten away
people forgotten today, with some cops tomorrow ..
.. that aint got shit to say
don't play with my head, i may or may not be dropped
but hell, don't tell me i still ain't standin`.. i can't be stopped
i'm demandin` you cowards cowar & call me hot
cuz i got more kills under my belt ..
.. than they could fit on Ripleys believe it not
i'll stop, i'll quit throwin' helpless people to the ground
.. but only if i get caught, if i'm brought down
& if i'm brought down SOUNDLY, without the news on my back
because without the news,
the "killers" < wouldn't even know how to do that

Cramped for Lives - Spekz
Sensible Havoc - Illus'Artis
June 11th, 2006, 01:38 AM
noncentz

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cry

Motivated Killers
By: Nash
i wasn't feelin' myself, i felt as if i needed help ..
my motive? well there wasn't any, i hated myself
so, it's like ..
i was rollin' locamotive, didn't strike a single fuckin' motive
but with motives that even satan's never promoted ..
if i'd ever noted more, it was this girl that i was viewing
just previewing through windows of insanity,
just imagining who i'd be chopping & skewing
renewing order, pretending to be the border to day & night
i knew it couldn't be right to think a delicacy of a delight
"Alright," my mind said, when the soon dead girl strolled by
first i stood, then i jumped to hear her cry, then she'd die
i relied on the knife to destroy her life, i ripped & gutted ..
.. tore & loved it, like a door just craving to be shutted
i'm slaving for my own satisfaction, motive? still no reaction
what is it.. that causes these fatal attractions?
there's captions on their heads, that say "KILL ME DEAD"
so i shoot em` in the head.. & it's said that I'M brutal?
just cuz a news cast acts fast to give YOU brutes a earfull
nothin's revealed fools, the truth? i've killed & gotten away
people forgotten today, with some cops tomorrow ..
.. that aint got shit to say
don't play with my head, i may or may not be dropped
but hell, don't tell me i still ain't standin`.. i can't be stopped
i'm demandin` you cowards cowar & call me hot
cuz i got more kills under my belt ..
.. than they could fit on Ripleys believe it not
i'll stop, but only if i get caught, if i'm brought down
if i'm brought down, soundly, without the news on my back
because without the news,
the "KILLERS!" < wouldn't know how to do that

links soon ..

YO TWIN THIS WASNT BAD AT ALL I SAW MANY ELEMENTS SOME STRONGER THAN OTHERS NO DOUBT BUT NONE WEAK.
i liked it for start to finish you get more complex and use witty lines in punch form but this was hot
you still fed many emotions i xcan relate especielly in the intro lines
June 11th, 2006, 05:46 AM
Stunee

I think you could work on the structure a bit more...Dunno, maybe just me. It's a cool story mode type of theme. My favorite part was towards the ending, it got more into a freestyle, punch line kinda theme, from Line 21 down, I followed, above, was hard for me to keep up with what your saying...or trying to say. The only point I caught to this piece was that 'Your a killer without a real motive, only that the people around you are that motive'...if that's correct? You could have chose a better subject or something close to relate to it, but in all, I think I followed what you were saying and I like it, no hate! Keep it up doggy...Peace.
June 11th, 2006, 01:41 PM
Mic.

strucutre could have been better but this was good...
nice flow..nice rhyme scheme and good multies
nice emotion, and imagery..good vocab as well....
overall this was interestng and i liked it...
June 11th, 2006, 03:40 PM
NiNjah Red

pretty dope rythym n flow. sum on multies f'sho.
GOOD emotion.PLENTY...........vocab was decent...........sum coo imageries displayed..............sum rhymes got a bit basic t'ward da end.., but i guess worked all the same still............concept was dealt w/ cool. but cudda been deepened and expanded on a lil for a more complete picture. but yeah a nice write still

check out this free 1 i wrote earlier yeah

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296789
June 11th, 2006, 05:14 PM
TProphet

Loved the way you rhymed with internals. Maybe its because you wrote very similar way of rhyming to me, but thats what stood out to me, your internals and flow. . you didnt really capture the readers attention with a line that said 'you have read on' [bascially so that they are intrigued]because there wasnt really much creativity to be honest. .

all in all your piece had the basics laid down pretty well.. now work on your content and im sure youll see improvement in your writing

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296456

Have a look at that for me
June 11th, 2006, 06:44 PM
Cody Nash

^didn't really try too hard, felt like writing something a bit gritty/emotional. oh, and i forgot these OM kids still CARE about structure ..lmfao, are you saying that you could read it better if i changed the font and centered it? lmao, stfu kids. Yeah, it was basic, nothing special from me.

I'll hit yours up a little later true.
June 11th, 2006, 06:58 PM
Opus

weird piece for text, would have been cool on audio like a Slug kind of vibe. What kind of not that great for a text piece though
June 12th, 2006, 03:15 AM
Cody Nash

mmk, anything else to say?
June 12th, 2006, 04:02 AM
th-C

pretty crazy... do u feel like killing someone? whats your deal? a anyway howd u get so many post counts wtf r u marv............ blah

don't play with my head, i may or may not be dropped
but hell, don't tell me i still ain't standin`.. i can't be stopped
i'm demandin` you cowards cowar & call me hot
cuz i got more kills under my belt ..
.. than they could fit on Ripleys believe it not

liked those lines
June 12th, 2006, 08:46 PM
Cody Nash

lol, nice feed? no i'm not marv ..lmao.

uppity
June 15th, 2006, 02:07 AM
Cody Nash

uppingness ..
June 15th, 2006, 02:48 AM
~SILENT~

Wow dis was a pretty nice piece. I liked the title which went well with yhis piece. The title was dope, it was very distinctive & creative. Thid piece had a good sense of imagery which lad into many thought's for me. I also liked the concept's of what word's an such lead you in to doing so . But this had very good vocab in it also. Cry this om was one of the nicest piece's.

Feed Back appreciated on this.
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...64#post4603964
June 15th, 2006, 05:31 AM
urban legendz

yo famo that was pretty descent i like the imagery that you created by yousing proper wordplay and vocab good topic you choose.... you had pretty descent metaphors to begin with... good job

leave feed on my OM
June 15th, 2006, 06:28 PM
Red Hooks

see i thought this was pretty tight because i felt that nash took on a new style usually he'll have a lil bit of poetry mixed wit his rhymes but on this he just whent all out shit was pretty tight i liked it

keep doing ya thing homie
June 16th, 2006, 02:05 AM
Cody Nash

^thanks all.
June 16th, 2006, 02:15 AM
Witty

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cry

are you saying that you could read it better if i changed the font and centered it? lmao, stfu kids.

to be fair to them....that's not what structure is,but they probably don't nkow that lol
June 18th, 2006, 10:03 PM
Nastra L

this shit is cool
June 21st, 2006, 08:14 AM
Endeva.

at first i thought this is gonna be one of those pieces where really common rhyming was gonna flow all through it, in some ways it was, but you seemed to switch it about in a way that took away the 'standard flow' if you know what i mean, i thought the ending was the best part, but it was pretty consistant, also i liked what you were saying it didnt rattle on, boring me like some OMs these days do. BUT im not saying this was great, cos in some places it was kind of repetative, overall though an enyojable read

my advice would be to keep away from typical rhyming, throw in some crazy shit, nah mean, so people are like 'whoa that couple of bars there was off the map'

anyways pz... stay up
June 21st, 2006, 04:03 PM
Soule

Dope peice Aaron. The flow and wordplat was wonderful. The structre was nice but niot like your othe peices meaningless to say. The creativity was Ill. Keep it up man 9-10 as well.

~Lex
June 21st, 2006, 06:06 PM
Cody Nash

thanks Dev, thanks John ..