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Thread: Cramped For Lives

  1. #1
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    Cramped For Lives





    Cramped For Lives


    Swastika branded soldiers march deserted streets
    Hunting in apparant ghost towns
    Firearms at hand thriving to hiding jewish heart beats
    Locked in cramped attics most are found
    cuddled around sweating beads from the heat of fear
    a family choking on death is captured
    last heard screaming tied in a truck only to dissapear
    heads hang low soaking in terrible rapture
    Bastard! screams from the lungs of a proud captive
    Soldier Slapped him; as his wifes tears shed
    the kneeling man spit in disgust; so the nazi shot him
    "we only had room for 1 more anyways"
    easily said the general leaving the man dead


    Concentration Camps sprout on "German" lands under Nazi commands
    and the degradation damned millions of "Germans" by Nazi Hands
    Shreiking demands peirced bodies of skin and bones to do hard labor
    like burying skin and bones of family and friends murded by a dictator
    stomachs growl from hunger;bodies ache from whip; yet they work
    hoping for a savior, later to free them from this life of ever lasting hurt
    Forced into overly crowded buildings to rest on stacked wooden beds
    they sleep where theres no clear for them,unknowingly sleep with the dead
    as pain an suffering tares at the nightmares killing the captives in rest
    death infests within camps raging of hatred which all who lived it possessed
    Prisoners began to dig pits marked as graves where there "kind" now laid
    whips & chains scraped the backs of those who prayed still believeing in faith
    while others diligently worked flowing with hate giving up on so called waste
    each day seeing trains laced with dirt caked faces, facing a working grave
    Blood, sweat, and tears soaked the dirt of those who could no longer take it
    weak bodies relentlessy try to save them, knowing what theyll be faced with
    brutally taken from fields, hundreds at a time are packed in lamenting rooms
    where bullets unload, & those who live suffocate painfuly from venting fumes
    no visible room for casualities they casually pack more bodies into heaping pits
    covering it up & leaving it, each day seeing this with nobody to greave with
    Camps could not longer grow rapidly enough to keep up with the mass visits
    labor turn to medical experiments & strictly death camps like Auschwitz

    Years of pain passed as deaths grew
    still it was not over
    far more suffering to go through
    for those who live
    a man lucky enough to enter a death camp
    and never taste death
    was still stabbed with pain for in his past
    he lost his children & wife
    they were forcefully boarding the last train
    5 children, 3 women , 3 men
    screams of children & women faded when slain

    for there was only room for one....
    ...11 was difficult
    but 3 men were managable enough
    Last edited by Spekz.; June 8th, 2006 at 11:46 PM
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  2. #2

  3. #3
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    The sleeping is not appreciated ....
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  4. #4
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    Typical OMs.....put me on the waiting list lol
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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Wow why is this being slept on? This piece was dope fam forreal. Imagery was executed beautifly, really had me there and going through this torture. Emotion was also very well done. Vocabulary was very high which is always good and topic was very original. Flow was a little choppy at time but other than that, it was a very dope piece forreal fam.

    Blood, sweat, and tears soaked the dirt of those who could no longer take it
    weak bodies relentlessy try to save them, knowing what theyll be faced with
    brutally taken from fields, hundreds at a time are packed in lamenting rooms
    where bullets unload, & those who live suffocate painfuly from venting fumes
    Wow, this was definantly my fav. part

    Keep droppin fam, look forward to more.

    Peep these please:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296001
    ^First collab ever done this way I believe
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294102
    ^The Devils Apprentice

  6. #6
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    this shouldn't be slept on this.It was a very good peice but these bastards round here tend to sleep on anything lol.The imagery in this peice was very very good it kept me wondering what will happen next and made me read on to find out.You explained everythin with immense detail and it came out very well.You structured your peice well,it was easy to read and flowed well in most places but in others there were some words that seemed force and knocked the flow off a little bit. The topic you chose is an original one and I really enjoyed the fresh concepts that you came up with......your vocabulary was also very good which made your peice more complex,and as a result of that,made it a lot better. Nice work dude,keep dropping.

    Blood, sweat, and tears soaked the dirt of those who could no longer take it
    weak bodies relentlessy try to save them, knowing what theyll be faced with
    brutally taken from fields, hundreds at a time are packed in lamenting rooms
    where bullets unload, & those who live suffocate painfuly from venting fumes
    ^I also think that this was the best part of your drop.

    props dude keep it up

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  7. #7
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    ^^Thanx for the feedback..

    Still would like some more..

    will return the favor

    just hit me up

    peace
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  8. #8
    Cole World
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    this shit was pretty good... it was a good topic... it was like u dug real deep on information bout tha topic... sum niggas dont kno shit bout tha topic... shouldnt be slept on... all of it was pretty good no favorite part but keep it up.

  9. #9
    this was tight. i loved it..it was nice to follow due to the excellent flow continusely throughout this peice....good rhymes and multies throughout......nice strucutre..imagery was dope for real...nice vocab and complexity...and overall this was a very good peice..keep it up...

  10. #10
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    Thanx for the kind words...

    ...i will try to RTF's as soon as i can.

    thank you
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  11. #11
    T.P
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    Okay ill get what i thought was wrong with the piece out of the way first. . the way your piece is written with the lines being as long as they are is cool but only when the lines are swimming with internals. . Becasue imo, when your reading long lines like that they become boring if you dont have the internals to provide the flow that will keep a reader intrested, its hard to explain what i mean. . i can see you have SOME internals, but not enough. . Sorry if you dont see what i mean, if we were speeking in person it would be a whole lot easier to explain

    But yeh, thats the only flaw i can pick in this written to behonest. You had the imagery packed in there and your descriptions didnt just become pointless rambles like most writers do. . nice concept. great piece

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...48#post4576348

    Gimee some feed on that

  12. #12
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    I'll Come Back And Leave Feed SOOn

  13. #13
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    ^^ya...this piece i didnt rlly focus on internals n stuff..i just focused more on the content....i understand greatly....
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  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Yeah internals are overated anyways. They mess up diction in a piece, by the way the diction in this was aalmost flawless. The intro was beautiful in a gory way. The way the words meshed the image above and extended beyond it. I really felt the picture come alive, like the bodies were actually groaning. This is something thats important about these pictures topicals, making the picture come real. Nice flip overall to the piece man and the low internal usage was okay cause you ahd great diction.

    RTF Please:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294859

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  15. #15
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    omfg, this piece is crazy. i feel like shit for not trying as hard as you did on my piece now lol. this was a really nice piece. the storyline, everything, it was so horrificly true and the burdens on these peoples shoulders were brought to a meaning in this OM. you really took it to town here, and it looks to me like SOMEBODY'S lookin' to be OM HoF .. this was deffinatly worthy in my eyes, the flow was near flawless after the beginning (which honestly threw me off in some parts) ..then, you got to the MAIN part, the filling of the story, and it was so amazing. each word collided right into the next, they just seemed like a new language the way they were written. dunno, if its just me, someone say it. but i think it was hott ..good job

    be sure and look at my last piece, Motivated Killers ..thanks for the read Spekz.

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