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Last edited by Illus'; November 23rd, 2008 at 02:46 PM
I would seriously like some feed back shees.
VERY nicely written. i don't understand this sleeping bullshit in OM, where only the noobs get feed, but i'm trying to help.
This piece was very original, i've never seen a topic or perspective like it. the words deffinatly went together pretty well. my favorite part was probably this ..
Falling stars none to wish, hoping it'll end quickly.
The demise of many when judgement plagues swiftly.
Men become animals a cannibal mental birth beast of fields.
No where to run or hide can't cope or deal.
Spirit feels oblique, awkward openings for demon seeds.
eyes gray sheeted , left veil cause God leaves.
particularly because you related so many different things. you compared things that shouldn't be compared, a bold move on your part. they don't relate but at the same time they do. You are more of an emotionalist, which there isn't many of on this site. I love what you do, so just keep doin' it. if you ever want some feed on ANYTHING, i'd love to read it.
Thanks for this read man, i'm sorry i didn't go all out on this breakdown, as there is SO MUCH MORE that i could say about your piece, but just know. It was hot, and i really enjoyed reading it. Thanks,
- Nash
Wow...Don't even know how to give some critism to this. Very good writin, your describing the bad thats going on now in a sort of biblical/mythological text.
^That was awesome, lol.-Pearly gates perfection is stained-Human eyes can't see-
Worship to envy, evolved an ancient enemy, war was released.
Grief flourishes grasping the soul of a beast. Warn to heed
a nine headed thief from a cracked pearl. Demon seethe
from the blue to ocean's blue seeping through peaks, and
streams-naiad lurking to whom it'll devour with deceitful schemes.
I think a little to demonic and Religeous for my style, but then again, I could'nt ever write a piece like this. Vocabulary was used wickedly and the whole structure aligned almost perfectly. Although, sometimes it kind of shifts from a, umm, 'Saying (Quoting)', to a poem, or story rhyme. But what the hell, that was nice, great piece!
Seriously appreciate the feed from both of you guys.
and word to Nash I will let you know when I drop another.
I would appreicate more feed from others purtty please.
I just pressed sopmething on my keyboard that made me go back, and now ive got to type my reply all over again =/ Fuckinkjhfuihfjkbfjkfb
Okay. . so this was from your battle with Esco?. . you deffinitly proved your not all talk. . ill go check if it is from that in a min
okay so ill just get to feedin
Poor care takers of an earthly gift
hence a swift flick of an eye, humanity is at risk.
Erebus freed, devils, demons feasting on beings.
Culture at risk new norms of the Triple Six.
Plight of wickedness sworn war of bedevilment.
Aids is a spec when the harness is set,
Horsemen from famine to death.
Sun rays diminish, night is given, black emitted.
Wind bitten, poison blown, unfortunate sifted.
Clever vixens rippin souls of many men.
Falling stars none to wish, hoping it'll end quickly.
The demise of many when judgement plagues swiftly.
Men become animals a cannibal mental birth beast of fields.
No where to run or hide can't cope or deal.
Spirit feels oblique, awkward openings for demon seeds.
eyes gray sheeted , left veil cause God leaves.
You'll be left confused lost broken and batter,
cold and blue not from winter pinch but the devil's dagger.
Anti-Christ reborn, torn inward becoming possessed.
Heads taking it's mark is damned to death.
Can't obviate what's set in stone, can't alleviate.
darkness paying for their foolish ways.
IMO for writers to produce an original drop with this type of subject they have to have somekind of mad imagination. . i think you showed how good of a writer you arein this stanza above alone. . the emotion in every word was just great and the imagery and imagination just simply dope
Your last stanza was cool.. not as good as that one. Not for the most part anyway. i still liked how you managed to stick to your storyline and include some spoken wordin there to
Nailed to a cross, I give you my word (bible) yet it gets tossed
I hatehow you put the word bible in the brackets in there. . that line was mad creative and i think you spoilt it by doing that. . kinda like a newb text head explaining there battles lineslol j/p
Just your faith is at bay, even you can admit don't deny
WORD
Great piece Illus. . . *Chants IJL*
*Smiles*
ty for the feed appreciate it Proph..
feed me more...Im hungry
Bang
I got 3 feeds nah not enough
want more feed please.
and I will leave feed on you guys work
lazy people suck.
Up..
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