Fear of an After Life... (WOP Semi Finals)

Fear of an After Life

...Father & daughter took to the Santa Monica Pier
to celebrate her tenth Birthday. Love between the
two filled the affair, though smiles quickly disolved
as gunshots rang out in the air. Forced to relive an
event for eternity after leaving a life in despair...

Failing hearts pump the last of our earthly ties
Cries from those once loved betray our waking eyes…

Headline news, slain in a pool of rouge…
…gun powder fresh on my breath
Garnet rivers run warm as my flesh quivers…
…under a swarm of death
Fade to black, lungs pierced by the fierce…
…projectiles ripping though my back
Coughed up blood & guts stain boardwalks…
…where the tide talks of my attack
Killed in full view, my child’s world…
…is a picture of insanity
‘Father shot’ while daughter watched…
…a snapshot of calamity!
She held my hand as I passed into another…
…world of regret
The last words I heard were slurred by her…
…“Daddy please don’t leave yet”
It killed me to see her fade so swift as I bleed…
…and went ever so stiff
She screamed & beat her little bloody fists…
…hard onto my chest
No matter how hard she drummed she couldn’t…
…bring me back from my rest
I died tragically that day, while my daughter…
…tried frantically to save me
She called out to God & begged for my safety...
..."Dad, don't you die, I'm still just a baby"
Balloons in one hand whilst tears poured for...
...the man that she favored
Her heart now corrupted, she erupted...
…in devastated behavior
Grotesque images of her fathers murder…
…will forever haunt her
The bullets fired from an assailant’s gun…
…will forever taunt her
Police pulled her from my lifeless clutch…
…sobbing uncontrollably
She kissed me goodbye and stood strong…
…in attempt at consoling me

In a pool of my own creation I lay
Forever reliving my most tragic day…

Eternal occupant of Dante’s vision…
…of life after death
Trapped in ‘The Devine Comedy’, everyday…
…I take my last breath
I stay tortured on rewind losing my kid…
…for an eternity
Stuck in an after life where I can’t hold my girl tight…
…trust it’s disturbing me
Everyday I see my daughters’ precious face in dismay…
…as I’m spitting up blood
Her last words always the same, but I can’t return…
…her gesture of love
Slumped over a display of torn flesh…
…where I fall it’s a curtain call
It’s hurtin ya’ll but it’s certain law, the scene will replay…
...& I’m forced to relive it all
The devastation in her eyes only kills me…
…a million times
& a million lines would never describe…
…the pain in this rhyme
Leaving my child in disarray without…
…saying goodbye
Slain on the very day I created…
…that gleam in her eye
A birthday gone ever so wrong,…
…so I die in this Hell forever
Place a candle where I fell & I’ll keep that flame lit…
…w/the last memory of us together
I died the moment I lost you, but I’d die a million deaths…
...if I ever forgot you
& to burn and rot in Hell, sure is a blessing…
…once put to comparison
Fear of an after life without you…
…is the only thing this father is stressing!

A father caught in his own personal Hell
Tormented by the scene on the spot where he fell

...A man haunted by his past leaves this world
the one way he always feared. Eventually his
demons caught up to him and stripped him of
life that day on the Pier. He lived forever looking
over his shoulder, dead now on the day his baby
turned another year older...

Fear of an After Life

-By: Bounce

Replied to poethics collab and Mr. E's (avalons verse)

I already said what I needed to say about this...

But...

Bump!

And...good luck in WoP's Final.

See ya there!

Wow.

This was amazing. The story was amazing, and didnt get boring which kept me reading despite the length. The flow was flawless throughout, and the vocab was exceptional. But the thing that really stood out for me was the story ..I've read a few of ur verses and this is a little bit of a style change for you, and I think it pulled off nicely. I cant find anything wrong with it, great piece, great read, and keep it up.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268657
^ Feed would be appreciated.

thanks

DAMN this was dope...your flow was incredible in this as well as your creative storyline..you>eminem when it comes to a piece about daughters haha..your structure and breakdown of the story was very helpful to absorb what you just read (in my opinion)..your vocab was fair, but with your structure like that..big words would kind of mess with the structure a bit..i also liked your wordplay you added in a few areas..nicely done with that Dante's Inferno shit..my favorite part was:
"Slumped over a display of torn flesh…
…where I fall it’s a curtain call
It’s hurtin ya’ll but it’s certain law, the scene will replay…
...& I’m forced to relive it all
The devastation in her eyes only kills me…
…a million times
& a million lines would never describe…
…the pain in this rhyme"
^^that had a DOPE flow..and the emotion was great..

overall this piece was amazing, i really enjoyed reading this..keep writing!oNE

please return some feed in my OM: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268442

DAMN this was dope...your flow was incredible in this as well as your creative storyline..you>eminem when it comes to a piece about daughters haha..your structure and breakdown of the story was very helpful to absorb what you just read (in my opinion)..your vocab was fair, but with your structure like that..big words would kind of mess with the structure a bit..i also liked your wordplay you added in a few areas..nicely done with that Dante's Inferno shit..my favorite part was:
"Slumped over a display of torn flesh…
…where I fall it’s a curtain call
It’s hurtin ya’ll but it’s certain law, the scene will replay…
...& I’m forced to relive it all
The devastation in her eyes only kills me…
…a million times
& a million lines would never describe…
…the pain in this rhyme"
^^that had a DOPE flow..and the emotion was great..

overall this piece was amazing, i really enjoyed reading this..keep writing!oNE

^ What a dumb ass

bounce this was pretty good. it had vocab an imagery. it was like i was there feelin what they was feelin. it was a long read but it was worth it. it also flowed very well. this was just an outstandin peice. can't wait to read ya next thread. oh yeah could you check out this is my life feat. noncentz

Man ya made thats shit hard to stop readin even though it was long nice dude


votes needed: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268198

Sick...but for some reason I couldnt pick out the flow.

But that just me.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268944

yeah fosho.. i dont really like bounce much.. but i read this earlier at home and it was sure a nice piece.. maybe one of the best short story type verses i seen in a minute..
rythym was dynamic and constant.. imagery was yea!... interesting mettas n phrases throughout..................i've wrote slightly poems in this style b4.. different concepts tho.. n i dont usually go for the deep love attached mushy stuff.. but you put some good twists on this ish...so yeah

haps it should b nominated for somewhere.. i dont know if OM hof is best tho.. maybe poetry hof if there is 1

1

^ It's not poetry, it's a topical verse, for our topical tournie. All my verses are written for audio, so if you put this to a beat and record it's a song, which all topical's should be. I don't know what you mean by you don't like me much? As in just me or my writting? I don't even know you, so I'm assuming it's something I've done, maybe banned someone your cool with?

Now about OM HoF, I'm not concerned with that, this verse got me into the WOP finals and that alone is greater than any OM Hof nom, hell Hof has fell off big time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bounce

^ It's not poetry, it's a topical verse, for our topical tournie. All my verses are written for audio, so if you put this to a beat and record it's a song, which all topical's should be. I don't know what you mean by you don't like me much? As in just me or my writting? I don't even know you, so I'm assuming it's something I've done, maybe banned someone your cool with?

Now about OM HoF, I'm not concerned with that, this verse got me into the WOP finals and that alone is greater than any OM Hof nom, hell Hof has fell off big time.

---

WOW YOUR AN ASS EATING PUSSY.. I BET IT WAS YOU WHO BANNED VORTEX...JUST FOR MAKING THESE CRITICAL COMMENTS.. THIS IS NOT FUCKING AUDIO STYLE FUCK OFF

AND KEEP BANNING PEOPLE FOR NOTHING JUST COZ THEY CRITISISE YOUR BULLSHITTY SOFT ASS POEMS,, GO HEAD N BAN ME AS WELL... I


FUCKING IDIOT

I DONT LIKE YOU EITHER COZ YOU THINK U DA SHIT.. AND LETS FACE IT... YOU AINT SHIT


1 YA MOM

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Vortex

yeah fosho.. i dont really like bounce much.. but i read this earlier at home and it was sure a nice piece.. maybe one of the best short story type verses i seen in a minute..
rythym was dynamic and constant.. imagery was yea!... interesting mettas n phrases throughout..................i've wrote slightly poems in this style b4.. different concepts tho.. n i dont usually go for the deep love attached mushy stuff.. but you put some good twists on this ish...so yeah

haps it should b nominated for somewhere.. i dont know if OM hof is best tho.. maybe poetry hof if there is 1

1

---

AND NO I'D NEVER BEEN BANNED B4 THIS NAME.. UNTILL YOU MUGZ JUST DID SO 4 NO GOOD REASON...FUCKING ASS BANDITS

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bounce

^ It's not poetry, it's a topical verse, for our topical tournie. All my verses are written for audio, so if you put this to a beat and record it's a song, which all topical's should be. I don't know what you mean by you don't like me much? As in just me or my writting? I don't even know you, so I'm assuming it's something I've done, maybe banned someone your cool with?

Now about OM HoF, I'm not concerned with that, this verse got me into the WOP finals and that alone is greater than any OM Hof nom, hell Hof has fell off big time.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Merkaman

WOW YOUR AN ASS EATING PUSSY.. I BET IT WAS YOU WHO BANNED VORTEX...JUST FOR MAKING THESE CRITICAL COMMENTS.. THIS IS NOT FUCKING AUDIO STYLE FUCK OFF

AND KEEP BANNING PEOPLE FOR NOTHING JUST COZ THEY CRITISISE YOUR BULLSHITTY SOFT ASS POEMS,, GO HEAD N BAN ME AS WELL... I


FUCKING IDIOT

I DONT LIKE YOU EITHER COZ YOU THINK U DA SHIT.. AND LETS FACE IT... YOU AINT SHIT


1 YA MOM

---

I don't know what you're talking about here, I didn't ban vortex, I think he's a good addition to the OM forum, unlike so many others. Dude you must not know me, because you are completly off base here. I could care less of you like me or not, I'm sorry to disapoint you. I'm the last person you should call an idiot, so don't go there, I'm proven here when you are just trying to fit in. Trust me, everything I do is audio, so don't tell me that my shit ani't audio style, lmfao at you for that one.

Edit: Vortex was banned for cheating, so fuck you I had nothing to do with it, one of our SM's did it.

Well I just looked into it and merkaman is also attached to your IP, so this is vortex coming in here and talking shit after another mod banned him for using these alias to vote for himself. Duh, I had nothing to do with it man. Lmmfao at you now. How sorry can people be, then haVIGN THE NUTS TO SAY i'M LOUSY, LMAO.

wow bounce i had 2 read it over and over again nice flow, good structure, and u sticked 2 the topic: overall 10/10 cuzz it was dope.pz.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by YungVik

wow bounce i had 2 read it over and over again nice flow, good structure, and u sticked 2 the topic: overall 10/10 cuzz it was dope.pz.

---

I went to vote for you but i didnt have enough posts (You need 100)

Don

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268944

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DonOwnsYou

I went to vote for you but i didnt have enough posts (You need 100)

Don

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268944

---

Thanks for the support, but yeah unless you've been around and can detial your vote well it problably wouldn't have counted anyway. It's cool, I appreciate the support though.

I laready read this in the WOP semi's but this deserves a second look as an open mic piece. Again, this was great work Bounce, you took a dope take on the topic you were given and created a great story which moved at just the right pace. The imagery was the strongest part of this, the events which unfolded and the location change in the middle of the piece made for interesting reading. I felt the narrators pain at his death and punishment which followed. The vocab wasn't overly strong but that didn't matter. This was a great piece, Hall of Fame worthy.

Keep posting.

thank you kind sir, your input is appreciated

so why did vortex get banned again. he put out some very good threads. if it was for cheatin you need to check other peeps for that shit too. i think the only reason he would have to cheat is cause no body gives a fuck anymore about givin feed so someone needs to do somethin to get peeps to give feed. an i'm not hatin bounce i just think that he should've got a warning first then you ban him off the site. but hey i guess thats why i'm not a mod. so peace out dawg.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by big j da fat boy

so why did vortex get banned again. he put out some very good threads. if it was for cheatin you need to check other peeps for that shit too. i think the only reason he would have to cheat is cause no body gives a fuck anymore about givin feed so someone needs to do somethin to get peeps to give feed. an i'm not hatin bounce i just think that he should've got a warning first then you ban him off the site. but hey i guess thats why i'm not a mod. so peace out dawg.

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I'm not the one who banned him, and trust anyone caught voting on thier won battles under an alias is banned. There is no second chance for that kind of shit, if you do that for a fucking battle then we don't need you here. One our SM's was alerted and found the information to be true, so he ws banned. You shouldn't be worried about it, we handle this kind of shit daily, I don't care how good people think they are. We have had this hapen to much to take anyone who does this serious..

aight well you gotta do what you gotta do i understand. just keep doin ya job an writin rymes like this it was pretty good like i said before

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bounce

I'm not the one who banned him, and trust anyone caught voting on thier won battles under an alias is banned. There is no second chance for that kind of shit, if you do that for a fucking battle then we don't need you here. One our SM's was alerted and found the information to be true, so he ws banned. You shouldn't be worried about it, we handle this kind of shit daily, I don't care how good people think they are. We have had this hapen to much to take anyone who does this serious..

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fuck that vortex diddnt vote 4 himself as an alias,, he merely voted against sum dude named wordplay.. and then beat him 3 times in the same battle.. after wordplay kept re opening complaining of votes by people he battled b4.. after losing 3 times.. he used his last resort of gettin vortex dq'd by any menas nessassary.. and begged modifications for a win and .. thing is wordplay and bignash started all the hate voting against vortex from a while back.. vortex made the 1st complaint.. wordplay pleaded with vortex to battle him.. then tried claiming vortex had 5-6 battles open.. like marvgay did.. this diddnt work this time around.. if you check battle modifications.. you'll see wordplay making 100+ accusations against half of FL voters... wordplay even hate voted in a vortex battle b4 marvgay even dropped his verse.. and then came back and voted again.. if vortex is banned..wordplay should be banned also

1


wordplays swaying votes.. he freeposts a few times in vortex battle right here

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=267573

and that wasnt the 1st time

Like I said I was not the one that banned him, so I don't understand why you people keep coming into my thread and questioning the banning. I had absolutley nothing to do with it! Wordplay was banned along with a host of other alias linked to opne account.

Up!

up!

This was pretty good, i liked the flow and imagery used, plus the storyline was good and kept me wanting ta read till the end, twas lenghty but i believe ya had a lot ta express in this and ya did ya job well.......

Oh yeah, if ya got time can ya check this OM, thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268538

thanks