Pitch Black

I switch my hips, and drink in the glances
chance dances with fate, making my heart beat change
i can't manage to control the damage though
my aura enhanced by glow, and i'm aware that it shows
hair bouncing down the hall, guys smile my way
but i die inside under words they dont hide to say
pried at my pride my grip gives way under jeers
my self confidence non existant because of my peers
fear of rejection keeps me from showing a grin
happiness never steadfast, blown away in the wind
trying to find myself in a hall of mirrors, this dark scape
casts in everlast, i bathe and wade in heartbreak
my mother gave me a skin tone dark as the night
and i happen to hate the way my smile and eyes
cast shining contrasts to this midnight mask
this moment this might last..until i return to him
collapse in embrace look at his face and turn within
see the light of my passion for passing the glances
passing the dances with disgrace at my skin tone
this face, its home, holds back tears and fears of rejection
until i return to him, unphased by the hurt inside
his pride shining on me, he smiling at the fact
kissing away the tears and singing an apology
an apology for the world's glances, chances usually lack
the pitch of the song he sings for me, a song of beautiful black
1luv.

...uppp

Complex, loved the rhyming.

You've gotten better I think since I was on last.

I applaud your work still. Hows life treatin you man?

.....

Thanks Bloom master Quist appreciate the read, and im doin pretty good...
and someone ban Enter Contest :)
elevation is key, 1luv.

i like the rhyming

I liked the rhymin gnad how you fit everything fit in. Good.

nice rhyming was spot on and it was a complex piece

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232603
^^hit that thankz

nice complex rhyming

...i hope u are all banned, elevation is key

This was a nice smooth read.. it would definitely make a very nice spoken piece. Quite a straightforward message, but powerful. I really liked the way you depicted the conflict that your character was obviously experiencing.. the sense that he was struggling with his identity; with his race and appearance. And the last two lines were great. I don't have much else to say. I liked this, man, good stuff.

Thanks Torque McPork but again why aren't any of the mods adressing the rampant freeposts in this forum?

I'm awaiting this in spoken word, as I feel it would better display your emotion. The written suits an oral presentation. I loved the non-excessive repitition towards the end. I'm usually not a fan of repitition, but you used it well. Keep writing...

complex. ILL i enjoyed this alot and it was good with structure and flow
very poetic lmfao
7/10
get better vocab

I dont normally post, I think thats obvious, but this written is worth some praise.

Im going to be redundant and say I liked the rhyming, but no so much as in the words but in so much as the flow. I got a soft spot for those quick rhyming packages like you have here. It really is well crafted rhyming. I also liked how vivid the piece was. I could picture what you were conveying, it brought the reader into your piece and thats key to a good work. Your dualism was also well defined. You see a lot of writers out there forget about it half way through their piece but you kept going back and making the distinction. Overall a well crafted work.




And I agree, there is rampant freeposting. It happens in all battle sites with distinction made on number of posts. Im sure the mods do what they can but people will do what people do best, break the rules.

^Thanks Mocha, appreciate is ma

And thanks Li Bo the replies are greatly appreciated, elevations is key, 1luv

damn that shit is hard. i guess i never appreciated poetry enough. i'm kinda interested in it after ive been reading it

This is def. a good piece by you, the imagery...and style that you have layed down was just impactful and i am glad to be in an prescense of a true artist...well done


Check out my poetry


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=233909

^What he said, man i can't believe i missed this, i remember when u first dropped this in IE i thought this piece was astonuding cause u were able to remove yourself from"yourself" and put yourself in the shows of this dark skinned girl and you were able to articulate the emotions soo good, great job Prince
-Fiasco