How Can I Smile.. (the whole song) updated

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July 23rd, 2005, 11:41 AM
The Vortex

How Can I Smile.. (the whole song) updated

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I was born on April morning screaming already dreaming of anarchy
Panicky pulse beating frantically…I see ghosts’ close by my cradle
Fatal like unearthing a curse, they excerpt a recital of the bible in reverse
Now I’m stuck in the 1st-dimension; exiled from heaven for ill sinful-lust
Separated from the spiritual… & placed in the essence of virtual-dust.
Thought I could trust father till he moved house, my emotions left torn
Sworn to depression by ilk-of-vows; I’m fed nutrition via milk-of-cows’
I formed vowels & consonants: shaping prose with poetical substance
Mental conscience grows applying science, standing on shoulders of giants
So I can view the horizon as the red-suns-rising I wizen to the pains of life,
I’m stabbed in the back on occasions; congealed-blood stains the knife
Inspiration drains from my veins, brain-state changing lanes like schizoids’
I harness the null-and-void, toyed with the scheme of suicide as a young boy
Now my one joy is writing these verses, everything else about me is worthless
Searching for true meaning & purpose a surplus reason for even breathing air,
I try to believe in prayer: “Lord is you there?” I’m dying of despair, & it hurts,
Tried crying but the dam won’t burst! My plan of works is a sham at best
……………..……...So go head lay me in the land at rest………………………

How can I smile?
My face would probably split,
How can I smile?
Fuck a bad-day I seen a whole life of shit
How can I smile?
When I’m stuck right here in the pit,

Expressions vary from foul to vile; I’m virtually dead so how can I smile
While the world fucking whirls without me even playing a part
Dark-clouds in my pathway, I’m halfway to no-place
These words are my showcase; I’m unable to show-face
Wasting days dazed on dope dosages, vultures await my carcass
A fate darker than midnight my existence is myth-like
Just want to live-life, I sift solemn visions… the gift of insight…
To incite true- intentions’, fighting regiments of demonic phantoms’
Throwing untamed eclectic tantrums, I go distraught as Van Goth
Working my hands off scribing these thoughts of mayhem
Its grey grim, grafting conceptual matter trynna stay prim
Sink-or-swim I drink raw sin in the form of Alco-pops
Performing twisted plots, roaming Hells dungeons with agitated deeds,
And my heart it bleeds needs love, but can’t seem to give some
I dream of green pastures serene rivers’, an icon of winsome
Still I’m convinced that these tensions will kill me eventually
Mortally mauling me limb-from-limb, my vision fading, as lights turn dim.

How can I smile?
My face would probably split,
How can I smile?
Fuck a bad-day I seen a whole life of shit
How can I smile?
When I’m stuck right here in the pit,

__________________

Linkages

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214331

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214169

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214192
July 23rd, 2005, 03:13 PM
The Vortex

iite up the feedback NOW!

nominate this shit.. STOP fucking about
July 25th, 2005, 07:18 AM
The Vortex

not even a comment

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July 25th, 2005, 08:20 AM
street-play

pretty dope piece man..had good imagrey multi's were off the hook..structure and order off events were overall pretty spot on and all in all pretty nice work keep droppin hop to see more from you ight...

can you hit my OM in my sig pz..1
July 25th, 2005, 09:55 AM
The Vortex

good looks

uppings
July 26th, 2005, 10:47 AM
The Vortex

bump^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
July 26th, 2005, 11:24 AM
The Vortex

fosho fosho
July 26th, 2005, 01:18 PM
The Vortex

^lol

any feedback
July 26th, 2005, 02:47 PM
Artik Phrost

iLL drop....ya imagery and multis meshed together real good....

a few quotables:

How can I smile?
My face would probably split,
How can I smile?
Fuck a bad-day I seen a whole life of shit
How can I smile?
When I’m stuck right here in the pit,

^one of the most thought out hooks ive seen

Expressions vary from foul to vile; I’m virtually dead so how can I smile
While the world fucking whirls without me even playing a part
Dark-clouds in my pathway, I’m halfway to no-place
These words are my showcase; I’m unable to show-face
Wasting days dazed on dope dosages, vultures await my carcass
A fate darker than midnight my existence is myth-like
Just want to live-life, I sift solemn visions… the gift of insight…
To incite true- intentions’, fighting regiments of demonic phantoms’
Throwing untamed eclectic tantrums, I go distraught as Van Goth
Working my hands off scribing these thoughts of mayhem
Its grey grim, grafting conceptual matter trynna stay prim
Sink-or-swim I drink raw sin in the form of Alco-pops
Performing twisted plots, roaming Hells dungeons with agitated deeds,
And my heart it bleeds needs love, but can’t seem to give some
I dream of green pastures serene rivers’, an icon of winsome
Still I’m convinced that these tensions will kill me eventually
Mortally mauling me limb-from-limb, my vision fading, as lights turn dim.

^deep stuff there...love the feel and emotion in this....

overall...pretty kew...gives me hope for the free flow talent on here....
July 26th, 2005, 05:09 PM
sILLable

very ill kid...i loved tha imagery you incorporated in this piece...your vocab and your wordplay...your rhyme scheme...everything was so on point...i really enjoyed this piece....keep droppin tha hottness.~1~
July 27th, 2005, 07:21 AM
The Vortex

thanx ArtiK & Diverse

ups
July 27th, 2005, 10:50 AM
warchild

Shit son this was crazy nice it even impressed me and im an arrogant bastard haha the vocab and wordplay was excellent really helped the imagery of this piece. The structure was fine, the first few bars the flow was basic but then you stepped it up with sick multies so i was feeling this piece a lot.
I really liked everything about this piece really impressive deep shit.
There was too many lines to quote but these were my favourites:
I formed vowels and consanants shaping prose with poetical substance
Mental conscience grows applying science standing on shoulder of giants
So i can view the horozion as the red suns rising i wizen to the pains of life
Im stabbed in the back on occasions congealed blood stains the knife

^Dope, great piece keep writing.
July 27th, 2005, 12:08 PM
six milez

gladd you put the rest of the shit up here i was waiting on it . As usual you always come hard with punches multis and vocab just keep up the good work and ill keep reading them
July 28th, 2005, 10:29 AM
The Vortex

thanks yo for the quotes

bump
July 28th, 2005, 03:43 PM
NuM-WuN

i liked this piece alot, had some nice vocab, multis, flow, imagery, all of it...your flow really stood out which i really liked, i was hooked with the second verse alot and your hook was crazy..great job man
July 29th, 2005, 11:41 AM
The Vortex

thanx yo

bumpers
July 30th, 2005, 10:17 AM
The Vortex

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^
July 30th, 2005, 10:31 AM
Alize59

Yo this piece was crazy. Everything was on point and perfect. Da imagery was excellent, your flow was great, n ur multis and wordplay was crazy. I enjoyed readin diz a lot so keep droppin em and keep up da good work. 1
July 30th, 2005, 11:00 AM
The Vortex

thanks^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^66
July 31st, 2005, 06:35 PM
CrazyCarl

Good concept, chorus was solid. The rhyming was a strength, you used internals and multi-syllable rhyming to keep the long lines flowing. Structure was fine, the second verse had a different feel meter-wise. The emotion was good, and you worked in wordplay as well.
August 1st, 2005, 08:47 AM
The Vortex

good looking out yo.. i actualy wrote the 2nd verse bout a week b4 da 1st...

bumpers
August 1st, 2005, 09:05 AM
six milez

yo ive read this whole piece three times now i guess and it was hotter the last time i read it which was a few seconds ago.. but as allways nice wordplay, beautiful wordplay, and nice imagry just keep the suspense thing comeing and that will win people everytime...
August 2nd, 2005, 12:09 PM
The Vortex

thanx yo i preciate it

bumps
August 2nd, 2005, 12:39 PM
The Vortex

thanx yo i preciate it

bumps
August 2nd, 2005, 12:43 PM
Tha Reason

it was TIGHT dogg
Check out my song
I Hate 2.B.A Problem/ Maybe we can do a song together
August 3rd, 2005, 10:58 AM
The Vortex

fosho
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
August 6th, 2005, 09:24 AM
The Vortex

last bump

milk the cow
August 18th, 2005, 11:32 AM
The Vortex

<<><><><><><
August 18th, 2005, 11:58 AM
BIOHASARD

pretty dope piece man..had good imagrey multi's were off the hook..structure and order off events were overall pretty spot on and all in all pretty nice work keep droppin hop to see more from you ight...

can you hit my OM in my sig pz..1
August 19th, 2005, 11:16 AM
The Vortex

good looks out Bio

i cant see no OMS in yo sig tho
August 20th, 2005, 05:32 PM
GhettoMike

"...your vocab and your wordplay...your rhyme scheme...everything was so on point...i really enjoyed this piece...."

Exactly.. everything was on point, very well written, just had great structure. wasnt that most enjoyable peice ive ever read, but a very well written one

P.S hit me up on a om in my sig?
August 21st, 2005, 08:53 AM
The Vortex

good looks out yo fosho
August 22nd, 2005, 11:40 AM
The Vortex

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
August 22nd, 2005, 01:15 PM
Lock-Down

yo that piece was real interesting keep up the good work.
August 22nd, 2005, 01:50 PM
TProphet

loved it,

multis, flow, your point... etc etc, everything was put across very well, kept me intrested throughout, nice

would be cool if you read tha piece that im about to drop
August 22nd, 2005, 03:52 PM
The Vortex

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lock-Down

yo that piece was real interesting keep up the good work.

?????? alil more next time

up