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Last edited by Sobe; November 11th, 2013 at 10:32 PM
She said I could sleep on the couch
By 2 am, I was diggin her out
Last edited by Sobe; July 23rd, 2005 at 07:53 PM
She said I could sleep on the couch
By 2 am, I was diggin her out
whats good dogg . . . you got the passion man, word is bond. the only thing i would suggest workin on a bit is your vocab, your word play and rhym scheme are good, but the vocab needs to be distinct, that what seperates a lot of rappers, what words they use to express an idea, so if you use common words it lets off how important a peice can be, and i can tell this some real shit, other than that man you on a good path, keep up the good work. - respect-
O.S.
word..i try to keep it simple and easy to understand so i try not to be too complicated....i wrote this to a beat so yeah..
i'll improve on that..
up.
She said I could sleep on the couch
By 2 am, I was diggin her out
it's a pain he can't explain.his brain's been torn
ripped up,kicked away.he doesn't matter no more.
^best lines.
I liked this, It was easy to understand.. nothing much to elevate on, just a solid piece. I think you cudda used some meta's, but you kept it simple.. the only thing I didn't like was how you rushed ending some of the paragraphs, some didn't flow from one to another easily.
Stay Up, Pz.
try enlarging the font for a start.. pretty decent this rhyme relates to me in places
pretty decent flow kept going by the inner rhymes and shit... cud do with sum nice multies & wordplays
a bit too short
just maybe needs a little more depth and rawness in the content to give it a hardcore effect..
overall decent drop
stay raising
pz
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yea, it was well written piece.. not much to complain on or criticize about.. i always tend to like a little more complexion, but some people don't like that and wanna read simple stuff.. doesnt mean u need tht to be good, just helps. Flow was decent, maybe a bit forced at ends of some lines, but maybe that went with the beat, i dunno. But had a nice storyline, some good bars.. decent drop.. keep up
PandorasBox
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Second link's 404 not found.. fix it or this gets closed.
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fixed...
anyway thanks everyone and i'll try to follow your advice
She said I could sleep on the couch
By 2 am, I was diggin her out
That's deep... I feel rap needs to get back to the lessons and the I'll make you think theories... I hope you make it.
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