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Closed Off
The ones that I love can no longer reach out and connect
I have halted them, they cannot breach the wall that protects
I use it to keep vulnerability in check, so that harm is not direct
It thus can reflect, to another area where I can lessen effect
But what is correct, when I feel that emotionally I am a wreck
I expect to be released from the beck and call of those I respect
The price I pay to be closed off, is made as a defense strategy
For all the stress that arose often, battering my tense anatomy
With my knapsack packed, I am continually a threat to flee
A sacrifice, as the rest of my comrades cannot attach to me
They still try to match the strength of my mental barricade
And to defy the wall's length, to release me from this state
But eventually comply and relent, knowing they are too late
Believing that I will die content, and they want to relate
As a separated introvert is how I am accurately portrayed
But I am comfortable not being hurt, it's always been this way
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niiiice. i can relate to this verse completely. it was in my piece you read, "i stay hidden from society, some of us grab the noose when we grieve." i know what you mean, people can't be trusted.. at least from my experiences. i was feeling this, good emotion. a little lacking on the imagery though. flow was solid and vocab was pretty solid. these were the lines i felt most:
The price I pay to be closed off, is made as a defense strategy
For all the stress that arose often, battering my tense anatomy
With my knapsack packed, I am continually a threat to flee
A sacrifice, as the rest of my comrades cannot attach to me
damn, i know just how you feel too. not much to say about this.. it was wrote well and i really liked the content of it. keep writing and elevating, i'll look out for ya drops in the future.
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Nice drop...Very relatable...Flow was good throughout...Structure was also pretty good...Vocab was solid...Content was good and had some emotion in there to help convey your point...There could have been a little better imagery in there but I still felt what you were saying and could relate...All in all a good drop...Like I said, it's a very relatable piece...Keep up the good work and keep dropping...
If you want to return the favor, here’s a link to hit up...Thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=203930
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This was nice, the imagery and emotion stood out to me, the flow was good in the 1st couplet but then it went pretty basic.
But your vocab and imagery made the verse stand out, just try and keep the flow more consistent and your verses will be even nicer.
Reply to my new thread please:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205329
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Thanks, feedback has been returned.
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Dis is fuckin awesome.. I liked this one you're really good dude.. keep up the goodshit.. there'z really not much that I can say I don't think there was really anything wrong.. thr flow was right on time and everything else.. very good vocab to homie.. keep 'em comin'.... pce out....
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it was a dope verse and everything was real nice but the only thing that was to much for me is that you didnt change up the rhyme scheme that much and shit.. But overall the depth of this piece makes it so that peeps can relate to it.. Real nice job man..
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This was good very good nice drop keep doing what your doing
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This piece was........down right dope. Everythin was really good, structure, vocab, flow, everythin. I really like yo pieces man, keep em comin. 9.5/10
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dope piece, loved the vocab. and it spoke to me, pretty deep. some nice wordplay. also the imagery was good. keep elevatin'
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It Was Tight Good Job *Pats His Back With Pride*
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Thanks for the nom Akademic
uppin
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I gotta agree with everyone else. And this shit describes the hell outta me, LoL. I liked the topic, the rhyme scheme, and the use of words. I thought more creativity coulda been used, but we both know that aint a big deal. Keep your good shit comin, and I will keep readin... nice work hommie...
( plz return the favor and check " Dont Be Fooled " in the Open Mic )
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Man da flow was tight ...... and da word play was decent....sumtin like a dictionary
All in All it was tight
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One word....fantastic. this was an awesome drop. Keep doing this and ull be in the top 5 best on this site!! anyways flow id give a 8.5/10, rhymes id give 9/10, structure id give a 9.5/10, and vocab id give a 9.5 out of 10. so overall id give you a 9/10...awesome job. If i wanna know what i need to improve, ill check out one of your drops and find out how a real rap on RB is made. Incredible drop.
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Nice drop...Very relatable...Flow was good throughout...Structure was also pretty good...Vocab was solid...Content was good and had some emotion in there to help convey your point...There could have been a little better imagery in there but I still felt what you were saying and could relate...All in all a good drop...Like I said, it's a very relatable piece...Keep up the good work and keep dropping...
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Thanks Spokes and JJ.
Lick Wid, you copy and pasted MonStar's feedback.
Bump
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This piece was very well put together. It flowed real well and the vocab was very good. The words rhymed perfectly and under a constant and well rounded topic, which i can perfectly relate to. 9/10
