We Don't Care/Born to Kill and Queenstyle

On a fictional tip...

BTK
The way I’m feeling has me reeling, I can’t a soul tell...
Cuz I’m concealing secret meetings in this secluded hotel.
Someplace quiet, someplace safe, that doesn’t know my face...
It’s the only way fate lets me partake in her embrace.
I’m fake. A fraud...so good at lying I could earn applause.
Even I’m awed at what I’ll say to get to play with this broad.
We’re flawed is the perception, that’s our reason for deception...
If we married and you missed the wedding...
......................You’d mistake her for my daughter at reception.
But upon closer inspection, you’d see it’s real between us...
And no, we’re not the same age, but love don’t care bout convenience.
Now I know I’m no genius, but with our success, I flirt...
Mornings for her’ll mean college, for me they’ll mean work.
But what could hurt this old fool is the youth in her school...
Why go from vibrant to enlightened when learning’s the rule?
It’s a jewel to cherish, first time’s like marriage, but none of that’s new...
I’ve been there before, already know the score, anything with her’s a redo.
Yet I know I care, way more than I dare cuz her smile lights me up...
And it just feels brighter when I’m beside her...
...............................Thinking bout our ages...and not giving a fuck.

Queen
Age ain't nothin but a number, that can't change the way I feel
…So what if I'm young ? …. doesn’t mean my love ain't real
I come home from college, you come home from work
We 2 different people, but in the past we’ve been hurt
……He once had a wife, & I once had a man
it’s better to move on and start over again
……People always bother us because of age
not minding their business, filling my mind with rage
Every time I hold your hand, & every time I see your face
They won’t leave us alone, why cant they get off my case?
It doesn’t even matter, can’t they see that we don’t care
how can seeing two people in love be so much to bear?
Take me somewhere nice & quiet, baby take me out of town
I just wanna make love to you , baby let me love you down
One day we’ll find happiness with no one in the way
……..I’ll be wakin up beside you every night & day
We’ll be finally married, free and happy at last……
I made my own decisions ……without needing to ask
…………It’s only you & I , with no one to impress
always been the same, bout what they think I can care less

The End

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=203204&page=2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=203570

nice piece, i liked btk's part the most though, nice immagery and a better way of writing .. i feld the styles didnt match that well, but it didnt seem forced or any thing .. short but worth reading, nice collab

and queeny, try to ditch the simple rhyme sheme .. it was aight, but i could read btk has a more elevated style of writing

props.

Thanks for reading it...

Bump!

yea BTK's verse was a lil betta but my girl came correct too. Great concept and ya did it justice
BTK: Nice-vocab
imagery
Queen: Nice-flow
emotion


Vote battle against knuckles, u wont regret http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=203978

I liked the whole concept of the song. Both verses were equally respectable. BTK came a little harder with his. Keep on trying to perfect ya flow and never give up.

Yea, our styles are quite different,
mine is more simplistic and BTK's is
more advanced!


Always lookin' 4 more feedback!

yea thanks for giving me some feed bcak on my OM :)

:rolleyes:

I kinda liked this; wasn't crazy creative really, but not badly written at all. I would've liked more of a plot, although it had a story ... it was quite static really, not much actually happened, we got the background to the story, without any real details. I agree with UNiQuE that Queen's rhyme scheme's were quite bland as well. Decent shit though. Keep writing.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=203840

Thanx! More feedback. :)

Bumpity!

I said bump, damnnit!

Don't worry, more feed will come!

Doesn't look like it, sweetie!

People are lame in here...

this was an ill piece...i enjoyed reading it too.......i liked both verse no doubt......al in all the collab was ill....btk's verse was ill,i liked your complexity,but not too complex and your vocab was tight....i liked tha way you worded this..it flowed very smoothly....structure was tight.your verse was tight.....Queens verse was ill as well....i liked her vocab,even though it was a bit simpler and less complex it was still ill,i liked tha imagery both of you used in this piece.....structure was tight....all in all this piece was well put together and you both flowed together well.keep droppin tha hottness.~1~


maybe yall could critique a couple of my pieces, there gettin slept on, there in my sig,thanks.

Thanks, dude!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Born To Kill

Doesn't look like it, sweetie!

People are lame in here...

---

lol true...

But I'll try and get some of my peepz 2 leave feed!

this piece was a nice read, you emphasised the age thing very well, i felt Born was more complex with it while Queeny was to the point, a good combination.. the vocab was nice, thought it could've done with a bit more creativity. i liked the imagery of the comparisons, specially the coming home parts. good piece guys.

8/10

Born to Kill, this was very different from what I am use to you doing. Almost seemed like you was speaking from experience. Vocab was there, flow was consistant, and the way you explained the imagery, was very nice. No doubt this was an interesting read.

Queenstyle, your verse was consistant & simple. But this is proof, simplicity goes along way. Your verse was very interesting as well. Just like born to kill, seemed like you were speaking from experience. Although you didn't have drastic vocab, I enjoyed reading your piece. Keep it up baby girl.

Nice collab you two.

Thank you guys for the excellent feedback!
Finally this shit gets decent replies. :)

What's up you two...I thought this was a good collab...both of you brought different styles to the table with verses that still blended well in terms of doing justice to the topic...very nice...

BTK, you did an amazing job setting the scene and the mood of the piece...A lot of imagery in the hotel line and the lines that followed, really just made the reader feel a part of that secrecy and sort of 'taboo' situation that you were getting involved in...Your rhyme scheme was nearly flawless, smooth read all around...

"If we married and you missed the wedding...
......................You’d mistake her for my daughter at reception.
But upon closer inspection, you’d see it’s real between us...
And no, we’re not the same age, but love don’t care bout convenience.
Now I know I’m no genius, but with our success, I flirt...
Mornings for her’ll mean college, for me they’ll mean work."

That was the best part in my opinion, those lines, one right after another. Really nice job...

Queen...you put a nice feminine perspective on the piece...Trying to voice the independence of the young one in love...you did that well..There's definitely a lot of room for elevation as far as your overall rhyme scheme, but mostly I enjoyed reading your part also...These were my favorite lines from you:

"It doesn’t even matter, can’t they see that we don’t care
how can seeing two people in love be so much to bear?

One day we’ll find happiness with no one in the way
……..I’ll be wakin up beside you every night & day
We’ll be finally married, free and happy at last……
I made my own decisions ……without needing to ask"

Nice job.. :thumbup:

Makes me want to start posting on here again.

^ RB's 1st lady giving me feedback... DAYUM! Thanx sis.
You actually took the time to read it and feel it. Best feed.

yea, i thought this was a pretty awesome piece you two put together here. I think you've gotten more feedback in the past hour or so, then you did when first posted though. All is good. It deserves the feed...

B2k.. always comes nice, of everyone on rb always one of the nicest flows and ways of writing, atleast to me. Never been a OM that I wasn't really feeling. This here had nice lines, nice concepts.. everything about it was pretty nice. And Queen was pretty dope as well. A bit more simplistic (obvious), but I dont think things need to be complex to be good always. Good shit within the piece, nice flow, nice read overall.. one curious question though, is it at all true? I was just thinking that, doesn't have to be answered. Keep up..

Damn!

This came back to life...

Thanks, ya'll!

This was cool; wasn't that artistic really, but still not a bad written piece at all. There needed to be more to it though. The idea was there, but the nitty gritty was missing. Still a cool piece that i enjoyed reading. Oh, uh Queen's rhyme scheme's were kinda bland, still, cool shit . Keep writing.

^ lol hey! at least you're honest. Thanx!