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Thread: Confronting the Enemy

  1. #1
    The King
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    Confronting the Enemy

    I take a puff of this, inject, man, this high is like no other
    And I lie dormant in bliss, knowing I'd trade my own mother
    For a blast like this, some heroin pumping through my veins
    The morphine in my body, changing and stimulating my brain
    As I lose my train of thought, I see colors swirl, no purpose
    True happiness unfurled, no troubles, no problems to hurt this
    I know I was supposed to go to work today, know I have a baby
    In the bedroom, screaming, but tonight, the cries won't faze me
    My eyes will just blaze, see, first I have to look out for myself
    The drugs are good for my health, can't always focus on wealth
    Can't always worry about being rich, the stress is too much
    Can't waste time thinking either, that's a place I won't touch
    Can't face my wife right now, that bitch simply doesn't matter
    Neither does the fact I do crack with hepatitis in the bladder
    And the satisfaction seizes me, clearly the toxication pleases me
    The attraction of rapture from the drugs, it captures and teases me
    And reason be damned to Hell, I'm getting the experience, well
    It's worth the cancer spreading, I'm beheaded by dealers who sell

    He rises, surprised by the mirror, snot-covered face in the night
    Only his eyes show a soul confronting the enemy...
    and losing the fight

  2. #2
    The King
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    Last edited by Rex; June 19th, 2005 at 10:18 PM
    Wrecks.

  3. #3
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    Emotion was felt and it was easy to read because it flowed well... ussually you come strecthed with a nice rhymescheme... but now it wasn't stretched and it still had a nice rhymescheme. The vocab was put in well and the concept was interesting. The edning was hot and i felt the poetry of this verse. The imagery was nice and you came detailed. Not too long or not too short... pretty solid piece with a good message.
    Peace.

  4. #4
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    the imagry was great... you came at the topic VERY WELLL... i loved it...
    you had great flow too...flawless structure... great emotion... i wish you could stay so i could read more shit... this is elite shit... great man.... god damn...

    I guess i liked it so much because i felt you wrote fom experiance....
    everything you did in some way created an emotions... its like... a great movie... gladiator for example... it brings out many STRONG emotions that make you react a certain way to the to topic... you're peice did just that... im not 100% why but it did... incredable....
    Last edited by Spoken Deity; June 19th, 2005 at 10:38 PM

  5. #5
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    I thought that this was an ok piece...not your best by far
    however....
    Some lines were a bit long....but I liked the overall story...
    the concept was a bit played....however I liked how you
    ended it.....i thought the emotion and imagry were well
    done....emotion was better....overall this was a
    decent piece
    A few achievements here and there

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  6. #6
    The » Way
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    i liked the imagery... not bad peice here at all... i thought it could of flowed a little better... you know with some more multies... but i was still a great peice...

    good work.

  7. #7
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
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    Wow...

    This was a horribly depressing story about a wussy faggot of a man.

    Real nice descriptions of how far an addict will go.

    But damn, now I'm down...BITCH!

    Good flow, nice vocab...all that.

    But shit, your view of this was like watching Requiem for a Dream or The Boost...

    You can almost cop a visual of your character's pathetic life and habits...
    Even down to him probably pissing himself when he's really wasted cuz of his bladder problems...and the fuckhead don't care...as long as he's high, he's cool with it.
    Shit...his baby could be dying, he wouldn't care.

    Nice job describing something so bleak.

    I'm impressed.

    Peace

  8. #8
    The King
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    LOL... Thanks, BTK.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rex
    And the satisfaction seizes me, clearly the toxication pleases me
    The attraction of rapture from the drugs, it captures and teases me
    Damn, now that I read it over, this is the best part, rhymescheme wise.
    Last edited by Rex; June 21st, 2005 at 09:46 AM
    Wrecks.

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    i liked this piece alot i have to admit i havent seen much of your work but i like this it contained great imagery you can see clearly how pathetic this man trully is very nice piece rex great read keep it up

  10. #10
    Po'Ethics
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    BTK described my feelings about this well... I thought the emotion here was strong, the depressing outlook added to it, making it an entertaining read. However, this was by no means the best I've seen from you... You wrote well here, but I know you can do better. I'm more of a fan of the complex, surreal OMs, but I enjoy reading verses like this as it describes life, the way it is... I think you captured the essence of a weak human mind well here... I look forward to your next more complex piece...
    Po'Ethics Lives

  11. #11
    ******
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    wow.

    just wow.

    i think everyone just stated how good of a peice this is. i really enjoyed the read, thanks.
    - u n r e a L -
    . . . and yet still keep shit real

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    the one since '99

  12. #12
    :)
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    nice peice god.
    could have been longer.
    but great imagery and structure.
    also i loved the closing line. It showed this dude was human and not heartless although he puts drugs first.
    it was a nice flip on the concept, stretched to the point that the enemy is the guy himself.
    ..
    ..
    ..
    ..
    ..
    word

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  13. #13
    Err0r
    Guest
    whoa. very nice imagery, and rhymescheme.

    I think everyone explained how i feel about this, it was overall sick.
    Every bar kept me thinking, and knowing his thoughts. Nice drug addiction details
    by reading the title, i thought it would be different, nice on coming non-straight foward.

    Overall, very nice man, i hope to see more

    Pz.

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