Emerge - Acid Tears ALL FEEDBACK RETURNED

sometimes i sit alone on the brink of my throne
ears decieving leading me on the wink of a phone
but sometimes the sun rise just shows up a bit late
and those eyes of "oh nice" could just be a big fake
and everybody wanna turn they head lookin to the distance
yall using up a good thing i personify an incense
and then since . . . i learned to build my own fortress
with nothing more than acid tears reigning from an orphan
Rolling down his face while wishing opposite direction
A spitten image is a grimace lookin at reflections
I look like, I act like, I hook life then grab life
A book's night so facts might it bends like a graphite
What did I, do in this, treated so unjustly
I realize My mother's consolation prize is just me
a heavy hole to hang from for none can breathe equal
no comparin to the parents who know their seed's evil

The Acid Tear's I've cried When I fear my knife
And All the years I fight they wouldn't piece my plight
So as I near my night Yo I can feel this right
The acid tear's I've cried will reveal my life
The Acid Tear's I've cried When I fear my knife
And All the years I fight they wouldn't piece my plight
So as I near my night Yo I can feel this right
The acid tear's I've cried will reveal my life

Ama Perpendicular Plane Plummeting to the earth
Ama break these fucking chains & leave somebody in a hearse
and what's worse is the first time I actually felt
like i needed some help but i was muted I yelled
and I was stupid as hell a fucking a student of wealth
but my lucrative wealth, had remained a concious block
My sanity was rich cause I neglected awfull thoughts
but lives a fucking bitch so I invested in my stocks
I ingested all intestines and arrested when I fought
So I get tested with a vest and end up wasted with a shot
NO!!! I gotta live to fight I got a lot fight to live
I gotta make it long enough to breed some righteous kids
Swear Nobody come between kin the brother's day
They will change the world so much it'll spin the other way
ditto devil you should carry written level's he's in
Little revolutionaries spiting rebel's treason

The Acid Tear's I've cried When I fear my knife
And All the years I fight they wouldn't piece my plight
So as I near my night Yo I can feel this right
The acid tear's I've cried will reveal my life
The Acid Tear's I've cried When I fear my knife
And All the years I fight they wouldn't piece my plight
So as I near my night Yo I can feel this right
The acid tear's I've cried will reveal my life
The Acid Tear's I've cried When I fear my knife
And All the years I fight they wouldn't piece my plight
So as I near my night Yo I can feel this right
The acid tear's I've cried will reveal my life
The Acid Tear's I've cried When I fear my knife
And All the years I fight they wouldn't piece my plight
So as I near my night Yo I can feel this right
The acid tear's I've cried will reveal my life


I know for a fact all of you wont understand EVERY line and its not a matter of intellect or intelligence, because you dont know my life you wont get some of these lines and i really encourage you to ask about the ones you dont understand and i will seriously hit it up with the truth

pz

If you want to hear this in audio click this:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...88#post1913088

yo man nice shit I think I caught the jit of what u were talkin about in this so I won't bother askin. but anyways for the breakdown. your flow was on point man although I lost it here in there in the second verse just a tiny bit but nothin major. vocab was nice in this piece and good complexity with your rhyme scheme. I also liked the content to shit was solid. a very well structured piece bro and your hook was dope shit really liked the hook. keep up bro peace.

NO!!! I gotta live to fight I got a lot fight to live
I gotta make it long enough to breed some righteous kids
Swear Nobody come between kin the brother's day
They will change the world so much it'll spin the other way

^^ I felt that those were your four best lines in this man good shit with that.

yo man if you could return me the favor peep my drop "Searching For Direction (Part 1 of 2)" for me and leave me some feedback. muchly appreciated and thanx in advance.

that was an amazing piece. i really enjoyed the emotion behind it. it was very deep and very honest sounding. the multi's were amazing. i wish i could write like that. this would be a dope audio. this was a very well put together piece. the chorus was one of the nicest i have ever seen on this site. it reminded me of the chorus of thieves in the night. i dunno why. you vocab was above average nothing spectacular. i liked it better this way. had you upped the vocab much more you might have lost some of the emotion. this was a very complex rhyme scheme and it paid off. nice work.

please return the favor and drop some feed on my open mic
my open mic: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=160484

First verse was real. It was dope man.

best lines -

and everybody wanna turn they head lookin to the distance
yall using up a good thing i personify an incense
and then since . . . i learned to build my own fortress
with nothing more than acid tears reigning from an orphan
Rolling down his face while wishing opposite direction
A spitten image is a grimace lookin at reflections
I look like, I act like, I hook life then grab life
A book's night so facts might it bends like a graphite

You next verse fell off from the 1st. But it was still good.

1st verse = dope.
Chours = Forced Multis, but ok.
2nd verse = good.

Check out some of my work.

I hit up Gene Pool Im on my way out to work I will reply to two others after this

peace

good piece merge. you had great flow in most of it - the parts where you didn't will prolly be pulled off in the song you make of this, i hope. I didn't understand some of the lines, you are right in that... but a lot of the lines i can kind of guess at.

a heavy hole to hang from for none can breathe equal
no comparin to the parents who know their seed's evil

for example that one - i am assuming your parents think you're a bad kid, basically. Anyway good piece, good multies, message decent for the most part - in some parts what you were trying to say was contorted to me, probably because of what you said - i dont know your life.

That line corresponds to the line before that "i realize my mother's consolation prize is just me" well my father died when i was young.. and i am the spitten image of my father i look like him, act like him.. all that so i was saying that my mom lost something but i was her consolation prize but its a heavy hole to hang from because i could never be half the man my father was (breathe equal) and the last line is just a feeling i get that sometimes i feel like my mother thinks im evil and how i wonder my life would be different if my father were here still today

dope as hell, kep up the good work. that shit was dope thas all i got to say. DOPE.

I thought this was very ill, but I have a few criticisms of it. So don't get mad if it sounds like I'm hating or something, cause this was still pretty fresh.

I thought that some of the multies in the first verse sounded quite forced - eg. "bends like a graphite" - I mean - when the fuck does graphite bend? You can get away with these kind of filler lines in an audio, but when you've got a sheet of lyrics in front of you - it's a different story. The second verse was much better as far as this goes though, I felt it came far more naturally, and I felt it more because of this.

You're right, I don't understand every line, but I don't think that subtracted from the depth of your message much. But I don't know. I WOULD like a few things explained to me though: What was it you were trying to communicate about your brother in the very last lines? I felt there was something like the beginnings of a story there, something that felt like it needed developing....

Overall nice drop though. I listened to the audio earlier on, it was pretty cool. Although I've dropped audios before (on other sites), I'm probably not the best candidate to give you advice on that, so I guess I'll just say - I thought it was dope.

Please take the time to click the link in my sig for: In Between The Glaze. Thanks.

1.

hey ya big gay al

on the real this was a very strong drop man
i liked the emotion in your writeing here
flow was decent as i think this is audio
i loved the emotion in fact...vocab was ok
but over a nice read fag breath....;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jekyll

I thought this was very ill, but I have a few criticisms of it. So don't get mad if it sounds like I'm hating or something, cause this was still pretty fresh.

I thought that some of the multies in the first verse sounded quite forced - eg. "bends like a graphite" - I mean - when the fuck does graphite bend? You can get away with these kind of filler lines in an audio, but when you've got a sheet of lyrics in front of you - it's a different story. The second verse was much better as far as this goes though, I felt it came far more naturally, and I felt it more because of this.

You're right, I don't understand every line, but I don't think that subtracted from the depth of your message much. But I don't know. I WOULD like a few things explained to me though: What was it you were trying to communicate about your brother in the very last lines? I felt there was something like the beginnings of a story there, something that felt like it needed developing....

Overall nice drop though. I listened to the audio earlier on, it was pretty cool. Although I've dropped audios before (on other sites), I'm probably not the best candidate to give you advice on that, so I guess I'll just say - I thought it was dope.

Please take the time to click the link in my sig for: In Between The Glaze. Thanks.

1.

---

Well graphite is meant to bend lol, you may not be familiar with this but golf clubs are popular for having graphite shafts because it's velocity and whip effect that it gets from the reflex of it bending is awesome when compared to steel.

The last line was not about my brother it was about my two sons, saying how much they will change the world and that nothing will come between them. They will be propped on shoulders and awesome writters, and of course anarchist and treasoners to their country. U.S.

Feel me?

lol, of course they must be anarchists and treasoners. Okay, I'm with you now. Nice rhyme man.

I still felt that maybe the graphite part, and some of the other lines in the first verse were maybe more filler than substance, but I do take your point about the graphite line. I'm no golfer though. Keep doing what you do.

Aight Merge...

First verse was good...multis were nicely said...I like the multis in this

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Emerge

I look like, I act like, I hook life then grab life
A book's night so facts might it bends like a graphite

---

Sylable count was perfect so I can tell this flows nice...and Although I dont completely agree with Jekyll that this is a filler line, I think you could have come up with a different word than graphite....altho graphite fits nicely with the rhyme scheme of this.....Overall first verse was good, emotion was nice..but it wasn't as good as your...

Second verse...started off very nice with the mulits and internals...can tell this will be an emotional part...probably more so than your first verse....good story...kind of an inspirational type message hidden in here...

Hool was straight...basic...

I'll let you know more when I hit the audio later

please peep "Swimming With Sharks" in my sig...thanks

wow emerge that was nice im likin mostly all of the lines in here and consistant to the flow u had going in ur mind nice

truely liking it

g'job......

thats one of the best I've heard in open mic... damn, a lot of emotion and imagery... great shit man, props

this is one of the best i've seen throughout open mic.....nice imagery, vocab and everythang. keep it up

w000000000t

this was a great piece.. your imagery, concept, and the flow was all straight brick solid..
you kept the flow, going at all times, hardly, maybe minor slip ups..
the concept was not the most original, but not used.. so I liked that, but even if it was played, this was beyond most others pieces.
Your vocab, was very good... I liked how you kept the rhyme scheme going at all times..
I liked the hook..
keep at it man.. didnt know you did topical text...

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161296 - return the favor

this was very good...

the syllable count was excellent...created a nice meter and im sure a very nice flow in the audio...

some of the metaphors seemed slightly forced, but nothing really major...

Once or twice i thought you may have had too many internals in a line...but...thas a very minor criticism, and that's just personal preference...

the story was very good...it seemed very emotionally charged...not tha i can criticize emotion, but i felt it, your imagery was strong and i could visualize the scene...

nice syntax...nearly every word was used properly...one or two mispellings, one extra letter somewhere...if i remember correctly awful had an extra l on the end, other than that there were very few technical errors...

this piece was very technically sound, very aesthetically pleasing ( i forget, line length was nice), and content wise this was exceptional...

overall, a very above average piece, and im sure the audio is very good as well...ill check it out later...props emerge...you honestly could get a legends nod for this...

Legendary?

Ha thanks for the gesture.

Oh and incase yall didn't know this is 100% honesty from 'Merge. That really is exactly how I feel about my life.

w00t

nice work Merge, I felt the deep stuff...