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Thread: ss verse "the getaway"

  1. #1
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    ss verse "the getaway"

    The Scene
    Remotely located in deep forest with roads unpaved
    there laid a lovers bed and breakfast “the getaway”
    couples came to this nook of secure sincerity
    upon approach nobody became worried and weary
    Through The Owners Eyes
    bright headlights suggested a feast for his fetish
    frantic footsteps echo over the floorboards swish
    he paces erratically with his thoughts scrambling
    rambling words as the couple approaches ambling
    the door bell rings, solidarity drowned by company
    hungrily appeased his devil within with the following
    The Greeting
    warm welcoming and the taking of her wet coat
    shook her mans hands cleared his throat and spoke
    “how are you doing this evening, let me direct you”
    walking gingerly he lead them to there open room
    unsealed the pale blue door and waved them inside
    shined a smile and portrayed bliss opposing his mind
    The Entrance
    crimson colored cloths accent a hidden desire
    secrets enshrouded in the basement of his empire
    the fires breeds romantic scenes, exquisite dinning
    dim lights guiding as elegance imprints pinning
    refining a beautiful mood with dark ambiance
    her mood stances in a eerie trance of romance
    only surpassed by a lack of her true conception
    cuz the owner exhibited a spite built confection
    The Door Shut
    The couple began settling into there little love nest
    kissing commenced upon exposed breast, a bare chest
    left worry behind and fell into the grasp’s of passion
    acting on each others actions with commotion rationed
    compassion in large doses poses an occasional scream
    it seemed that inevitably they would be heard or seen
    His Agenda
    He voids the lovers noise and approaches his cruel toys
    dives into a stenched laced basement from his last joy
    destroyed bodies reek and foul smells seep from beneath
    complete deceit, killing, with body pieces forming a wreath
    he grips an ancient axe handle still bloody from the last
    grins, tightens, tenses, steps on the steps and then exits
    The Confrontation
    A slow twist of his white wrist turns the gold doorknob
    sneaking without alarm he closes in intending harm
    under her lover she catches a glance of the madman
    gasps, the axe blade cracked his back executing the plan
    she was caught beneath the one she loved, trapped
    visions cycled with increased speed fearing the end
    the owner wound round circle swings to append
    she couldn’t defend or comprehend, stress lessened
    regression progressed, till the axe silenced the mess
    A New Beginning
    sweeping hardwood floors flooded in blood stains
    cleaning sheets and getting the bed nice and made
    stashing there bodies deep in his basement well
    he wraps them in duct tape to cover there smell
    showers and continues his evening without concern
    when a set of headlights shine and another couple enters
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  2. #2
    It's Willie Baby Willy B's Avatar
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    fuck me over that was a long one...nice vocab...i felt like i was watching a movie or something bro you can tell a fucking story headachling well.. nice work someone with any brains will give this a nom...nice work fam

  3. #3
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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  4. #4
    Banned Chronic Cancer's Avatar
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    WOW, it's like i saw it infront of me as i was reading it, it was dope as hell.

  5. #5
    Awaken
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    I love to read stories that have good imagery. I saw every little bit of this piece in front of me, it was excellent. The flow never let off, the multies were excellent and the wordplayw as there. Overall, there's nothing really you need to work on, it was an all around good piece good job man.

    Could you please gimme a reply on my piece? It would be greatly appreciated
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=160483

  6. #6
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    thank you guys very much. and awaken i dropped some feed on your piece i liked it nice work.
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  7. #7
    The True Psycho of RB
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    this was a great story rhyme, i was picturing it as i was reading it, the flow was ok but you got ya feelings across well a dope verse.
    reply 2 my new post please
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=160700

  8. #8
    tonguetwista
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    yeah man this was a sick piece...good vocabulary and structure. very nice piece of work

  9. #9
    Super Spic, w00t! Emerge's Avatar
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    i liked this topical i think it would make a pretty sick screenplay.. kinda cliche the getaway so people would eat it up... our society is bannas for cornball stuff

    nice imagery and schemes

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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  10. #10
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    thanks people upping again.
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  11. #11
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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  12. #12
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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  13. #13
    Vomit lyrically_insane's Avatar
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    yo tight ass imagery on this one dawg...you really painted a pic in my head!
    flow was also there,i also liked the rhyming concept of this one dawg!....

    oh and can you hit the Collab:

    WORLD FULL OF ATTROCITY
    ft.lyrically insane,Statquo08,Red...............plz

    tigght ass drop bro...overall 10/10
    VERBAL INTERCOURSE

  14. #14
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    last up
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