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Schizophrenic
My old vision escaped my grasp
Put on a fake mask to cover my new eyes to make them last
Is this truly me, behind these black sheets that block the sun
Or is this fake another fling I do for 8 hours worth of fun
I don’t hate me I hate him, my 3rd persona that will never learn to swim
To shy to jump to much potential to waste
Like I can draw but I still trace
2nd persona got me into trouble
Dead bodies everywhere underneath the rubble
From dimes to police binds, master minds hoes and nines
Smoking weed at 8, doing lines at 9
From 8pm to 4am im a Killer with motives
See out of focus think im driving a metro but really drivin a lotus
Oh…Persona switch 1st guy comes out
Goes home gets a brief case walks with his lungs out
Goes to work, eyes some people and feeling alive
But knowing in a few hours from his mind a new personality will derive
3 Different personalities in one body which one should I choose
man…its 8 o’clock, time to go back to number 2...
Comments=appreciated, just drop a link to wat you want feedback on and ill get at it...
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it moves around places from one verse to another and back to that same verse, but nice wording tho
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You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.
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i didint like your sturcutre some streached lines then some really short... so made it a lil hard to flow with... not bad though prob your your first om... keep at it got some good potential...
check out losing hope...
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thnx for the comments...uppin.....................
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uppin.............................................
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hey man, i kinda liked this, cuz i know some ppl who feel like they got split personalities. it's a lot like that.. but no killin. overall, i was happy with the rhyming that happened, and it all made sense, too. good job.
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simple rhymes is certain places but over all, not bad
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yea thnx for the comments...appreciated
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You can have better wordplay but a good start. Work on structure and better vocab. You used the words in an aight way and the flow was a little choppy but almost hung on to it. Keep it up.
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i thought it was pretty good and flowed well, it just needs a little better structure. maybe some better vocab, but overall it was pretty good, keep it up
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up...thnx for the feed back.............................
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i liked this piece...it wasnt complex or anything but you painted a pretty good picture with words....kinda reminded of the book American Psycho...nice piece...keep elevating...one
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yo i personally liked this thread, from how i read it, it had alright flow, some multi's but anyway that was a pretty good thread i hope to see some of your other threads....yo if you can and got some time hit up one of my old threads
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=129338
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thnx for the comments, up..............................
