First Love

This a dedication to Ceira J White
Its hard for me to live with out you
cuz every time i dream its about you
and every time i think its about you
I know you say if i loved u i wouldnt have did what I did
But thats the past baby and it is what it is
I cant sleep cuz i know i did you wrong
but you know if i aint love u i wouldnt have did this song
i been with other gurls and they hot too
but i couldnt love them for the fact that they not you
couldnt see what i had i was too busy thuggin
cuz with you it was bout the love never cared bout fuckin
i wanna grab your waist and hold u tight
just like the old days when shit was goin right
to get back together i gotta do what i do
cuz i cant see my future with out huggin and kissin you
you inspire me to be great
and i wanna wife you if its not too late
I LUV YOU GURL

heres my two links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=289876
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...14#post4410114

uppin

Awwww word.
I feel this.I feel the entire verse to be honest.Its deep and has alot of emotion.Flow is nice and wording is good.I feel it and I feel your sorry.

Dope.

emotional, Ite.

uppin

man i can relate to this....i was feeling it the whole way......i liked the topic....good job...rhymes were good...flow was smooth and the emotion put in this was good..good peice overall man..i really liked it...keep it up........peace~~~

to be honest I didnt like this at all nd wasnt feeling it.I think it needed a lot more emotion for it to be a great piece.It all was very basic.Add more imagery and creativity in cause it just lacked that a lot.This is the 1st time i've ever read any of your stuuff but I'll be looking out for more and hoping that you improved

uppin

This was an aight piece. It lacked vocab and metas or many multies which was dissapointing. It was a lil simple it had emotion but more could be added. Overall, this piece was average, keep tryin and you'll get better

Would preciate some comments in return.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290637

uppin

uppin

uppin

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dyl

to be honest I didnt like this at all nd wasnt feeling it.I think it needed a lot more emotion for it to be a great piece.It all was very basic.Add more imagery and creativity in cause it just lacked that a lot.This is the 1st time i've ever read any of your stuuff but I'll be looking out for more and hoping that you improved

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Ya, he pretty much said it. The piece possessed no emotion once so ever, and given the concept this thing should be bleeding emotion. One thing you can do to up the level of emotion is increase/elevate your imagery. Adding images to heartfelt feelings connects the reader to the content more and therefore will leave more of an authentic and solum vibe. And in the beginging, lol you rhyme "You" with "You" like three times man, reed other works and try and increase your vocabulary so you dont have to resort to rhyming the same word in the same tense multiples times like that again. Ya that's about it... Stay up and keep elevating.

I'd apreciate it if you could reply to the Abstanti collab:
"Poemicoriginate"
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291509

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Myself

Ya, he pretty much said it. The piece possessed no emotion once so ever, and given the concept this thing should be bleeding emotion. One thing you can do to up the level of emotion is increase/elevate your imagery. Adding images to heartfelt feelings connects the reader to the content more and therefore will leave more of an authentic and solum vibe. And in the beginging, lol you rhyme "You" with "You" like three times man, reed other works and try and increase your vocabulary so you dont have to resort to rhyming the same word in the same tense multiples times like that again. Ya that's about it... Stay up and keep elevating.

I'd apreciate it if you could reply to the Abstanti collab:
"Poemicoriginate"
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291509

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word^^100%